


We Need Each Other

by falterunbroken



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 11:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 85,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22849624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falterunbroken/pseuds/falterunbroken
Summary: Migrating over from FF.net, I started writing this back in 2015 and never really finished it, but here it is anyway.A series of Spemily missing scenes starting at 5x1. Will eventually become AU. Slow-burn.
Relationships: Emily Fields/Spencer Hastings
Kudos: 31





	1. I Will Always Be Here

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to move all my stories over to AO3 - they are all old and have not been edited, so have fun y'all. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars or any characters or storylines that exist therein.

Hanna fell asleep not long after making sure that Ali was asleep, taking my place on the couch next to Emily after I left to use the restroom. Em and I both fell quiet once she drifted off, even the beating of our own hearts getting lost in the vastness of the theatre. I sat cross-legged on the floor, my back to Ali as I looked at my friends, sighing deeply and wondering how in the world I was going to protect them now. 

Hanna fidgeted in her sleep, a small snort escaping as she shifted awkwardly on her half of the couch, and I couldn’t help but grin at just how normal the action was, how mundane. Emily, on the other hand, didn’t react to the movement or sound at all. She was completely still, her eyes on Ali, as they had been since Hanna fell asleep. Her intense focus made me anxious, and there was no way the wistful look on her face was a good sign, not with the history there.

I was glad Ali was alive and safe, don’t get me wrong, but I was also worried about what that meant emotionally for Emily. Ali had messed with her head, and her heart, so much in the past, and I didn’t want my best friend to get her heart broken again. And that’s what Emily was, my best friend. Out of all the girls, she was the one that had been there for me, ever since Ali first disappeared, and I didn’t want to lose that because Ali was back. So I got up and walked over to my friend, gently grasping her hand as I leaned down to whisper in her ear. 

“Em, can we talk?”

She just looked up at me slowly, nodding distractedly before moving to stand, the stage couch creaking a bit as she scooted forward and the cushions making a plopping sound back into the frame as she gained her feet. 

We wandered out beyond the theatre seats, walking up the stairs that Ali had climbed earlier in the night to the mezzanine above, our footsteps echoing through the halls like gunshots in the vacant space surrounding us.

“What’s up, Spence?” Emily questioned, her voice still far away, as though she was talking to me from somewhere else entirely. As though she weren’t even standing there beside me at all.

“Are you okay, Em?” I wondered softly, moving to stand next to her. 

It wasn’t the question I wanted to ask, not by a long shot, but I was happy just to get some kind of conversation going at all. Ali had always been a tough subject for Em, especially with me, so I could only hope that she would open up to me about how all this was affecting her instead of my having to pull it out of her.

“I’m fine, Spence. Why?” She asked just as softly, obviously not wanting her voice to echo out anywhere, just in case. 

Confusion clouded her face, and I could tell that she had no idea why I would bring her up there in the middle of the night just to ask such a stupidly normal question. She was obviously completely unaware of how concerned I was about her, or why, and that only worried me more. I desperately hoped that the hold Ali once had over her wasn’t as strong as ever, because I needed Emily with me, by my side, whether Alison was with us or not. 

“Are you still in love with her?”

I wanted to slap myself in the face. 

My brain must have somehow escaped my body for those few seconds that it took for that question to come out, and I was absolutely mortified. Yes, that was the question that I was dying to know the answer to, but I had never actually intended to ask it, especially not so bluntly. There were so many other ways I could have gone about getting the information I wanted, but no, I had to do it in the worst way possible. 

I was even fairly certain that I knew the answer; I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. Emily being in love with Alison would only make things between our group that much more awkward and fragile, and I worried what it would do to Emily and my friendship. Lord knows Ali and I had butted heads a lot in the past, and, even if she had changed some, I didn’t foresee that changing anytime soon. 

“Honestly, Spencer, I don’t know,” Emily offered, her voice trembling as she did her best to give me an answer, thankfully not seeming angry at my impertinence. “I was in love with her for so long, and then I wrote her that letter and she was just gone. Everything has been so unresolved between us for so long that I don’t even know how to deal with all of these feelings that she coaxes out of me. I don’t know how I feel, about any of this, and I’m not sure that I want to know anyway. What if I don’t like the answer?”

She started to cry and I immediately moved in to hug her. This was not at all how I had wanted the conversation to go, I couldn’t stand it when Emily cried, and all I wanted to do was make things better for her; protect her from everything dark and sad in the world. I would have given anything to make her happy again.

“I’m so sorry, Em. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I’m sorry, please don’t cry. Em, please,” I whimpered, on the verge of tears myself as I hugged my best friend even more tightly to me.

Thankfully, she did quiet a little, though I could still feel her tears where her face was pressed firmly against my neck, and she clung to me with more desperation than I had ever experienced before. After some time, I felt Emily loosen her grip, and I moved to pull back a little bit. Keeping my hands around my friend’s waist, I leaned my upper body back just enough that I could look into her beautiful face. 

“I’m here, Em. Whatever you need from me, I’m here,” I whispered, wiping away the tear tracks on her cheeks and looking her directly in the eye before pulling her back into a more relaxed embrace.

“I’m just so afraid that she still has this power over me, this pull that won’t let me deny her anything. I don’t want to go back to being that person again, to being that weak again. A part of me will always love Ali, but I’m not in love with her anymore, I don’t want to be with her, and that’s the worst part because I still feel obligated to do whatever she asks of me, to be whomever she wants me to be. How pathetic is that?”

She let out a humorless chuckled when she was finished speaking and I could feel her tears begin again. I wanted to cry as well, to shed tears for Emily’s pain and commiserate with her, but somehow I knew that that was not what she needed. Pulling away again, I made sure to look her directly in the eye as I spoke to her.

“You have never been weak Emily, and you are not pathetic. You are the strongest person I have ever met. Ever since Ali disappeared you have been there to hold me up and help me keep going when I thought all was lost. Even before Ali disappeared, you’re the one that held us all together when Ali’s lies threatened to tear us apart. You’ve done so much for the people you love, and you don’t even realize how strong you had to be, how strong you were.

I mean, come on Em, you were forced out of the closet in the worst way and you handled it with such grace and courage that most people assumed you did it by choice. You stuck by Toby even when everyone was questioning his loyalty, even when I was questioning his loyalty, because he is your friend and you care about him; because you always do everything in your power to protect those you care about. You lost Alison and Maya, two women that you loved, and you’re still standing here today, the same good person that you’ve always been, the same amazing person that I’ve known for so long. You protected Paige and yourself from psycho Nate… Em, I could go on for days with examples of how strong and brave you are; weeks, actually.

So, please, don’t let all of this insanity bring you down on yourself. If you feel like Ali is getting too far under your skin, or if you’re just feeling unsure about yourself or everything that’s happening, then talk to me. I’m here. I’ll always be here when you need me.”

As soon as I finished my speech, Emily grabbed onto me as though she never intended to let go, and I couldn’t even bring myself to care that her intense hug was making it difficult for me to breathe. Wrapping my arms tightly around my friend’s shoulders, I could feel how much tension had eased out of them with my words, and I grinned happily knowing that I had made a difference somehow; I had made things better somehow.

“Thank you, Spence,” Emily whispered, pulling away from me and giving me a smile that just about made me melt.

“Like I said, Em, always.”


	2. You Are Never Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This excerpt is from 5x2 and is from Emily’s POV (I will switch POV every chapter).

“Spence, come on, we need to at least try to get some sleep,” I huffed with more than a little exasperation as I tried to pull her away from the living room window, where she was staring determinedly at Ali’s house.

We had hurried back to Spencer’s after Ali dropped us her phone with the creepy text, but it seemed that my best friend’s thoughts had not returned with us. I had already called Hanna to tell her about the text, and Spencer had chimed in distractedly that we shouldn’t tell Aria about if just yet, but that was the last she said. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep, not after everything that had happened over the past few days, but I did hope pretending I needed to might get Spence out of her own head. She was always trying to take care of the rest of us, and I was banking on that to pull her back to me and out of the recesses of her mind.

“Yea, okay,” she acquiesced; still seeming far away as she slowly stepped away from the window. 

It all seemed a little too easy, but I would take what I could get. 

Grabbing Spencer’s hand to ensure that she didn’t suddenly renege her agreement, I led her upstairs to her room in silence, not really sure how to start a conversation and keep her from running away at the same time. We both changed into sleep clothes with a lethargy born more out of being emotionally overwhelmed than physically tired. Moving to different parts of the room after dressing, neither of us was quite ready to make the commitment of getting into bed, and I was definitely not ready to leave Spencer to make my way to the guest room. Her silence was worrying me, and leaving her alone seemed like a terrible plan.

“What are you thinking about, Spence?” I inquired softly, moving to stand in front of where she sat at her desk, her eyes still unfocused and her face blank. 

“Do you really think Jason is involved in all this?” She questioned so quietly I almost didn’t hear as she refused to look at me, her eyes suddenly sharp.

I knelt in front of her, pain blooming in my chest as I placed my hands on her knees in a sad attempt to comfort her somehow. It was obvious that considering the possibility of her half brother being involved in anything that could hurt her was proving difficult to handle, and it was easy to understand why. Jason was blood. The idea that he could have been involved in torturing us or hurting Ali was a lot to take in, not to mention incredibly scary and heart wrenching. 

I had no desire to make things any more difficult for her than they already were. She had been through way too much recently, and yet she had still been there for me through everything. Spencer was always the one protecting the rest of us, taking care of us, risking herself for us. I wanted to make sure she knew I was there for her too. 

“I don’t know, Spence,” I offered apologetically, wishing more than anything that I could give her the answers she needed. “Is it possible that Jason is involved in this? Absolutely. There are a lot of things that add up telling us that he could be responsible, and I know how hard that must be on you. But Spence, this has happened so many times. We have pointed fingers in so many of the wrong directions, and that makes me wary about sitting here and saying yes, Jason must have done this. 

Does that mean I want to stop looking into where he’s been and what he’s been up to? No, definitely not. What it does mean, though, is that I don’t want to jump to conclusions just yet, especially since that only ever seems to get us into more trouble. I really do hope that Jason has had nothing to do with all of this, if only for your sake, but I also think you need to prepare yourself, just in case.”

Finally, she looked at me, but there were tears in her eyes when she did, and I wanted so badly to take away her pain. She had known exactly what to say when I was freaking out over my feelings for Ali in the theatre, and every time before that. She always made me feel safe and cared for with her words, and I wanted so badly to do the same for her, but I had no idea how. So I sat dumbly, struck silent by how powerless I felt to help her.

“We really can’t trust anyone, can we Em? Even the people that are supposed to take care of us, like Mrs. D was supposed to take care of Ali, even they could be responsible. There’s no one out there who will protect us, is there?” She whispered, her voice cracking as tears started falling down her cheeks.

Spencer pulled her knees up to her chest, and I moved with them, not caring how awkwardly positioned we were as I hugged her with everything I had. What she said was true, the people we had always relied most on to protect us seemed to be either absent or sinister of late. My own parents were often away, what with my dad being in Texas and my mom visiting him, and Spencer’s family was even worse.

Mrs. Hastings appeared to have good intentions at least most of the time, but she had done some shady things in the past that made me question her. I mean, she had been completely prepared to send Spencer away after what happened with the pills, as if her daughter being completely alone in the world was the only way to help her, as if being without her friends would decrease the anxiety causing her to swallow that poison in the first place. Then there was how she handled Radley. She was so clinical and without compassion that I cringed with disgust every time I thought about the whole situation.

Then there was Mr. Hastings, the often absentee father that often only seemed interested in Spencer’s grades and extracurriculars. When we were growing up, Spencer and her dad had been inseparable, and my best friend had wanted nothing more than to make him proud. Ever since Ali’s disappearance though, there was something shadowy about him, sinister almost. It was like he had become a completely different person, and I knew that Spencer mourned the man that she had looked up to for so many years. 

Melissa was even worse than her father. She and Spencer had always been at each other’s throats, but high school was an entirely new level, both before and after Ali disappeared. Growing up as an only child, I had always wondered what it would be like to have a sibling, but Melissa made me question if the loving relationship between siblings like Aria and Mike weren’t an exception rather than the rule. We had always been suspicious about Spencer’s older sister, hoping that she wasn’t A but still knowing it was entirely possible. No matter how much Spencer didn’t want it to be so, we all knew there was something dark in the older Hastings sibling, something that scared us.

Even with all that though, it didn’t mean she was alone.

“We have each other, Spence. We can trust each other. I promise I will do everything I possibly can to keep you safe. I promise,” I stated strongly, pulling away from our hug to look her in the eye, making sure she was hearing me. 

“You didn’t trust me when I followed you to your meeting with Ali,” my best friend all but whimpered, a new set of tears rushing their way down her cheeks as she turned her face away from me.

“Ali didn’t trust you,” I argued softly, grasping her chin lightly and forcing her to face me once more. “I was angry with you because you didn’t trust me. Just like you didn’t trust me enough to tell me about the pills. Spence, you didn’t even trust me enough to tell me that you were struggling with everything that was happening…”

I wasn’t admonishing her, I wasn’t even angry with her anymore, I was just sad that she seemed to not have faith in me. Not with Ali, not with anything. 

“Oh god, no, Em, that’s not the case at all,” she exclaimed, sitting up so quickly we almost knocked heads and grabbing my hands to make sure I was paying attention to what she was saying. “Emily, I trust you more than anyone else in the world. I didn’t follow you to your meeting with Ali because I didn’t trust you; I followed you because I am absolutely terrified of losing you. I was so worried that it was A waiting for you there instead of Alison, and I couldn’t handle the thought of you getting hurt, or worse.

And the pills, Em, I was so all over the place I’m not even sure I knew what trust was while I was on them. When I started taking them you were dealing with so much, I didn’t want you to have to worry about me too, especially when I thought I could handle them. Then things got really bad, and I wanted to tell you, I almost did more than once, but things just kept happening. Then Mr. Fitz outed me and shit just hit the fan.

Please don’t think that I don’t trust you, Em. I know it hurts you to think that I don’t, and I can’t stand seeing you hurt. So, please. Please believe me.”

Spencer started crying even harder than before and stood from her seat, dragging me to her and holding on as though afraid I might disappear completely. I hugged her back just as tightly, feeling the tightness that had occupied my chest for so long loosen just a little as I cried with relief.

“I believe you, Spence. I believe you,” I assured her, my voice shaky as I pressed my face into her neck and pulled her impossibly closer to me. There was no way I was letting go, I couldn’t, I was too afraid I would lose her.

We cried together for quite some time, pretty much until we were no longer physically capable of doing so, and I finally felt tired enough to maybe get some sleep by the time it was all over. I gently extracted myself from Spencer’s arms, though not without significant resistance from my best friend, and wiped the tear tracks first from my own face and then from hers. 

“Come on, Spence, we really should get some sleep,” I stated, reiterating my statement from much earlier in the night. Squeezing her hands for a moment to reassure her, I stepped away, heading towards her bedroom door with the intent of making my way to the guest room for the night. 

“Em?” She questioned softly, the plaintive note in her voice causing me to stop in my tracks and turn back. “Sleep in here tonight? I don’t want to be by myself tonight…”

Spencer looked down as soon as the words escaped her mouth, obviously a little embarrassed by her own request, and I couldn’t suppress the small grin that broke out over my face at how cute it was.

“Of course,” I agreed, moving to get into her bed as she turned off the light and slid in beside me.

“Thanks, Em,” she offered in a whisper as she moved closer to me in the dark, her hand reaching for my own even as she stayed laying on her back. 

“You never have to thank me, you goof, this is what friends are for,” I explained, rolling to my side and placing my head on her shoulder and an arm around her waist. I could feel her entire body relax under me, and I was gratified to know that she felt safe. “And Spence?”

“Hmmm?” She mumbled, already half asleep as she snuggled further into me.

“You’re never alone, I hope you know that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or story lines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	3. You Are The Brightest Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is from after the credits roll on 5x3, and it’s from Spencer’s POV.

I stood outside of Emily’s house for over an hour after leaving Aria’s. It was late, I didn’t want to knock on the front door and wake Mrs. Fields, but I had to go somewhere. There was no way I could go home, and I had no idea how to comfort a very paranoid Aria in the wake of Shauna’s death and Ezra being shot. She was just too intense for me after everything that went down with my dad. 

I needed to calm down, and the only person who could help me do that was Emily. Even Toby wasn’t an option. He had been tight-lipped about London and it was making me nervous. That, and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him about everything that had happened since he left.

He wasn’t Emily. It just wasn’t the same. 

Finally making a decision, I moved around to the back of the house, looking up to find Emily’s window on the second floor. Miraculously, a small light was still on in my best friend’s room, and I prayed that meant she was still awake. Pulling out my phone, I tapped out a quick message asking her to come downstairs and telling her where I was. Sitting on the back porch seemed safer to me somehow. 

A shadow appeared against the window upstairs after barely two minutes had passed, and I assumed that meant she had gotten my text and was coming downstairs. So I perched on the steps of the back porch, rubbing my arms at the slight chill in the air. 

I felt terrible asking Emily to come down and be my emotional crutch so late, especially when we had to get up early and go to school the next morning, but I needed to see her, to talk to her. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to; I didn’t have anyone else I wanted to turn to.

The door behind me opened and shut quietly before a warm weight fell over my shoulders, and I quickly realized that Emily had brought a blanket out and wrapped it around me. I looked up at her and smiled in thanks as she sat beside me, my best friend seemingly unperturbed by the fact that it was after one o’clock in the morning. 

Instead of explaining everything like I probably should have, I just wrapped both of my blanket-covered arms around her waist, laying my head comfortably on her shoulder and hugging her tightly. 

“Are you okay, Spence?” Emily asked softly after we had sat in silence for some time, her fingers coming up to run soothingly through my hair. I closed my eyes at the comforting sensation, not wanting to think about what had led me to the sanctuary of her presence in the first place. “Spence?”

“I can’t go home,” I offered in a whisper, my voice shaking with the weight of an emotion I hadn’t even realized had consumed me.

“What?” Emily exclaimed almost a little too loudly as she pulled away to look at me, taking those comforting fingers with her and sending me even closer to tears than I was before. “What do you mean you can’t go home? What happened?”

I took a deep breath before answering her, not certain I could coherently explain the situation before breaking down… again. My best friend and I had done a lot of crying together as of late.

“My dad and Melissa are hiding something, something really bad, and they both know that I’m suspicious. Dad and I got into an argument tonight, and it got really vicious, and then Melissa came in and only made things worse. I’m afraid to go home, Em. I’m fairly certain my mom still thinks I had something to do with the death of that girl they found in Ali’s grave, and for the first time in my life I am actually terrified of my own father,” I explained, entirely unable to speak after that final sentence as I started sobbing almost silently into my best friend’s shoulder. 

“God, Spence, I’m so sorry. You’ll stay here tonight. I’ve got you, sweetheart, you’re safe now. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise. I’m so glad you’re okay, Spence, I don’t know what I would do without you, I don’t think I could survive it. I’m here, and I’m not letting you go anywhere. I’ve got you,” Emily cooed, pulling me further into her body and bringing her fingers back to run through my hair as she continued whispering a litany of reassurances into my ear that became less coherent and more desperate as time passed. 

We sat on the back porch for ages, burrowing into each other in our search for safety from the cold, dangerous world that surrounded us. I could only cry for so long though, and eventually, my tears dried up and both of us were just sitting silently, not really sure what to do next. 

Emily was the first to pull away, and I was about to protest but she pulled me up with her. Wrapping the blanket more snugly around my shoulders, she led me inside, being sure to lock the door before leading me up the stairs to her room. Standing just inside the doorway, I didn’t move as Emily hurried around her bedroom, picking up and putting away the books and papers that had been strewn across her bed before moving to her dresser and pulling out some pajamas. Moving back to me, she placed the clothes in my hands and instructed me to change, pushing me toward the bathroom gently as she removed the blanket from my shoulders.

Not wanting to be by myself for any sizeable amount of time, I changed quickly, only taking a brief moment to notice how gaunt and frail I looked under the dim lights in the bathroom. Then I moved rapidly back into the bedroom though and snuggled close to Emily where she already lay under the covers, waiting for me.

“Paige visited me tonight,” Em noted quietly once I was settled, the monotone quality of her voice making it difficult for me to figure out how she felt about the situation. 

“Yeah?” I asked without emotion, hoping my best friend would elaborate on her own. She just nodded her affirmation though, so I continued. “What happened?”

Emily and Paige’s history had always made me nervous, but Paige’s devotion to keeping Emily safe as of late had caused her to grow on me a little. Still, I had never quite been able to get over the fact that Paige had almost drowned my best friend once, even if I understood the context and that the girl had not actually wanted to hurt Em. I couldn’t help but think that Emily deserved something more than the love of someone who worshipped her as a hero or savior instead of as a person, and I figured I would always feel that way. However, if Emily had decided to get back together with Paige, I vowed to support both of them, regardless of my reservations. All I wanted was for Emily to be happy. 

“She apologized again. Told me that she loved me and wanted us to work it out,” she explained, her tone still flat but the fact that she reached out to grasp my hand told me that she was struggling.

I turned on my side so I could hug her briefly, wanting to comfort her and let her know I was there. She still didn’t continue though, and I realized I would need to push her a little to keep her going. Obviously she needed to talk about it, so I prodded gently.

“And?”

Emily took a deep breath, and I was immediately anxious. That wasn’t a good sign.

“I told her she deserved the best of everything but that we could only ever be friends,” she whispered, her voice sounding strained even at that low a volume, but the monotone holding. 

I was finding it impossible to read her.

“Are you okay?” I asked gently, running a hand up and down her far arm as I tried to come up with a way to make her feel better if she was broken up about everything, as well as the proper way to respond if she wasn’t.

“Oddly enough, I’m fine,” Em answered, moving her head to face me and actually looking okay, which threw me for a loop. “Don’t get me wrong, I feel sad for Paige, since I know she’s hurting, and it’s difficult, knowing that we’re over, but I’m not crushed like I thought I would be. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because she went behind my back, but I know she only did that to protect me. Kind of like Toby with A, and you guys are still together. All I know is that something changed for me, and I couldn’t be with her anymore knowing I didn’t feel the same.”

Moving my fingers up to run through her hair as she had for me earlier, I tried my best to figure out the appropriate way to respond to such a revelation. Em closed her eyes in contentment as I continued to move my hand, and I found it a little easier to speak when she wasn’t staring at me so intently.

“Well I’m sorry that you’re suffering, even if it isn’t as much as you anticipated, and I’m here, whatever you need,” I offered, feeling a sudden urge to lean forward and place a kiss gently on her forehead, but refraining because it felt like a strange gesture for friends.

“I know, Spence, and I’m grateful,” she replied, smiling at me before her eyes widened all of a sudden and she sat bolt upright while still staring down at me, causing me to jump a little with surprise. “Spencer, not that I’m not extremely glad that you’re here, because I couldn’t be happier that I get to spend more time with you, especially after today, but why aren’t you at Toby’s? Usually when you need a place to stay you go over to his apartment, and you told me he just got back from London… Is everything okay with you two? Did something happen?”

“Yea, everything is fine with us, I just haven’t told him everything yet. He’s been gone for a while, and he left on a not so happy note after the pills, and we just haven’t hit our stride again I guess. I don’t know, I’m probably just overthinking things, you know me. We’re fine, honestly,” I explained, not really even sure where I was going with that speech. So I just stopped myself before I could dig even further into my pit of confusion. 

Emily just looked at me for a second, my own confusion seeming to have migrated to her face. Then understanding dawned across her face, and I sat up as she went to open her mouth, wanting any answers I could get. I certainly didn’t have any of my own.

“You’re right, I do know you, Spence. You’re upset that he left after what happened with the pills, aren’t you?” She asked, grabbing one of my hands and squeezing it with both of her own. Her tone wasn’t judging, just genuinely understanding, and I had to think about her words for a moment.

“I shouldn’t be. I’m the one who messed up. I’m the one who was stressing out and didn’t tell him. I’m the one who was strung out. He didn’t do anything wrong. I have no reason to be upset that he left. I’m the one who pushed him away.”

My words scared me a little. They came out of nowhere and I didn’t really know how to react to them or the feelings that inspired them, let alone deal with them or examine their consequences. 

Emily just pulled me into another hug, not letting me go this time.

“Spencer, I need you to listen to me for a few minutes, and I mean really listen, do you think you can do that?” She questioned, waiting until I nodded into her neck before she continued. “You know that I love Toby, we’re really good friends, but you are infinitely more important to me than pretty much anyone else, and so I’m going to be completely honest with you here. 

Firstly, Toby cannot, on any planet, complain about you lying to him. He went undercover with A for a really long time without even telling you what he was doing. You went to Radley because you thought that he betrayed you and then died. I know he was doing it to protect you, but the pills were a fucking petting zoo compared to his lies, and you may never have even started them if you hadn’t felt guilty about leaving the rest of us alone when you went to Radley.

Secondly, and this may sound harsh, but he’s an idiot if he thinks running away is going to solve the lying issue. Seriously, after all of your fabulously messy past relationships and this distant relationship you have with your parents right now, how could he ever think that putting more distance between the two of you could possibly be a good thing?

You were struggling, trying to overcome an addiction, and he just peaced out because his pride was hurt that you didn’t go running to him when you were in trouble? Screw him, Spence. You deserve to be treated better than that. He owes you more respect than that.”

Emily huffed, sounding absolutely exasperated, and I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I couldn’t really argue with anything she had said, but that just made everything worse. With everything that was going on, I couldn’t handle being upset with Toby too. He was the only good thing that had come out of the whole ugly mess of the past few years, and I couldn’t lose him. I couldn’t be alone again. 

“I don’t think it was quite like that, Em…” I started, wanting to refute everything but unsure how for the first time in a very long time. Spencer Hastings always had an argument, but I found myself speechless as I stared at my best friend. Only Emily had ever been able to do that to me, and it was irritating as hell.

“I’m just saying, Spence. If I were lucky enough to be dating the amazing Spencer Hastings, I would never leave you like that, and it would never have taken me that long to realize something was wrong. I would want to spend every waking moment with you and share every experience with you and love you every second of my life. It wouldn’t even occur to me to go undercover with your greatest enemy without even telling you, because I would be too terrified of hurting you, and I could never, never hurt you. And I could never leave you while you were suffering, not in a million years. I would need to be with you every step of the way, through the withdrawals and everything; I would need to be right by your side. You would have to order me away from you because I would never want to leave your side. Never.”

I couldn’t help it, I started crying again. 

It seemed that everyone else in my life had given up on me at some point, everyone except for Emily. My mom thought I was a murderer, my dad thought I was lazy and not good enough for the Hastings name, Melissa thought I was useless, Ali thought I was untrustworthy, Toby thought I was an addict, Hanna and Aria thought I was crazy, but not Emily. Emily saw me. She knew me. She saw a better version of me that I wanted to strive for just to make her proud, and she never questioned my loyalty or my integrity. 

Emily started crying too, and I hugged her so tightly I was almost certain she was having trouble breathing, but she hugged me just as tightly in return. I had no idea how I could ever thank her just for seeing me. For staying with me. For being there for me. For caring about me and being honest about it. A hug would never be enough, but I didn’t know what else I could possibly give her in return that could even remotely measure up to everything she had given me over the years. 

So, I did the only thing I could.

“I love you, Em,” I sobbed, still hugging her tightly as I tried to convey just how much I loved her, which was with everything I had. 

“I love you too, Spence, so much,” she replied, sniffling as she did so. “I just don’t ever want you to settle for less. You deserve to be treated with all the love and respect in the world, to have someone that never wants to leave your side and could spend all their days content just to have you in their life. I couldn’t stand it if you were with someone who didn’t give you all of that and more because you felt guilty about one mistake that you made when you were under extreme pressure. So promise me, promise me you won’t settle for anyone that treats you as less than you are, the most amazingly intelligent and passionate and kind person that I have ever had the honor to meet.”

I couldn’t even answer her. I was entirely overwhelmed by her words. So I settled on continuing to embrace her with everything I had, hoping she could read my gratitude and love through my actions since I was incapable of voicing them. 

“You’re the brightest light I’ve ever met, Spence, please don’t ever let anyone else dim that beauty. They don’t deserve you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or story lines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	4. Always The Two Of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is from after the credits roll on 5x4, and it’s from Emily’s POV.

I practically ran out of Ali’s house after we spoke, feeling my own weakness chasing me down the stairs and out the front door as I tried my hardest to escape the naïve, easily manipulated girl that I used to be. Once outside I slowed down, but my heart was still racing, and my legs shook too much for me to continue walking as far as my own house down the street. I thought about just standing there until I calmed down, but then I realized all Ali had to do was look out a window and she would see me awkwardly standing in front of her house hyperventilating. That was the last thing I needed, for her to know that she had gotten to me, that she still had power over me even though I didn’t want her to.

So I put my phone to my ear, letting my mom know I wouldn’t be home, and walked to the house next door. Handing up on my mother’s resigned approval, I lifted my still shaking hand to knock, hoping someone was still downstairs so late. Hoping even more so that it was Spencer because I really didn’t want to deal with her parents and Melissa still kind of scared me.

“Oh, hello Emily,” Mr. Hastings greeted with more than a little surprise as he swung the door open cautiously, a tumbler of scotch in hand. “Come on in, Spencer and Aria are in her room.”

He held the door open so I could walk through, nodding at my greeting, but as soon as I was through he locked the door and retreated to his office. Spence was right, he was acting strangely. Just a few months ago he would have invited me in cordially, asked after my parents and if I needed anything before telling Spencer and me not to get into too much trouble before excusing himself. Now I barely got so much as a hello.

Shaking my head, and some of my fears away as well, I headed for the stairs. I had really wanted to talk to Spencer about Ali, but with Aria there I was going to have to wait. Even if she was the one who brought it up earlier, I still wasn’t comfortable talking to anyone but Spence about my Ali situation, not even Aria. Maybe it was because she was gone for so long after Ali’s disappearance, or because she was so wrapped up in her Ezra and Shana situations, but I didn’t feel like she could really handle what was going on with me on top of everything else at the time. 

“Hey,” I offered quietly when I saw Spencer at the top of the stairs, grabbing a towel out of the hall closet, no doubt for Aria. 

She grabbed out a second as soon as she saw me. 

“Em, hey, is everything okay? What are you doing here so late?” She asked gently, coming over to hug me a little awkwardly, the towels still in her hands.

“Not really, no,” I started, hugging her in return and about to elaborate before Aria poked her head out of Spencer’s room.

“Hey Em, what’s wrong?” My other friend inquired, obviously having heard my statement, her face full of concern. 

I had to think of something, and quick, if I didn’t want to spill the real reason I was at the Hastings’ so late.

“Hey Aria,” I offered, stalling for time as I thought, inspiration thankfully hitting me before awkward silence set in. “It’s just, talking about Nate earlier, it brought up some stuff, and I didn’t want to be alone tonight. Spencer’s was closest, and I figured she would still be awake this late. Also, my mom thinks Spencer is a good influence on me academically, so she’s generally more accepting when I stay here on a school night.”

It was a pretty shitty excuse, but Aria seemed to buy it if her nod was anything to judge by. I was accustomed to her asking a lot more questions, but she looked really exhausted, and I assumed she really just wanted to go to sleep.

“Academically, but not behaviorally, right Em?” Spencer chuckled in that self-deprecating way she had. I knew she was alluding to the pills, and it upset me that she was still being so hard on herself about that.

“Stop it, Spence. My mom adores you, you know that,” I admonished, moving to grab the towels from her before squeezing her hand with my own.

“Well it looks like we’re breaking out the air mattress then,” Aria said, shrugging her shoulders as she turned to go back into the bedroom, confirming my earlier thoughts on how tired she was. Lately, Aria had taken every opportunity to commiserate with one of us, usually mentioning her Shana situation in some way, and the fact that she didn’t could only mean that she wasn’t feeling up to being snarky or spazzy for the moment. 

I took advantage of Aria’s absence and hugged my best friend again, knowing I would only really feel better after we talked, but willing to content myself with just that small morsel of comfort for the time being. Spencer wrapped me tightly in her arms, seeming to notice that something was seriously wrong, and I never wanted her to let go. The new co-dependency that was forming between us probably should have worried me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care while I was so safely wrapped up in her.

“We’ll talk later, yeah?” She asked in a whisper as she pulled away, obviously not wanting Aria to hear. 

All I could do was nod, not trusting myself to speak without breaking down yet again. Both of us had been crying much too often as of late, and I vowed to myself that it wouldn’t happen again that night. I was not going to allow Ali to reduce me to tears again.

Spencer grabbed my hand in her own and didn’t let go as we joined Aria in her room, our other friend already having pulled the air mattress out of the closet and looking quite perplexed at the air pump in her hand. I reluctantly let go of my best friend’s hand to help with the pump, but not before Aria caught sight of us and threw me a curious look that suggested questions were on the way. Not too keen on answering questions about anything at the time, I avoided her gaze as I hooked up the pump, quickly turning it on so I wouldn’t be able to hear them even if she decided to voice her inquiries.

Seeming to sense the sudden awkward tension, Spencer offered Aria a towel and our friend just looked between the two of us in confusion before grabbing her things and retreating to the bathroom. Spence and I avoided looking at each other as we went about setting up the room for the three of us, feeling a bit of lingering awkwardness even though we didn’t understand why. Aria rejoined us a few minutes later, and I grabbed my towel and the clothes Spencer had placed out for me before bolting into the bathroom, still hoping to evade any conversations before I had a chance to think about everything.

The shower had become a kind of safe space for me, and I tried to let the warm water wash away my stress, at least for the time being. Clearing my head of Ali and Mona and Paige and A, I tried to think of something that didn’t make my head spin. Somehow, my thoughts ended up flitting back in time to just after Ali disappeared, and I couldn’t help but smile at the memory of Spencer and I sticking together even as the rest of our group splintered. We never gave up on each other, and just thinking about that gave me strength and hope.

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn’t hear the bathroom door open.

“She’s asleep, Em, you can stop hiding,” Spencer’s voice suddenly flooded into my consciousness, causing me to jump at least three feet in the air in surprise and fear.

I’m surprised I didn’t end up flat on my ass.

“Shit, Spence, you scared the living hell out of me,” I exclaimed, my hand placed over my chest as my heart raced underneath.

She just started laughing.

“Sorry, Em. I knocked, but you didn’t answer, and I was worried you had managed to drown yourself or something,” my best friend offered, not sounding apologetic at all.

“Seriously, Spence? I’m a swimmer,” I huffed, still kind of mad about her scaring me, though angrier at myself for being scared.

“Yeah, well, you never know. We both know I haven’t had the best experience with this shower, you can never be too careful,” she argued, her voice taking on a dark undertone before she forced herself back into a lighter mood. “Why don’t you meet me downstairs when you’re done though? I heard my dad go to bed a few minutes ago, and my mom is at a spa retreat, so we can have some tea and talk in the living room. Melissa already retreated to her lair.”

“Yeah, okay,” I replied, waiting until I heard the door shut behind her before finishing my shower.

Throwing on a pair of my best friend’s sweat pants and a baggy tee, I ran a comb through my hair before quietly making my way to the hall, careful not to wake Aria on my way. At the top of the stairs, I had to take a deep breath to steady myself, the feelings that Ali and my conversation had inspired in me flooding back full force. Once I felt strong enough to resist the tears, I made my way downstairs to join Spencer.

“Hey you, perfect timing,” she stated happily, right in the middle of pouring the water for our tea. “I made you Chai, I know that’s your favorite when you’re stressing out.”

“Thanks, Spence.”

I took the mug of tea when she offered it to me and sat at the kitchen island, staring down into the swirling liquid in front of me. Spencer picked up her own mug and moved to sit beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder as a gesture of both comfort and support.

“So, what’s going on, Em?” She asked quietly, moving her hand in circles on my back. “I know it must have been difficult for you, having Aria bring up Nate earlier, but I’m sensing that’s not the only thing upsetting you… and I definitely don’t think that’s the reason you came over to my house in the middle of the night.”

At first, I just nodded, wanting to gather both my thoughts and my wits before beginning what I knew would be a very intense conversation. Spencer waited patiently, her hand still massaging my shoulders, her eyes never leaving my face. 

“Nate is part of the reason I’m here, but he’s not the main reason,” I started, knowing we would have to talk about him at some point but wanting to get through the more difficult discussion first. “I was over at Ali’s earlier, she wanted to talk…”

I found myself choking on the words that were meant to follow, and I had trouble continuing as I struggled to find the appropriate way to describe the situation I had run away from earlier that night. I took a sip of tea. It was hot.

“Ok… what did she want to talk about?” Spencer inquired softly, taking a sip of her own tea as I continued to drink mine.

“About how I’ve been kind of absent recently, not picking up her calls or returning them, and how her dad wants to take her away from Rosewood. She wasn’t very happy with me, but you know that I had to create some distance between us,” I explained as my best friend nodded, her eyes still never leaving my face as she took in every word that I uttered. “But I told her I thought she should do it, Spence. I told her she should leave. Paige warned me earlier tonight that it wouldn’t be safe for Ali to come back to school, and I wanted to protect her, but I also know that that’s not the only reason I had for wanting her to go…”

My head was spinning with the implications of my own words, and I was suddenly worried about what Spencer would think of me after I had voiced them. For so long I had been the one standing up for Ali, the one fighting the hardest to get her back, but now that she was I couldn’t handle it; I couldn’t handle having her be the center of my life anymore. 

“Your self-preservation instinct is kicking in, Em,” my best friend stated confidently, finishing the last of her tea before turning to face me. “It makes complete sense. Ali really messed you up before, she broke your heart, and then you couldn’t even be mad at her because she was suddenly just gone from the face of the earth. You’ve lived with this idealized version of her for years now, we all have. 

Now she’s back and you’re afraid she’s going to hurt you again, because she doesn’t seem all the different from before she left, but you can’t help but want to protect her anyway. You said it yourself, a part of you is still in love with her, but it’s also just who you are. You protect the people you care about, you always have. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to distance yourself a little bit though, especially to protect yourself.”

“But she just lost her mom, Spence… Isn’t it selfish of me to push her away when she so obviously needs us right now?” I asked, sliding my cold tea away before turning to face her.

Spencer sat back for a second, mulling over my question before getting up abruptly and moving to the couch. She motioned for me to join her, facing me from one side of the couch as she reached out to take my hands after I was settled.

“I think that there’s a difference between being there for her and laying down everything else in your life to become vulnerable to her again. Let’s be honest, it’s going to be really difficult for all of us to move past having Ali be the center of our lives, especially since it was that way long before she went missing, but we’re going to have to try and figure out who we are outside of Ali’s influence.

We have moved towards that, I think, by leaning on each other and talking to each other the way that we have over the past few days, but it’s going to take time. For all of us. So all I can say is that you should try not to beat yourself up about it so much if something small happens. It doesn’t mean that you’re moving backward, just that you’re not completely free yet. You are getting there, Em. In the meantime, you know I’m here, and you can talk to me about all of this whenever you need to. I’ll pull you back from the brink of crevasse Ali.”

Nodding, I smiled as Spencer chuckled at her own sad attempt at a joke, and it was only then that I realized how exhausted I was. Moving to lay down on the couch, I placed my head in Spencer’s lap, wanting to stay as close to her as possible. My best friend moved her hands to run through my hair once more, and I just gazed up at her for a few moments, wondering how I got so lucky to have her in my life.

“Do you think that my reaction to what happened with Nate was too mild?” I asked timidly, turning my eyes away from the brown orbs above me. “I mean, the way Aria is handling things with Shana and whatnot, it makes me think that I should have freaked out more or something. Does the fact that I didn’t make me a bad person?”

“Absolutely not,” Spencer stated definitively, pulling my chin so I was looking at her again. “I remember you during that time, Em. You may not have been spazzing out like Aria, but you shrunk so far into yourself that you were barely even there anymore. It took a long time for you to stop beating yourself up about what happened, and I still don’t think that you’ve fully forgiven yourself for doing what you had to.

For both you and Aria though, what you did, you did out of self-defense. Neither of you are bad people. You were protecting the people that you care about; there’s nothing wrong with that. And even though you both had to do something terrible, you’re different people and your circumstances were different, so you’re going to handle what happened differently. There is no wrong way to process, so don’t judge your process according to Aria’s, because they’re two completely different situations.”

Looking away, I took a few minutes to think over what Spencer said. Obviously my questions and doubts were not going to disappear just like that, no matter how logical my best friend’s argument, but it definitely gave me a different way of seeing both Aria’s situation and my own. I was hopeful that that new perspective could help me heal in time, and maybe I could help Aria in the process.

“It’s always the two of us, isn’t it?” I asked ruefully, smiling up at Spencer as she continued to run her fingers through my hair. I had to fight to keep my eyes from drifting shut in my contentment.

“What do you mean?” She inquired with a chuckle, looking down at me bemusedly.

“We’re always trying to protect and take care of everyone else. Sometimes I think we forget that we can’t do that for others unless we do it for ourselves first,” I offered, yawning the last half of my statement and feeling yet again just how exhausted I really was.

Spencer yawned right after I did, seeming to slide lower on the couch as her eyes drooped with exhaustion as well.

“It’s true, we need to take better care of ourselves, but that doesn’t change anything fundamentally,” she murmured quietly, her eyes already closed.

“Hmmm?” I questioned, wanting her to explain but unable to form words as my own eyes slipped shut of their own volition.

“It will always be the two of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or story lines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	5. You Owe Her Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is from after the bathroom scene between Ali and the girls in 5x5, and it’s from Spencer’s POV.

Honestly, I should have seen it coming. 

Unfortunately, for once in my life, I was trying to give someone the benefit of the doubt, and it blew up in my face horrendously. So, I did the only thing I could think to do at the moment. I rolled my eyes at Ali’s lame, half-assed excuses and waited until all the other girls had left the bathroom before exiting myself. After failing to protect them from Ali’s lies yet again, I felt the least I could do was create a physical barrier between them and the person who hurt them. Or, rather, the person who hurt them yet again.

As soon as I walked through the bathroom door I ran into Emily, who was standing there like a statue with a swiveling head, practically directly in front of my exit. Her eyes were wild as she looked back at everyone that was staring at us, and it seemed she was on the verge of tears yet again. I could slap Ali for crushing Emily’s heart for what seemed like the millionth time. I reached my hand out to pull my best friend away with me, wanting to talk, but she bolted before I could. Seeing that Aria and Hanna were about to go after her, I motioned for them to stay put and chased after her myself. 

I knew exactly where she would go.

The doors to the pool swung shut loudly behind me, but Emily’s head didn’t even twitch from where she had buried it in her knees, all curled up next to the body of water that had once been her safe haven. Moving to sit on my knees beside her, I pulled her into me, feeling her body tremble as I brought her closer to my own. I assumed she was crying, but when she pulled her head up to look at me there were no tear tracks on her face. She just looked mad as hell.

Em could be downright scary when she wanted to be.

“I can’t believe it, Spence. After all our talks, after everything I said about being over Ali and wanting to move on, I still let her get to me. And not just get to me as in convince me to do something for her, oh no. I mean get to me as in convince me that she returned my feelings, at which point, of course, I just fell right into her arms.

How did I let this happen? How could I possibly have believed that someone who is as good at lying and manipulating as Ali, someone that can make anyone in the world want her, how could I actually believe that she would want me of all people? Naïve little Emily…”

She was hyperventilating by the end of her rant.

I pulled her even more tightly into me, wanting to shelter her from the world forever. The only time I had ever seen her so angry was after Maya was killed, and I couldn’t stand knowing the kind of pain that lay behind my best friend’s anger. Still, I was a little lost. I needed her to clarify some things before I could help her, but I didn’t want to make the situation worse. I decided to tread lightly.

“So wait, Emily, breathe sweetheart. So Ali actually told you that your feelings for her weren’t one-sided?” I asked gently, baffled and suddenly incredibly uncomfortable. 

Something inside of me absolutely hated the idea of Emily and Alison together, so much more than my mild dislike of Emily and Paige’s relationship, but I knew it would happen if Ali confessed to having feelings for my best friend. Not that I was convinced Ali was capable of that strength of human feeling at the time, but Em’s capacity to love was endless, and she had loved Alison for a long time. 

“Almost exactly that, actually. Jesus, I can’t believe I actually fell for her bullshit again! Then I stayed with her last night after you guys left, and I thought it would be a grand idea to kiss her when I couldn’t fall asleep, and then things got heated after she kept kissing back… 

I thought it was genuine! I thought she actually meant it. I thought she had actually chosen me over everyone else that has been tripping over themselves to be with her for years. What a joke.”

She started hitting her head against her knees, hard, and I had to quickly reach my hands out to keep her from hurting herself. Then I used them to turn her face toward me, anxious for her to hear and understand every word I spoke.

“Stop it, Em. That’s not going to help. And stop selling yourself short. Anyone who had the chance would be the luckiest person in the world to have your love, especially Ali after everything she has put you through. So I’ll just start off by telling you the same thing I said back when Paige was still kind of crazy and messing with you: I will destroy her. If she’s really just messing with your heart again, Em, I am so serious right now, they will never find the body. Never.

However, and I can’t believe I’m saying this but it would seem I will do anything for you Emily Fields, I don’t actually think that’s the case this time. We both know Ali is the best of liars and a supreme secret keeper, but she’s never been all that great at hiding how much she cares about you, especially not since we found out she was alive. I’m not saying that that automatically means she returns your feelings, but I’m not ruling it out either. Ali has always been afraid to be herself. Hell, her entire life she’s been playing a whole cast of different characters just to escape who she really is. Maybe this is why; maybe she was afraid she wouldn’t be accepted. 

Either way, I think you need to talk to her; you’ll never get closure if you don’t. And even if you guys make up and decide to take a shot at being together, you have to know that I will still be here for you no matter what. I promised you always, and that is a promise I intend to keep. Just so you know though, I think you deserve better.”

Emily just burrowed into me, still trembling but not quite so bad anymore. I wrapped my arms around her and did the same, content to sit there and hold her for the rest of the day, forever really. That was not a sensation I was accustomed to at all, and it kind of freaked me out. Even sitting with Toby for long periods made me restless. I was never restless with Emily though, and I didn’t understand why, but there it was. 

After some immeasurable amount of time, my best friend pulled away, pushing her hair from her face and sighing deeply. Leaning back on her arms and stretching her legs out in front of her so she was perpendicular to me, she turned her face to look in my direction, suddenly concerned again.

“I’m so sorry, Spence,” she started, confusing me as I moved to mirror her position. “Here I am so wrapped up in what’s going on with Ali and I that I haven’t even asked you… Why did you have to leave school so early yesterday? We were really worried about you, I was really worried about you, especially with all your family stuff that’s going on right now. Is everything okay with your parents? With Melissa?”

I had not anticipated that inquiry, and I definitely was not prepared for it, so it took me a few moments to get my shit together and actually answer her. She had texted and called me so many times the day before, but I didn’t even know what to tell her, especially not while my mom was around. I hadn’t wanted to lie to her like I had lied to Hanna’s mom. With Ali back, I was realizing how damaging lies could be, and I didn’t want anything coming between Emily and me, especially not lies.

“My mom left my dad, and she took me with her. She came to get me from school because she wanted me to pack my stuff and get it out of the house before Dad got home,” I explained slowly, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes as I tried valiantly not to cry. 

There was no way to tell if we were alone at the pool, so I didn’t want to give the reason for my parents’ split, especially knowing it could easily get back to Ali. Emily deserved the full explanation, but she would have to wait.

She looked absolutely gobsmacked at my confession though. Her eyes grew comically large once I finally brought my eyes up to glance at her, and I had to look away again because her concern just made me want to cry even more.

“Spencer, why would you keep this from me? You know that I’m here for you, why would you try to handle this on your own?” She demanded, sitting up straight and turning towards me. Her voice was quiet, but it echoed around the pool area, and I could feel how upset she was more and more with every vibration of the sound. 

It was so powerful I actually flinched.

“There’s more to the story than just that, but I don’t want to talk about it out in the open like this, so I promise we’ll meet up later and I’ll explain everything. The reason I didn’t come right over when I found out, or text you, was because I was with my mom most of the day. She needed me, Em. Once we were all settled, I went over to talk to Hanna because she had been through this before…”

I stopped to take a breath, to try and steady myself so I wouldn’t cry as I continued, but Emily cut in before I could.

“That doesn’t explain why you didn’t at least call me. All I got was a text saying you were fine and we would talk later. Come on, Spencer, I thought we were beyond that,” she contended heatedly, moving to stand and pace in the small area between the pool and me.

“I was afraid, Em. When I tell you everything later you’ll understand better, but I was terrified that you would see me differently, and you know that that would kill me.”

My eyes were downcast and my heart was in my throat. I couldn’t deal with all the emotions welling up inside me. I just wanted to escape.

“Spence, what could possibly make me think of you differently and not Hanna? You know how much I care about you, that I would do anything for you. How can you not know that nothing would change that?”

Emily knelt down next to me and took my face into her hands as she spoke, finally causing me to break. Tears streamed down my face and I sniffed lamely, still trying to hold back the sob that had taken up residence in the back of my throat.

“It’s my fault, Em. I’m the reason my mom felt like she had to leave,” I whimpered, looking up at her and hoping she wouldn’t judge my words too harshly.

“Oh Spence,” she murmured, pulling me bodily into her and running her fingers through my hair as she hugged me tightly. “I’m absolutely certain that’s not true. We are going to talk about this later, you’re going to tell me everything, and I’ll show you. Your mom loves you Spencer, and it’s obvious that she’ll do anything for you, but you also know that she and your dad have fought over a lot lately, and it wasn’t usually you. There are a lot of lies in that relationship, and the majority of them have nothing to do with you, or even with Melissa. Don’t put this on yourself, Spence, it’s not your fault.”

All I could do was continue to cry for a few minutes, burrowed into Emily and trying my best to believe her words. Eventually, I was able to pull myself together and sit back, quickly realizing that we had missed almost all of first period. Wiping my eyes, I figured it was time to go.

“We should get to class, Em. First period is almost over,” I observed, standing and offering my hand to pull her up.

“Yeah, we probably should,” she agreed, scrutinizing my face for a moment as she stood next to me. “But we will talk later for sure. Text me if you need anything today, I’ll leave class if you need me.”

“Thanks, Em,” I offered, hugging her tightly once more before pushing her towards the door. “Now get going, I’ll text you later about meeting up. See you at lunch.”

Emily walked away with a mock salute, a smile on her face that didn’t quite reach her eyes. I knew it would be a hard day for both of us, but I looked forward to spending more time with her after school because I knew that talking everything over would make me feel ten times lighter than before. 

Turning away, I started making my way to the other door, intent on getting to class before it ended. The door behind me slammed shut, and I assumed that Emily had left the pool area, so I jumped a little when someone placed a hand on my shoulder from behind as I passed the bleachers.

“Em…” I started, assuming she had forgotten to tell me something as I turned, and nearly jumping out of my skin when I saw who had actually grabbed me. “Jesus Ali, you scared me. How long have you been in here?”

My tone was blatantly accusatory as I glared at her. I had no doubt she had been eavesdropping on Emily and me.

“I’m sorry, Spencer. I followed you guys in here from the bathroom. Honestly, I just wanted to try and apologize again, especially to Emily, but you guys started talking without realizing I was here and I didn’t want to intrude,” she offered lamely, fidgeting nervously with her hands, a gesture I hadn’t seen her use in ages. 

I was still pissed.

“So you just decided to spy on us instead? Yeah, that’s not intrusive at all! Way to try and win back our trust with that one. I swear, Ali, you haven’t changed one bit,” I spit out, turning to walk away from her, my blood boiling at the thought of her having been there the whole time.

Em and my conversation had been so intimate and personal that I couldn’t ever imagine sharing it with anyone but my best friend. Yet here was Ali, selfishly intruding, and ruining everything all over again.

“You don’t actually believe that, or you wouldn’t have told Emily to take a chance on me. Thank you for that, by the way. We just found each other, Spence, I can’t lose her again,” Ali asserted quietly, her voice pulling me back around to face her. Ali was never quiet.

I actually wanted to puke when she thanked me.

“I didn’t say that she should give you a chance, I said that she should talk to you and that I would be there for her **if** she decided to give you a chance. None of that was for you Alison, especially not after today. It was all for Emily, because, out of everyone I know, she deserves nothing by happiness. Personally, I think she could do a lot better, that she deserves a lot better, but that’s not a decision I would ever try to make for her. But so help me, Ali, if you hurt her again I swear to god…” I stated definitively, stepping toward her in a pretty threatening manner with my last words.

Alison actually took a step away from me, and I felt gratified for about a millisecond before realizing I didn’t want to frighten anyone. Ali may have messed up, a lot, but she was still my friend and she had still been through a lot. I immediately went to apologize, but she stepped in before I could even open my mouth.

“It’s okay, Spence, I know you just want to protect her, and I know from earlier that no one would ever find my body,” Ali chuckled, referencing my conversation with Emily from before and making my blood boil all over again. “Honestly, I get it. Em is the best of us, we all know that, and I love her all the more for it, just like you do.”

My head tilted just a bit in confusion as I took in the tone of her words, and that only caused Ali’s grin to grow before she continued. I couldn’t decide if the grin was joyful or teasing or menacing, and that immediately put me on edge.

“Come on, Spence. You’ve always cared more about Emily than anyone else in our group. You started playing protective mama bear as soon as you befriended her, and you absolutely hated how she fawned over me. Don’t tell me that you’ve never thought about it… All these promises of always, the way you hold her as if she were the most precious thing in the world to you. From what I’ve seen, you’re not like that with anyone else except for Emily, not even with Toby.”

I shut my eyes tightly, trying to block out Ali’s voice before shaking my head and starting towards the exit again. Escape was my only option. Actually thinking about what Ali was saying was an impossibility. I couldn’t do it.

“I don’t have to listen to this. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I argued, my voice trembling, making me realize that Ali might have been closer to the truth than I wanted to admit, to myself or otherwise.

Denial was the only way I was going to survive.

“Deny it all you want, Spence, god knows I did, but that’s not going to change anything. You would do anything for her, even try to eliminate a part of yourself that you think would upset her or make her uncomfortable, something I could never do, but it doesn’t work that way. Even if she doesn’t return your feelings, she deserves the truth. You owe her at least that much, Spencer. You own yourself at least that much.”

The irony of Ali talking about the truth would have hit me as humorous in any other situation, but I barely even acknowledged it at the time. I was literally running away from her, pushing the door open and sprinting down the hallway as the bell rang to signal the end of first period, but Ali’s last words somehow managed to follow me anyway.

“I’m not going to let her go so easily, Spencer, but you owe her more than being a coward and running away. You owe her courage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or story lines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	6. You Will Never Be Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one takes place after the end of episode 5x6, it assumes the girls all ended up at school after their morning adventures and it’s from Emily’s POV.
> 
> Possible trigger warnings – depression, subtle reference to suicidal thoughts

Ali and I pulled up at school in silence not long after our conversation with Lieutenant Tanner. I was shaken to the core by the discussion and the subsequent A message that Ali received, and my friend looked even more frightened than I felt. 

Friend, I didn’t even know if that was the appropriate word for her anymore. Everything was unraveling, I couldn’t even tell which way was up and which way was down, let alone the difference between the truth and a lie coming from the person sitting next to me. So I just sat in my car after parking, not sure if I even wanted to go to school that day.

“Em? Em, are you okay?” Ali questioned from beside me, reaching out to grasp my hand and causing me to flinch.

She looked absolutely crestfallen at my reaction, and I swiftly moved to take her hands in my own. I may not have been certain what to call her, but I still cared deeply about Ali, and I didn’t want to hurt her when I knew she was already in so much pain. 

“Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine, let’s just get this day over with,” I said distractedly, shaking my head and trying to break out of the stupor I had suddenly found myself drowning in. 

Ali tightened her grip on my hands when I tried to pull away, and I just glanced over at her in confusion, not understanding what she wanted.

“We have plenty of time, Em. Can we just stay here for a few minutes? Talk maybe? I’m worried about you…”

Those were words I did not hear from her often.

“Okay… What do you want to talk about?” I inquired cautiously, not entirely keen on having a deep discussion when I was so incredibly emotionally fragile.

“I’m glad that you and Spencer have become so close,” she began, making me even more confused than before. I had no idea where she was going with a discussion about Spencer and my friendship, but she just kept talking. “It seems like she rubbed off on you during the time I was gone. You two are the great protectors of the group now, and I feel a lot safer with you both around. I think it’s great that you look out for each other the way you do, it’s important.”

The whole speech should have been complimentary, but there was a tone underlying her voice that made me nervous. It felt the same as when she thanked me for saving her, and I was uncomfortable all of a sudden. Ali turned towards me, keeping our hands linked firmly, and stared directly at me with inquisitive eyes. I had no idea what she wanted from me. Still, I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about Spencer.

“We try to, protect each other I mean,” I started, the smile remaining on my face as I spoke. “After you disappeared, Aria moved and Hanna stopped hanging out with us, so it was really just Spencer and me for a good long while. We leaned on each other a lot, and she was the one that was there for me most when we thought you were dead, and again later when I lost Maya. To be honest, I’m not really sure what I would have done without her.”

Ali smiled back at me, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t the one that was there for you. I’m so sorry for what I put you through, Emily.”

Tears were in her eyes and I reached out to place my hands on her cheeks, scooting a bit closer to capture her full attention.

“I know that you are, Ali, but words can only do so much. You have to show us that we can trust you again, and trying to run away without telling us certainly doesn’t help your case,” I explained calmly, wanting desperately for her to understand where I was coming from; where all of us were coming from.

She just nodded at first, and I hoped that the topic was closed for the time being. It was obvious that was not the case when she stretched a hand out to brush a piece of hair behind my ear and her eyes migrated to my lips. I had just a split second to pull away before she tried to kiss me, and I was suddenly brimming with anger. I had told her no already before, but apparently she wasn’t too interested in respecting my boundaries.

“Please, Emily. I can’t lose you again, please don’t pull away from me,” she begged, moving away a little to give me space. I appreciated the gesture, even if it was too little too late.

“Ali, I’m not in a place right now that I can be with you. You have to earn my trust back before I can commit to anything with you, and I need you to understand and respect that that’s what I need. Kissing is not going to fix this, and you forcing the issue is just making things worse,” I sighed exasperatedly, moving to open the car door. “Now come on, I can’t miss first period today. I have a quiz I need to pass, and I’m not leaving you out here alone.”

I got out of the car without giving her a chance to reply, slamming the door kind of unnecessarily, and moved to get my backpack out of the back seat. It took her at least five minutes to follow suit, and I just leaned against the car, waiting for her. There was no way I was apologizing for telling her the truth; she would just have to deal with it.

We walked into school in silence, but I didn’t pull away when Ali reached out to hold my hand. I liked holding her hand. I liked kissing her too, but that made me more vulnerable than I was comfortable with. Holding hands didn’t have to mean anything, kissing always meant something, and that something was not within my comfort zone at that point. My line in the sand had been drawn, and maybe I could erase it in the future, but I could only hope that she would respect it while it existed.

Surprisingly, Ali didn’t relinquish my hand even after we entered the building and walked to the courtyard. Even when we met up with the girls, she held on, and I had to pull myself away when Hanna noticed and glared at me accusingly.

“You okay, Em?” Spencer inquired, having missed the handholding but not my reaction to Hanna’s response.

My annoyance must have been very obvious. 

“Yeah, fine. Listen, guys, I need to get to class, I’ll catch up with you all later,” I answered hurriedly, making eye contact with Spencer to reassure her before practically sprinting away from our group.

Once I was out of sight of everyone I slowed down, trying to stop my head from spinning so violently. Making a decision, I pulled my phone out and sent a text to Spencer, asking her to meet with me for lunch without the rest of the girls. I needed to talk to someone, and I couldn’t handle Hanna or Alison while I was so all over the place and questioning everything I thought I knew.

**\- - -**

“Hey, Em,” Spencer greeted, placing a soft kiss on the crown of my head before taking a seat on the bench beside me.

I just nodded hello in return. My heart was still in my toes. My lunch bag sat unopened beside me. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I was so overwhelmed; I felt like I simply couldn’t function anymore.

A door slammed shut somewhere behind me and I almost fell off the bench it made me jump so badly.

It was ridiculous. I felt ridiculous.

“Hey, hey, Em, you’re okay. I’m right here, sweetheart,” Spencer cooed right after I jumped, moving to hold me from the side, her forehead resting lightly on my temple. “I’ve got you, love.”

The tears were ready and waiting, but I refused to let them fall. I was so tired of crying. I was so tired of living a life that made me feel like crying almost all the time. I was just tired. I just wanted it to be done.

“God, Spencer, how have we done this for so long?” I demanded, my voice shaking with exhaustion and terror.

“I don’t know, babe. I honestly don’t,” she started to reply, but stopped in the middle of her response suddenly and pulled away to look at me. “Actually, that’s a lie. We’ve done this for so long by having each other. We’ve survived because we have each other.”

It was so true. I never would have made it through half the shit I had had Spencer not been by my side. Ali was right; we took care of each other.

“You know, Ali told me something interesting last night,” I mentioned, getting a raised eyebrow from my best friend that told me to continue. “She was thanking me, saying I saved her life, and she told me I wasn’t like most people. She said most people see danger and they run in the other direction, but not me. I was just thinking about it though, and maybe it’s not the bravery that she’s alluding to that makes me do it. Maybe subconsciously I’m just too tired to run away anymore. Maybe I just want it to be done.”

Looking up, I noticed that Spencer was crying. I immediately moved toward her, feeling terrible for upsetting her, but she held a hand up to keep some space between us. She had never done that with me before. I couldn’t hold my tears in anymore.

“Please, Em. Please don’t talk like that,” Spencer whispered, taking a deep breath and gathering herself before wrapping me so tightly in her arms that I had trouble breathing. I didn’t even care. I needed to be held just as much as she needed to hold me. “I don’t know what I would do without you. You can’t leave me, I won’t let you.”

She was sobbing by the time she finished speaking, and I turned so I could hold onto her more tightly. I forced myself to stop crying. Spencer needed me to be strong for her, and I was going to do my best.

“I’m sorry, Spence. I didn’t mean it like that. I could never leave you, especially like that. I’m so sorry, please don’t cry,” I murmured in her ear, only stopping to glare at a couple of gawking freshmen that had mistakenly found their way into our secluded area. 

They scurried back the way they had come.

“You promise?” Spencer demanded tearfully, lifting her head up to look at me.

“I promise,” I swore genuinely, reaching up to wipe away her tears and offering her a rueful, apologetic smile.

“Good,” she asserted, trying to sound confident. Her sniffle at the end kind of ruined the effect she was going for. “It’s not true though, you know? You’ve always run towards danger, it’s just always when someone you care about is in trouble. You were the first one up the bell tower to try and save me when Ian went crazy, even though you had no idea what could be waiting for you at the top of the stairs. You refused to let Nate hurt Paige. You practically stepped in front of Ali when Shana was threatening us. You’re a lot stronger and more courageous than you give yourself credit for. I don’t buy for a second that it’s anything other than that.”

Once more, I wondered how I could ever function without the woman in my arms.

“Thank you, Spence,” I offered, not completely convinced, but not feeling quite as empty as I had before either. My best friend just nodded and burrowed back into my side, her lunch forgotten just as mine had been. “I’m sorry for yelling at you the other day. If I’m being honest, I was kind of jealous that you went to Hanna about your parents instead of me. It was immature though, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Em,” she argued, her lips brushing against my neck as she spoke and making me jump a little at the contact. It tickled. “You and Ali have been so close lately, I didn’t want to have to ask you not to say anything to her. Now that we know for sure that my dad had nothing to do with her mom’s death, it doesn’t matter, but at the time I didn’t want to be the cause of an even bigger rift between you two.”

Spencer Hastings, always the protector. Sometimes to the point of absurdity.

“You really need to stop trying to shield me from everything, Spence. If I’m really as strong as you like to tell me I am, I should be able to handle it. And, if not, that’s what I have my best friend for,” I stated strongly before moving her back so she was looking at me. “And just to be clear, I will never let Ali come between you and me. You were struggling, you needed me, and I never would have put whatever I have with Ali above you. Whatever I have with her is completely separate from our friendship, and I will never let that or anything else come between us. We have been through too much together for something stupid like that to tear us apart. Always, that’s us, remember?”

Finally, I got a smile out of her. It was small, and she still clung to me like I was going to disappear if she didn’t hold on tight enough, but it was there.

“Hey Em, do you mind if I bounce an A theory off you? I mean, it’s not really a theory… it’s just, I’m trying to think through some stuff, you know, since you found out from Paige that Melissa seems to be involved in all this insanity…” my best friend stuttered, obviously uncertain about asking, and probably even more uncertain about what she was about to say.

“Spit it out, Spence. You know you can tell me anything,” I assured her, moving to sit up a little so I could give her my undivided attention.

She nodded, took a deep breath, opened her mouth to start, closed it again, thought for a moment, and then finally spoke.

“So, do you remember that mask place? The one with the creepy guy where we found out Melissa thought Ali was still alive?” Spencer asked quickly as if she had to get it all out at once or she might never say it. I just nodded, urging her to continue before she lost her momentum. “Well, Melissa took the molds of her face out to the lake and started destroying them. I followed her out there, and I confronted her about everything.

She started out by denying everything, of course, but then I asked her if she had been on the Halloween train. I asked her if she had tried to kill me. She kind of lost it at that point, like I had never seen her lose it before. Immediately she denied trying to kill me, she said that was Wilden, and then I found out she hadn’t known it was Mona wearing the Ali mask. Melissa had guessed it, but she hadn’t known for sure, which I would think she would have known if she was on the train with Mona… 

Em, she said that everything she’s done, everything, has been to protect me. Then, the other night, she was trying to tell me something but my dad stopped her. Now, with what Paige said, I don’t know what to think anymore. I know Melissa and I have never been close, I mean we hated each other for a really long time, but I guess I just never wanted to believe that my own sister could be party to torturing us like this for all this time.”

I had to sit back and think about that for a moment. Melissa had never been my favorite person, I had always hated the way she treated her sister, but I could see where Spencer was coming from. I couldn’t see the oldest Hastings sibling being so sadistically cruel. Maybe there was another explanation.

“So what are you thinking? Is this another Toby situation? Did Melissa join up with A to get insider information? To protect you? I mean, she seems pretty embroiled in all this, how long ago would she have had to of known about all of this? And what does that even mean? Does she know who A is?” I questioned a little too quickly, physically pulling myself back so I didn’t shoot my remaining three hundred questions rapid-fire at an already overwhelmed Spencer.

“Honestly Em, I have no idea. I really hope it’s more along the lines of a Toby thing, if only because I’m terrified of what it means if she’s really just willingly part of the A-Team. I mean, how much must she hate me if that’s true? And what does that say about me as a person if my own sister hates me that much?”

Grabbing Spencer’s hands tightly, I caught her eye, intent on making sure she heard every word that I said. Going back to Radley, just stepping into the building, had taken a real toll on her. That old self-doubt was creeping back into her mind, and I would be damned if I let it take root again.

“If that’s the case then she is a terrible, sadistic psychopath, and that has nothing to do with you, Spence. You and Melissa may have had your differences in the past, but even if you added up every mistake and bad judgment call you have ever made, you still wouldn’t deserve what A has put us through. No one deserves this. So even if Melissa is A, or is voluntarily involved with A, that’s on her. It’s not your fault.

For my part, I really do hope that your theory is right though. I really hope that she’s doing everything she can possibly think of to protect you and that that’s how she got so enmeshed in this situation. It’s definitely possible. It’s the only thing I can think of that explains all the weird conversations the two of you have had over the past couple of years. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that that is the case, for your sake, Spence.”

My best friend nodded at her lap before turning to stare out at the small outdoor space we had claimed as our own. I wanted so badly to believe that Melissa wasn’t deliberately working to hurt her own sister, especially since I vowed to beat the shit out of her if it were true, but I couldn’t be sure about anything anymore. Everything I thought I knew about the world had been turned on its head, and I was dizzy from looking at everything upside down.

“Well, no matter what happens, at least I’ve got my best friend. At least I know you have my back,” Spencer observed, turning back to face me and giving me her first genuine smile of the day.

“That I do. I’ve always got your back, Spence. You’ll never be alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or story lines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	7. We Will Figure This Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one takes place after two separate scenes in 5x7, the first is after the conversation about A at the beginning of the episode and the second is right before the final scene of the girls talking about Ali being on the video. It is from Spencer’s POV.

Somehow we always ended up having conversations about A in the same bathroom, and it was always the furthest one from my first-period class. We really needed to switch things up, because my first period teacher looked like she was going to have an aneurysm the last time I showed up late. 

I was power walking to class, worrying about how I was going to handle dinner with Alison and Mrs. Fields after Ali called me out the other day, when the person I dreading speaking to most made another appearance. 

“Spence, wait up,” Ali called, jogging down the hall to catch up with me. 

I only slowed a little. I really did not want to have this conversation.

“I really need to get to class, Ali. I can’t be late again,” I bit out, not even trying to hide how irritated I was by her presence.

“No worries, I’ll walk with you. I just wanted to ask, because you guys have been so close lately, do you think Em is okay? She’s been acting kind of weird around me the last few days, skittish almost…” She explained, seeming absolutely clueless as to her role in Emily’s recent pain and aloofness.

The rolling of my eyes was entirely involuntary. Entirely.

“Really, Ali? Her not kissing you whenever you want her to is not Emily being weird; she’s protecting herself. You have a long way to go in earning her trust back, so I suggest you work on that and, you know, actually talk to her about how she’s feeling instead of going behind her back and demanding answers from me,” I stated without hesitation, refusing to serve as a go-between.

Ali rolled her eyes right back at me.

“Jesus, Spencer, no need to get testy. I was just asking a question, no need to freak out on me just because I know how you feel about our mutual friend, and that you’re still too scared to tell her the truth,” Ali replied, chuckling condescendingly as she did so.

I was so done with her bullshit. Stopping in the middle of the hallway, I stepped very close to Ali, making sure she could hear the harsh whispers that I was intent on keeping from the rest of the student body moving around us. 

“You were completely prepared to walk out on her, Ali. You were wholly prepared to leave her on her own, again, in order to save your own skin. You didn’t give the rest of us a second thought, not even Emily, whom you claim to love. The only reason you’re still here is because A scared you into staying. So don’t speak to me about courage. You are the coward, Alison. You can’t face up to your past, you can’t acknowledge that you need to change, and you’re too terrified of the monsters you created to care about anyone other than yourself. Maybe I am afraid to tell Emily the truth, but that is one lie. You are afraid of living the truth, Ali. 

And, for the record, I would never hurt Emily the way you have. I refuse to play any part in helping you get close to her again since I’m positive you’ll just break her heart like you have so many times before. And I would never, ever make someone as beautiful and good and loving as Emily, someone that I care deeply about, question her worth the way you have. So don’t you dare sit here and try to tell me how I feel about her or what I should do about it. Don’t you dare.”

My breath was coming out in heavy puffs when I finished my speech, and I was shaking all over, but I still managed to glare at Ali before turning away from her. She looked shell-shocked before I left her, but, as always, she must have gathered her wits quickly, because she was able to reply before I got more than a few feet down the hall.

“See you at dinner, Spencer!”

It was said with such superficial friendliness that I wanted to gag, and the underlying condescension was easily discernible to me. Ali was taunting me, again. I wanted so badly to smack her, but I just straightened my shoulders and kept walking to class. I would not give her the satisfaction of seeing me react.

Whatever I felt for Emily, it was none of Ali’s business, especially since I couldn’t even define it myself. Still, that didn’t change the fact that I was terrified she would let something slip in front of my best friend. There was no way I could go to dinner that night. The thought of my secrets being spilled with everyone there to watch the fallout was just too much, especially when I imagined how Mrs. Fields, who had always been so kind to me, would respond to such a revelation. I just couldn’t do it.

Ali was right. I was a coward.

\--Spemily--

Seeing Ali on the screen, lurking around outside my house, shocked me more than it probably should have. We had found out the hard way that she was still okay with lying to us, and I knew she was hiding a lot about what had happened before she ran away, but I had still wanted to believe that there was some good left in her. Emily must have rubbed off on me in that regard. She always tried to see the best in people. Unfortunately, it seemed that our faith in Ali had been misplaced again. So much for my being the smart one.

My first move was to text Emily an SOS message. I wanted to tell her before anyone else, without the other girls there, because I knew it would hit her hardest that Ali still didn’t trust us. From what I knew, Em still hadn’t told Aria and Hanna about what had happened between her and Alison, and I didn’t want her reaction to spill the secret for her. Now was not the time for them to demand answers from my best friend that she probably didn’t even know the answers to herself.

It took barely more than five minutes for my best friend to walk through the kitchen door, her movements frantic.

“Spencer, is everything okay? What happened? Is everyone alright?” Emily demanded after closing the door behind her, moving quickly to my side and grabbing my hand in both of her own.

My stomach fluttered at her touch, and I could feel a blush rising up my neck. Shaking my head, I had to remind myself that serious shit was going down and I didn’t have time for that kind of nonsense. I could ponder my newly complicated feelings for Em some other time.

Damn Alison and her big, annoyingly perceptive mouth.

“No one is in danger, Em, it’s okay. But I have something really important that I need to show you,” I explained, squeezing her hand before pulling mine away so I could use the tablet on the counter in front of us. “When I was helping Ezra move his creepy stalker stuff, I asked to borrow one of his cameras. My intention was to keep an eye on Melissa, but I caught something else entirely a few minutes ago…”

Not really knowing how to continue, I just stopped to think for a moment. I was unsure whether I should try to explain what I had seen first, or just show her the footage straight away. My fingers hovered over the tablet screen with more hesitance than I had anticipated. 

“What, Spence? What did you see?” Em demanded, obviously frustrated with my lack of communication skills.

I couldn’t blame her, so I took the easy way out. Directing her gaze to the screen in my hands, I pressed play. Pausing just when Ali turned her head, I zoomed in, showing Emily what I knew she probably didn’t want to see. My best friend inhaled sharply and stepped back as though she had been physically struck.

“That’s Ali,” she stated, her tone making it obvious her words were not for me. I waited patiently until she continued. “She’s still keeping so many secrets… Do you have any idea what she was doing or where she was going? Did you follow her?”

“No,” I admitted, realizing I had not even thought to pursue Ali when I saw her. The last time I had confronted Alison alone outside my house had not exactly gone well. “I just texted you immediately when I saw her. I wasn’t sure what else to do, I just needed to show you; I needed you to know…”

Emily played the segment again without responding, probably hoping we had both been seeing things before. When nothing changed, she turned back to me, looking as though a heavy weight was pressing down heavily on her shoulders. Something had seemed off with her when she walked in earlier, but she was really struggling after seeing Ali in that video. I wanted so badly to make everything okay for her; I was willing to do absolutely anything in the world to make her happy again, but I knew I wasn’t the person with the power to do that for her, even if I was slowly realizing that I desperately wanted to be.

There was just too much to think about, I couldn’t handle it all at once.

“So I’m assuming you texted Aria and Hanna as well? They definitely need to see this,” Em stated, putting her walls back up.

We had worked so hard together on pulling them down, but there they were again, standing stalwartly between us. It’s not like I could blame her. She had been betrayed so many times at that point, I would be surprised if she ever trusted anyone again, even me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to.

“Uh, no, actually. I wanted you to be the first to know. I wasn’t sure if you had told Hanna and Aria everything that has been going on between you and Ali recently, and I didn’t want you to have to deal with that in the aftermath of this…” I pointed out clumsily, wanting to reach out to her but not sure she would be receptive.

Those walls could be downright impenetrable sometimes, but her shoulders relaxed a little with my words and a ghost of a smile appeared on her lips.

I had to work really hard not to think too much about those lips.

“Thanks, Spence. You’re always taking care of me,” Emily offered gratefully, grasping my hands in her own once more and giving me a sincere, if slightly sad, smile. “You should probably text them though. We can play it off like I just got here whenever they show up.”

Nodding, I sent the two texts, hoping Hanna and Aria would take a little longer than usual to arrive. Something else was going on with Em, and I had no doubt it had to do with the dinner I had skipped out on, which only made me feel worse. If I had been there, maybe I could have protected her, but I had been too much of a coward to show up. So much for always taking care of her. 

“Em, I can tell there’s something else on your mind on top of this, you want to talk about it? Did something happen at dinner?”

“Other than Hanna getting drunk off her ass on vodka right in front of my mother and Ali spinning so many lies I couldn’t even keep up, you mean?” She asked, chuckling humorlessly with a roll of her eyes. “Oh yeah, that was just the tip of the iceberg. I also found out that my mom doesn’t believe Ali’s story, and she knows that I’ve had feelings for Ali for a long time now. On top of all that, she gave me some advice that has my head in such a mess I can’t think straight about anything right now. I really wish you had come; I feel like I would have dealt better with you around, Spence.”

Emily moved to sit on one of the barstools, her head immediately dropping into her hands. She looked exhausted and overwhelmed and I wanted to punch myself for having had any part in her pain. I moved quickly to her side, wrapping my arms around her tightly from the side and touching my forehead to her temple, wanting as much contact as possible while trying not to be too awkwardly clingy.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Melissa has just been so weird lately, and then I saw Ezra’s camera stash when I was helping him move stuff today, and I just became obsessed. If I had known Hanna was going to be such a little shit about this, I would have dropped everything, I promise. I had no idea it was going to go so badly, Em. Honestly, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you when I should have been. I’m a terrible friend.”

My last sentence was whispered, but as soon as she heard it, Emily grabbed onto me tightly, as though she never planned to let go. I was perfectly okay with that thought.

“Don’t say that,” she admonished, turning into me, her forehead moving to the crook of my neck. “You’re the only one that I have who hasn’t let me down. And no, I don’t count you following me to the warehouse meeting with Ali as you letting me down, you just made a bad choice in the name of protecting me. You’re always trying to protect me, Spence.”

“You deserve to be protected,” I whispered, tightening my grip on my best friend and hoping my statement wasn’t a step too far; that I wouldn’t freak her out.

“You do too, Spencer,” Emily whispered right back, making it very difficult for me to fight off a smile.

I didn’t necessarily agree with her, but I felt like I could fly knowing she felt that way about me.

We just stood there, holding each other for a good few minutes, and I could have stayed in her arms forever. Nothing would have made me happier. A piece of her earlier description of the dinner suddenly jumped out at me though, and I pulled away a little.

“What was it that your mom said that had you so stressed out, Em?” I inquired carefully, not certain she wanted to talk about it after the way she had explained it earlier in the night.

Mrs. Fields and I had always gotten along, except directly after Emily came out. She had struggled with it a lot and handled herself exceedingly poorly, but she had come around in the end, and we had been as close as ever the past year or so. In all the time I had spent with Emily’s mom, there was never an instance when she gave me bad or questionable advice. So, I had to know what she had said to Em, especially if it had to do with her not believing Ali’s story.

Em took a deep breath, and my anxiety levels shot up in response.

“She said that just because I saved Ali once didn’t mean that I had to keep saving her,” my best friend explained, facing the ground as she spoke and absolutely refusing to look me in the eye for anything.

I had to emotionally step back for a moment, but I kept physical contact with Emily regardless. It was easy to tell that she needed support in that moment, and I was determined to do what I hadn’t been able to earlier in the night: stand by her no matter how frightened I was of my own feelings. Mrs. Fields’ perceptiveness had taken me by complete surprise, so I couldn’t even imagine how my best friend was reacting to such a statement from her mother. 

“And? What do you think? Do you think your mom is right?” I questioned gently, trying not to interrogate her but intent on knowing where she was with this. 

Hanna had been saying it all along, that maybe we had sacrificed enough for Ali, but I don’t think I had truly understood where she was coming from until that moment. Ali and I may not have always gotten along, but I was extremely protective when it came to the people I cared about, so it had never really occurred to me to just straight up walk away from her. But maybe Mrs. Fields had the right idea; maybe we needed to figure out when enough was enough and it was time to walk away.

“To be perfectly frank, I have no clue. You know better than most that Ali being back has me all over the place, not knowing how I feel about her or how she feels about me or what I should do next. My mom means well, and maybe she’s right, but I don’t think I’m capable of giving up on Ali just yet. Whatever is happening right now might change that, but I haven’t reached the point of no return yet if that makes any sense at all,” she offered quietly, looking up at me as though asking if what she was feeling was acceptable.

Although my heart clenched a little painfully when she admitted she wasn’t ready to give up on Ali, I was definitely not about to make her feel like she had to apologize for her heart, especially not after everything she had been through. I could deal as long as she was okay. 

“That does make sense, Em, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way,” I replied, forcing the words out before they ate me up inside. “You can’t just up and change the way you feel about someone, especially when it’s someone you will do anything for and whom you’ve cared about for a long time. If you feel like we need to give Ali a chance to explain, I will stand by your choice because I have faith in you, but I should probably admit that I don’t have much faith in Alison at this point. She’s making it really hard for me to trust her.”

“Thank you, for believing in me, Spence. I know you and Ali have been at odds a lot, and you’re pretty much suspicious of everyone at this point, so it means a lot that you trust me as much as you do,” she stated, hugging me once more, her head returning to its home in the crook of my neck.

I sighed contentedly, having her so close made up for everything that was happening.

“I’ve already told you always, Em, and I mean it. Even when you can’t count on anyone else, you’ll have me, whenever you need me, whatever you need.”

There was no response except a tighter embrace, and that was completely okay with me. So many words had been spoken between us recently that I felt action was the only way left for us to express ourselves. 

“Hey guys, is everything okay?” Aria questioned out of nowhere, causing me to jump and step back, loosening my arms around Emily but not letting go entirely.

I realized I would never be able to let go of Emily entirely.

“Uh, hey Aria, yeah, we’re good. I just really need to show you guys something,” I replied quickly, finally moving from Em’s side back to the tablet, but not before I whispered in my best friend’s ear. “We can talk later. We’ll figure this out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or story lines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	8. The Chaos My Heart Creates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set during Spencer and Emily’s drive back from the stables. It is from Emily’s POV.

Spencer and I sprinted to the car from the barn, our feet flying through the mud so fast I was certain there was a wave of it being kicked up behind us as we fled. She took out her keys and tried to get in the driver’s seat, but I quickly grabbed them out of her hand and ushered her to the other side of the car. With my best friend still clutching at her face where she had been kicked, there was no way I was letting her drive, especially not with how insanely hard it was raining out. So I jumped into the driver’s seat myself and pulled out of the parking lot with a little more speed than was probably wise, freaking out as I hydroplaned for a few feet before regaining control. 

“Jesus, Em, we just escaped death, try not to kill us now, will ya?” Spencer bit out after hitting her forehead against the window when the car swerved a bit as we hydroplaned. 

I shot a glare in her direction, not really wanting to take my eyes off the road, but too absurdly annoyed not to. Although I was concerned about her and convinced she had a concussion, that did not mean I wasn’t upset with her. She had been snippy since lunch, and I was sick of her taking whatever it was that was bothering her out on me. 

“You know, I would reply to that insult, among the myriad you’ve paid me today, but apparently I’m mute,” I replied harshly after slowing down considerably and turning the windshield wipers up to full speed. 

Spencer may have pissed me off, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have a point. I did not have a death wish. 

My best friend sighed deeply before placing a hand on my thigh and squeezing slightly. I assume it was meant as a means of silent apology, but it still made me jump awkwardly in my seat, not at all expecting the sudden contact. 

“Listen, I’m really sorry, Em. I know I’ve been an ass today, and it has nothing to do with you. Well, not nothing because you were there… But that doesn’t matter, you did nothing to deserve my being such a bitch today, and I truly am sorry, especially for snapping at you at the stables. I think I just really wanted to make up for earlier, and I thought bringing back some answers might be a good place to start,” she offered sadly, huffing as she leaned back in her seat heavily, looking utterly defeated. 

“What do you mean, make up for earlier? You mean how we handled everything with Hanna?” I asked, suddenly not upset with her anymore. 

How we had reacted to Hanna’s confession in the choir room earlier that day had been eating away at me all day, too. I couldn’t believe we had blamed her. Even if she had been drinking, that didn’t change the fact that Zack had made her feel uncomfortable, and that was not something we should have turned our backs on. Hanna deserved more from two people that she relied on and trusted most in her life. 

Knowing Spencer felt the same made me sympathize with her mood, and I reached down to squeeze the hand she had lain on my thigh with one of my own, quickly retaking the wheel as soon as I had because I didn’t want to die. 

“Yeah… how could we have said all that shit to her? Seriously, it doesn’t matter if she was so wasted she couldn’t remember her own name, Zack made her feel unsafe, and we should have done something to give her that sense of security back, not accuse her of being an attention-seeking lush. Jesus, Em, we screwed up really bad,” she moaned, smacking her head against the back of her seat repeatedly, forcefully. 

Reaching out blindly, my eyes never leaving the road, I grasped the back of Spencer’s head, forcing her to stop trying to hurt herself. She sucked in a deep breath upon stopping, and I could tell she was on the verge of a breakdown. Spencer had neglected to stand up for and protect someone that she loved, and I knew that it was destroying her inside. I knew she hated herself for it, just like I hated myself in that moment. We should have done better, for Hanna. 

“You’re right, Spence. We really, really fucked up. But hating ourselves isn’t going to help Hanna,” I pointed out softly, moving my hand from the back of her head to stroke her cheek, trying to calm her as best I could while still maneuvering through the rain-soaked streets. 

She nodded before turning her face just a bit and kissing my palm. 

My arm erupted with goosebumps. I pulled it away slowly, replacing it on the steering wheel as inconspicuously as I could. I had no idea what was going on with me, and I didn’t want Spencer asking me questions I couldn’t answer. 

“No, yeah, that’s very true. We need to do something to try and make up for this… Caleb and I were pretty tight before he left for Ravenswood, so I’ll try to capitalize on that and talk to him as soon as I can, maybe he’ll have some kind of idea on how we can help Han. You think you’d be okay just trying to get her to hang out, so we could at least keep a better eye on her? If there’s anyone she’s likely to open up to, it’ll be you, Em. She may not tell you what’s going on with her right away, but at least she’ll know you’re there if she ever wants to…” Spence proposed, making me smile sadly. 

I would never get over just how much Spencer cared about all of us. She was truly amazing. 

“Of course not, but I don’t know how likely she is to want to spend time with me after today… An apology is nowhere near enough to make up for this, and I’m really scared that she’s not going to want anything to do with either of us,” I admitted, feeling a tear roll slowly down my cheek and just letting it stay there, a symbol of my failure as Hanna’s friend. 

Spencer reached out to wipe the tear away for me, and, without thinking about it, I leaned my face into her hand. I needed her. 

“There isn’t a person is this world that could resist forgiving you. It’s impossible not to love you, Em, to not want to be around you. Hanna isn’t immune to that power of yours; you just need to show her you’re there. It may take a while for her to forgive, but she won’t be able to shut you out,” she explained softly, staring at me as I kept my eyes straight ahead. 

There was something in her voice that I couldn’t identify, but her words gave me goosebumps once more, even if I wasn’t sure I agreed with her. 

Ali had resisted; A certainly didn’t love me; Maya had shut me out. 

“I hope you’re right about Hanna, Spence. But plenty of people have resisted me, have shut me out. You’re just biased,” I contended, my voice shaking a little as her hand returned to my thigh once more, offering me her support while simultaneously driving me to distraction. 

My heart was pounding so quickly I felt like it was going to fly out of my chest. I needed to pull myself out of the situation as soon as possible, or my driving was going to be even more erratic than it already was. Moving one of my own hands, I grasped hers, leaving our connected hands lying on my thigh, but significantly calmer without her gripping my leg so tightly. 

“Maybe I am, but I like to think that I know you pretty damn well,” Spencer argued right back, grinning as she gripped my hand firmly and stroked the back of it with her thumb. My heart started pounding again. “And if you’re referring to Ali, she’s never been able to resist you. She pretended she could for a long time out of fear, but she can’t even do that anymore.”

We had finally reached the highway, and I tried my best to relax a little knowing I wasn’t going to drive us off a mountain. Still, I was freaking out about where our conversation could lead, and I knew I wasn’t ready to go there. I needed to turn the topic somehow, but it had to seem as natural as possible. Spencer was way too intelligent to accept a random topic change without question, and I really didn’t think I was capable of standing up to a Nancy Drew interrogation in that moment. 

“She refuses to talk to me about what happened between us. Every time I try to bring it up she completely shuts down on me. I understand that this must be difficult for her, especially with everything going on, but it’s not like it’s a walk in the park for me either,” I explained, knowing Spencer would bite into the topic immediately, and hoping she would stay on it long enough for me to find an exit with a drug store of some kind. 

“Ali is literally afraid of everything right now,” my best friend started, her tone not overly friendly at all, making me wonder if something had happened between the two of them recently that she hadn’t told me about. “And honestly, I don’t know that that is going to change anytime soon. I know how you feel about her, and I don’t want to tell you how to move forward with all of this, but I also don’t know that she’s capable of giving you what you want from her right now. Don’t interpret that as her not having feelings for you, though, because I know for a fact that she cares about you as more than a friend. Whether that means you should continue pursuing something with her on those grounds alone, it’s not my place to say, but I think you should have all the facts if you’re planning on making any decisions.”

She had been staring out the passenger window the whole time she spoke. Her thumb had halted its movements on the back of my hand. Something about our conversation was really bothering her, I could tell from how rigid her body was in her seat. I was about to ask her what it was, which probably would have taken us into dangerous territory, but she interrupted me before I could make that mistake. 

“Em, where are we going?” She inquired as I pulled off the exit and turned right, seeing the bright lights of the drug store sign just a bit further down the street. 

“We need to get some ice for your eye, Spencer. We still have at least half an hour before we get back to Rosewood and the entire side of your face is swollen,” I pointed out, pulling into a spot in the parking lot and turning off the engine before I shifted to look at her. “I can’t believe you got kicked in the face… Jesus, Spencer, it looks really painful. We should get you some painkillers while we’re in there.”

My hand reached out of its own volition, stroking her cheek once more before lightly outlining the bruise that was beginning to show around her eye. Spencer reached up and covered my hand with her own, leaning into my touch as she stared me directly in the eye. My heart was pounding hard again, and I wanted to stay there forever, just as we were in that moment. And that terrified me beyond belief. 

“Come on, let’s get you an ice pack.”

I practically jumped out of the car; I had to get away from my feelings, as fast as I could. 

Spencer got out more slowly, but she caught up with me as I walked through the door into the store, threading her arm through my own. It was as though she couldn’t bear being separated from me for too long, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that beyond the butterflies it gave me. My anxiety levels decreased significantly though because we were no longer alone in the confines of my best friend’s car. I could escape if I needed to. 

We moved around the store quickly, getting Spencer a cold pack and some aspirin before wandering over to the refrigerated section to pick up a couple of iced coffees and some snacks for the drive back. Spence only removed her arm from mine when she insisted upon paying for everything. The cashier gave my best friend an odd look, catching sight of her black eye, and I instinctively moved closer to my friend, hating the idea of someone judging her. 

Spencer noticed my movement and grasped my hand in thanks before picking up our bags and walking out with me close on her heels. She slid slowly into the passenger seat, looking a little stiff, and I worried that her eye wasn’t the only thing bothering her. I was suddenly intensely grateful I had been able to catch her in the barn because things could have been a lot worse if she had fallen and hit her head as well. Still, I was worried as it was, and I wanted to help her somehow. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the emergency room, or maybe a walk-in clinic?” I asked as I slid into the driver’s seat and started the car once more, ready to do whatever she felt she needed. 

“Yeah, I’m okay, Em. It’s throbbing, but it’s nowhere near as bad as when I hit my head in Ravenswood, so I know I’ll be fine. If it makes you feel better though, I’ll text Toby and have him come over. He can keep an eye on me,” she offered, smiling at me as I pulled out of the parking lot and got us back on the highway. 

Nodding, I stopped myself from replying because I suddenly hated the idea of Toby taking care of Spencer. That was supposed to be me; I was the one who was supposed to remind her to keep the ice on her eye for fifteen minutes at a time and that she could take some more aspirin after four hours. I wanted to have that responsibility, and I was jealous of Toby, which just made me question myself even more than before. 

“He enrolled at the police academy, Toby I mean,” she blurted out after we had been silent for a while, obviously not all that happy about her boyfriend’s decision. 

I gathered myself before responding, not wanting to give myself away, but also not wanting to step on her toes. As jealous as I was of Toby at the time, he was still one of my best friends, and I was happy that he was trying to do something with his life, even if it was the last thing I had expected. 

“Really? Good for him. It’s not really a path I would have ever expected him to choose, what with his dicey past with the shitty Rosewood cops, but if it’s what he wants to do, then I’m proud of him for taking a step in the right direction. We both know he’s too smart to keep taking these part-time gigs…”

Spencer cracker her ice pack, having just taken her aspirin, and practically punched herself in the face with it in her frustration. Obviously she was not very happy with my response, and that made me wonder what exactly it was about Toby wanting to be a police officer that bothered her so much. 

“Of course he’s capable of doing much more than what he’s doing right now, but a cop? You know Toby’s history, Em. Can you actually see him being happy as a police officer? The only reason he’s even doing this is so he can protect me, all of us, from the inside. He’s not joining up for himself, because it will be fulfilling for him, he’s doing it because he feels powerless to stop A otherwise.”

My best friend curled up in her seat, wrapping her arms around her legs as though wanting to protect herself, and I knew exactly what it was that was bothering her about the whole situation. It had nothing to do with Toby becoming a police officer. 

“He didn’t talk to you about it beforehand, did he?” I asked gently, glancing over to see Spencer staring avidly as her own knees. She didn’t answer, but I knew I had guessed correctly. “So you’re not actually upset that he enrolled at the police academy, you’re probably even proud of him like I am. You’re upset because he’s made a decision about protecting you without involving you, again, and it’s reminding you of what led to Radley. And I think you’re frustrated that he doesn’t even realize that, but you also don’t want to expose that vulnerability to him because you’re afraid you’ll get hurt again.”

Spencer hummed quietly and I reached out to grasp her hand, wanting to let her know I understood what she was going through. 

“Sometimes I worry that you know me a little too well,” she laughed joylessly, squeezing my hand in return to let me know she wasn’t upset about my comment. “You’re right, of course, but I’m not sure I can tell him that… Does that make me a terrible person? A coward?”

“You are one of the bravest people I have ever met, Spencer. Not telling Toby how you feel about how he handled this doesn’t change that, and it doesn’t make you a terrible person. But what I would ask myself, if I were you, is why you’re so afraid of being hurt again? And whether the two of you need to address that in order to progress in your relationship? Just like I need to with Ali,” I explained hesitantly, not sure how she would respond to such advice; not even sure if I should have been giving it in the first place. 

My unfounded and rather perplexing jealousy made me wonder if my judgment was sound. 

“Definitely something worth thinking about,” she agreed after mulling over my words for a couple of minutes, her eyes unfocused as she continued to think deeply about what I had said. 

I tried to pull my hand away, assuming she might want space to think, but she refused to let me go. So I drove with one hand all the way back to Rosewood in the pouring rain. A silence settled over us, not an awkward one, but it wasn’t especially comfortable either. Restless was probably the best word I could think of to describe it. 

Spencer just continued staring out the window, her thumb resuming its movements across the back of my hand. 

When we finally arrived at Spencer’s house, I pulled into the driveway but moved slowly once I had put the car in park. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to get out of the car and walk home. I wanted to walk Spence inside, sit her on the couch, make her comfortable, and maybe scoop her a bowl of ice cream to make her feel better. I wanted to cuddle with her on the couch until she fell asleep in my arms watching House Hunters and tuck her in before leaving, though I didn’t really even want to leave then…

“Em?” Spencer questioned softly, reaching out to touch my arm and forcing my gaze from the steering wheel in front of me. She sounded concerned. 

I needed to get out of there as soon as possible. 

“Sorry, spaced out for a second,” I apologized, feigning a smile as I took off my seatbelt and opened the car door. “Is Toby on his way over?”

“Yeah, he should be here in a few minutes,” she replied as we hurried to the front door, wanting to get out of the rain as soon as possible. “Do you want to stay here tonight? It’s getting kind of late, and I don’t want you to have to walk home in this storm by yourself…”

We were finally inside, and I realized immediately that I wanted to be back outside. There was an anonymity in the rain that I craved, a sense of cleansing that I needed after such a long, confusing day. Plus, I knew I couldn’t stay, not with the thoughts I was having about Spencer addling my brain, and especially not with Toby headed over that very minute. 

“No, it’s okay, my mom isn’t going to be happy if I’m not home at least a little bit this week, and I could use a walk in the rain anyway. I’ll be careful, I promise,” I contended, offering Spencer a smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes. “Are you going to be okay here alone until Toby shows up?”

“Of course, he’ll be here soon,” she responded, plopping down on her couch with a sigh and not looking at all happy about the idea of me leaving. “Are you sure though, Em? I’m positive that your mom wouldn’t mind you staying given the circumstances…”

Her adorable puppy dog eyes almost swayed me, but I held strong. 

“I’m sure, thank you though, and don’t worry about me. Just take care of that eye of yours, I’ll come over in the morning and help you put some concealer on the bruise before school. We really don’t need anyone asking questions; I’m not sure they would believe that you just randomly got kicked in the face by a horse.”

I pulled her up from where she had sprawled out on the couch, and she followed me dutifully to the front door.

“Be safe, Em, I love you,” she stated quietly as she pulled me into her arms, holding me tightly for a little longer than usual.

“I will. I love you too, Spence. See you in the morning.”

With that, I pulled away and practically ran out the door after placing a light kiss on her cheek, something I had maybe done once in the past. It took a couple of minutes for the door to shut behind me, and I could only assume that my impulsive move had stunned Spencer enough to leave her standing in shock on her doorstep. I prayed that it wouldn’t make things awkward with us in future. 

Walking quickly down the Hastings’ front walk, I only slowed when I made it to the street, preferring the open space to the cramped sidewalk. I had a lot to think about, and I definitely did not see that as a positive. Dealing with the feelings I still struggled with for Ali was difficult enough without adding Spencer to the chaos my heart had created. Unfortunately, the rain couldn’t wash away my feelings as I had hoped. It just made me feel even more confused. It made me feel lonely and guilty and giddy all at the same time. 

My heart was bursting with a thousand emotions, and I could barely name ten of them. 

Not for the first time, I cursed the depth with which I felt. It only ever complicated things. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or story lines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	9. Don’t Let Them Fester

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set during Spencer and Emily’s drive back from the eye doctor. It is from Spencer’s POV.

Emily and I marched out of the eye doctor’s like we were on a mission, determined to demand answers from the air around us since no living beings seemed very keen on providing us with them. I was so incensed, so anxious and upset about everything that had happened with Jenna, that I headed straight for my car without even thinking about it. Em followed me at first, obviously still caught up in what had happened, but soon realized what direction we were moving in and pulled up short. 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going, Spencer?” She inquired forcefully, snatching my keys out of my hand so quickly that I didn’t even have time to react. 

“I’m going to my car. We need to get answers. Whatever just happened in there was really fucking weird, and I want to know why that had become the norm in our lives. We need to find Ali, and we need to interrogate her about why all of this started happening in the first place, and why she’s working with freaking Noel Kahn, and who the hell is after us and trying so fucking hard to scare the living shit out of us and ruin our lives,” I practically yelled, so done with all of the A bullshit that it wasn’t even funny. 

Standing in that doctor’s office, feeling threatened by Jenna and her minion but completely unable to see and therefore entirely incapable of protecting Emily, had been absolutely excruciating to experience. It was unacceptable, and I was not going to stand for it. 

“You are an idiot, Spence,” Em stated with exasperation, smacking me lightly upside the head. “You just had your eyes dilated, you can’t see shit, you are absolutely not driving anywhere right now, dumbass.”

I was momentarily perplexed. I had not thought about that. 

“But I drove my car here…” I started, unable to continue when I realized I really had no good reason for doing what I had planned to do. 

“So what? We’ll come back and get it later, or tomorrow or something. Toby will help me figure it out if you don’t want to leave it here overnight,” she stated quickly, making me feel weirdly guilty when she mentioned my boyfriend. “I am going to drive you home. We are not going to Ali’s. You are not going to yell at her until you get your answers. We will figure something else out, Spencer, but tearing each other apart is not part of the equation.”

“She’s been lying to us, Em, ever since she got back. Aren’t you tired of being one step behind all the time? I mean, I know how you feel about her, but does that really change anything about the fact that she is hiding everything from us?” I huffed, knowing I was not going to get the answer I wanted, but trying anyway. 

Em was never going to turn her back on Ali, and I needed to accept that at some point. It just hurt to think that I ranked so far below our other friend in my best friend’s priorities. She was the most important person in the world to me, even more so than Toby and my parents, but I knew that wasn’t the case for her, and I was going to have to accept that sooner rather than later. 

I started walking in the general direction I thought her car might be in, still largely unable to see but not really caring because I didn’t actually want to see her reaction to my questions. 

“My car is this way, Spencer,” she pointed out, looping her arm through one of my own and turning me more to the right. I just kept moving forward as she spoke. “I know that she’s still lying to us, and believe me, I hate that she’s hiding things from us still. But I also know that she’s scared, terrified actually, and that can make people do really stupid things. I’m not excusing her actions, Spence, but I am trying to understand where she’s coming from. We need to stick together in this, support each other, or A is going to tear us apart one by one.”

Emily maneuvered me to the passenger side of the car and helped me get in, placing a hand over my forehead to keep me from knocking it against the frame, and then moved around the hood to get in herself. I was trying to calm myself down so I didn’t say something bitchy in response to her words, but as soon as my best friend turned the key in the ignition, bitchiness just sprung from my mouth without any conscious decision on behalf of my brain. 

“Friends are supposed to stick together, Em, but Ali is not our friend. She’s our puppeteer; telling us exactly when to dance to this ridiculous story she has made up and never feeling that she has to give us an explanation why,” I bit out, annoyed and hurt and angry. 

It was true though. The four of us were puppets for Ali and A to play with; we were entirely subject to their will. Freedom did not exist for us, no matter how much we wanted it, and neither did safety. The only solution was for all four of us to work together to turn on our tormentors, but I knew that was never going to happen. Aria was too distracted by her mom and Ezra to even realize what Alison was up to, let alone do something about it. Hanna was just a mess, and I needed to talk to her about that since talking to Caleb had been such a bust. And Emily was in love with one of the very people torturing us. 

We had no hope of escape. 

“Ali has always been the puppeteer,” Emily agreed, shocking me so much my eyes must have widened to three times their usual size. “Just because I have feelings for her doesn’t mean that I can’t see it when she manipulates us. Why do you think I stole those keys out of Noel’s locker and broke into his car? If I were blind to Ali’s schemes I would have just pestered her about him and eventually accepted that it wasn’t safe for her to tell me anything. I’m not stupid, Spencer. I know what’s going on. But I also know that Ali doesn’t respond well to confrontation. Yelling at her and interrogating her is not going to get us any answers.”

I took a deep breath, thankful that she wasn’t blinded by Ali’s machinations but still not sure just how far I could push the topic. 

“So what do you suggest?”

If she was telling me interrogation was off the table, I needed another option. 

“We need to find our own answers. We need to follow people like Sydney and Jenna and Mona and interrogate them. We need to use Ezra’s cameras to monitor their every move. I don’t know, Spence, I just know that we need to try to go on the offensive because we’ve been on the defensive for years and it’s obviously not working for us,” she offered, clearly frustrated. 

I knew it was time to scale back a little. Em was too emotional, and I was certain that if I kept going I would provoke her into a fight, which was the last thing I wanted to do. 

“Okay, fine, we’ll talk to Hanna and Aria about stepping up our game, and I’ll hold off on questioning Ali for now, but not forever. If she does something like have Noel Kahn break into someone’s house again, all bets are off and Alison is fair game. Can we agree on that?” I suggested, feeling emotionally exhausted all of a sudden. 

Arguing with Emily had been so much more difficult for me lately. 

“Fine, agreed,” she stated shortly, setting her jaw and keeping her eyes staunchly forward. 

She was not happy about the deal, but she didn’t want to argue anymore either. 

Not knowing what else to say, we both just sat silently in the car after that, and I could only hope that we were heading back to my house because I still couldn’t see anything. I hated how far away Emily felt in that moment, how disconnected, and I was absolutely terrified that Ali was going to be responsible for tearing us apart forever. I wasn’t sure I could survive that. 

“No matter what happens with Alison and A and all of this bullshit, can you promise me something?” I asked timidly, not even sure she would agree to the promise I was about to ask her to make. 

“Anything, Spencer, you know that,” she agreed immediately, reaching out to take my hand as she drove. 

Taking a deep breath, I stared out the windshield, unable to meet her eye. 

“Promise me that you won’t leave me. Promise me that whatever happens in our lives, we will always be friends,” I begged pathetically, fighting back the tears in my eyes. 

Emily took a deep breath this time, and I got the terrible feeling she was about to deny me. 

“Spencer, listen to me,” she demanded, tightening her hold on my hand into a vice grip. “You need to understand that you are one of the most important people in the world to me. You are my best friend and I would do absolutely anything to keep you safe, to make you happy. The fact that I have feelings for Alison absolutely does not change any of that. I promise you right now that we will be in each other’s lives forever, and that nothing will separate us, Alison or no Alison. It’s you and me, Spence, always, just like you’re always promising me.”

The tears had escaped at some point during Emily’s speech, and they were streaming down my cheeks by the time she finished speaking. I had needed to hear those words more than anything in the world, and I squeezed my best friend’s hand in thanks since I was entirely incapable of speech. She squeezed right back, and we sat in a comfortable silence after that all the way back to my house. 

When we pulled up outside my house, Em put the car in park, obviously intending to stay for at least a few minutes, which made me absurdly happy. Turning towards her in my seat, I was about to speak when my cell phone pinged rather ominously. Emily and I both jumped at the sound we had come to associate with terrible and unanticipated events of all kinds. 

Looking at the screen, I grimaced when I realized who the message was from. 

“What is it, Spence? Is it from A again? Did they not have enough fun at our expense dressed up as twins and screwing with shit at the eye doctor’s?” Emily demanded almost harshly, probably hoping that the anger would hide the fear in her voice. 

It didn’t. 

Glancing at my phone once more, I quickly shook my head and stuffed it back in my pocket, knowing I could never answer it while Emily was around. The message wasn’t from A, but the real source honestly was not all that much better. 

“No worries, Em, it’s nothing like that. It was just my mom asking where I am. She wants us to get ready for the engagement party together, even though she hasn’t even decided if she wants to go yet. Still, I should go inside and at least spend some time with her, she’s been really down lately and I think she could use this night out of the house,” I lied, couching the big lie in a bunch of small truths so Emily would be less suspicious. “Do you want to come in and hang out for a while before you go home to get ready? You know my mom wouldn’t mind…”

In all honesty, I was just asking to be polite. After receiving that text message, the last thing I wanted in the world was for Emily to be around when I answered it. Only bad things could come out of that situation, and I was trying to avoid the bad things, at least for a little while. 

“No, it’s okay, thank you though, Spence,” Em declined, squeezing my hand yet again. “You go spend time with your mom and don’t forget about the pictures. Just don’t be late for Aria’s mom’s party and everything should be fine. Call me later if you need any help.”

I agreed that I would do as she asked, and hugged her tightly before exiting the car. Everything was still a little blurry, but my sight was much better than it had been at the doctor’s office earlier. Thankfully, that meant I could see enough to get inside my house and up to my room with very few incidents, and I pulled my phone out at soon as I shut my bedroom door behind me. 

Squinting at the screen so I see, I read the message again.

**From: Alison DiLaurentis**

_Hanging out one-on-one with Emily today, Spencer?_

_Why the sad face? Did you finally stop being a coward and get rejected?_

My arm was cocked back, ready to launch my phone across the room as soon as I finished reading the message again, but thankfully I had the self-control to stave off the desire. 

Instead, I sat down on my bed to think. Ali must have been at her house if she had seen Emily dropping me off, which meant she wasn’t as afraid of being home alone as she was always claiming. It also meant she had reached a whole new level of creepy, and I had to come up with a way to respond to her. 

Trying to fight fire with fire when it came to Ali was the worst idea anyone ever had. She was stubborn as all hell and more persistent than anyone else I had ever met in my life. It was annoying as hell, because when she found something to chew on she never let it go, at least not until she had destroyed it beyond repair. I had no doubt that’s what she was trying to do with my feelings for Emily. 

Knowing I couldn’t just leave the message unanswered, I decided to reply.

**From: Me**

_No, I realized the message was from you._

_That wasn’t sadness on my face; it was nausea at the idea of talking to you about this._

_So thanks very much for ruining my day._

It was harsh, harsher than anything I had ever sent one of my friends in the past, and it was certainly the fire I had intended to steer clear from. Ali was no longer a friend though. Like I had told Emily, she was just a manipulative bitch who was trying to use us for her own purposes. I needed to stay strong in dealing with her, because there was no doubt in my mind that she would take advantage of any kindness I showed her, and then use it against me. 

I may have promised Emily no interrogation, but I had not made any promises about being nice. 

My phone pinged again and I picked it up, rolling my eyes all the while.

**From: Alison DiLaurentis**

_No need to get testy, Spencer. I was just being a concerned friend._

_Am I correct in assuming all this hostility is because you haven’t owned up to your feelings for our Ms. Fields?_

_Still a coward, Spencer?_

Immediately after reading the message, my instinct was to punch the wall, but I held myself back. It was very obvious to me that my fist would have gone straight through the drywall if I hit it with a closed fist, and I did not want to have to do any explaining to my mom in the aftermath. So I contained myself, settling for replying to Alison’s text in a very unfriendly, rather scathing manner.

**From: Me**

_Just like I told you before, Alison, my feelings for Emily are none of your business, and you really need to stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong._

_And newsflash, if I’m a coward then so are you._

_Talked to Emily lately about that kiss you two shared? Or are you even capable of having feelings for a human being that isn’t you?_

There was no reply.

I waited for ten minutes to hear that ping of my phone, but it didn’t come. Knowing I had managed to strike a nerve in the impenetrable walls of Alison DiLaurentis made me feel accomplished, and I couldn’t help the smirk that briefly took over my face. It was gone quickly though as I realized what my taking Alison’s bait and throwing it back in her face meant. 

The two of us were at war, and Emily was stuck in the middle.

I smacked myself in the face for my stupidity, and then slouched down onto my bed. Finally, the blurriness from getting my eyes dilated had almost abated, but in that moment it was replaced by a whole new set of tears. My impulsiveness and my pride had gotten the better of me once more, and I was ashamed of how I had acted. 

“Everything okay, Spencer?” A voice called out from the general direction of my door, and I looked up to see Melissa standing there looking at me. 

The blurriness of my vision kept me from seeing her facial expression, so I had no idea if she was being genuine or just being an asshole like usual. So I decided to play it cool.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, Melissa. I just stubbed my toe on the bedpost, and it hurt like hell. I still can’t see very well after having my eyes dilated,” I sniffled, wiping away my tears and sitting up straighter, trying to be convincing. 

“You’re usually a better liar than that, Spence,” my sister asserted, walking into my room a few feet and succeeding in making me a little nervous. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” I demanded, really tired of everyone calling out my numerous flaws that day. 

A girl can only handle so much in one day, especially when it comes to harsh truths. 

Melissa rolled her eyes. 

“I’m not ragging on you, Spencer. I just mean that the only time you don’t lie well is when whatever you’re dealing with has to do with matters of the heart. Did something happen with Toby? Are you two okay?” She inquired, her voice sounding completely genuine, which put me on edge more than anything else. 

“Toby and I are fine, Melissa, not that it’s any of your business,” I bit out, sick of all the questions and the prying. 

I just wanted to crawl under the covers and hide away forever. 

“If it’s not Toby, then who has your heart all tangled up in knots?” She probed gently, more gently than she ever had in the past. 

It made me think she knew more than she was telling me. 

No longer having the strength to fight back, I hung my head. 

“Just go away, Melissa. Please…” 

I was actually begging, and I didn’t even care. I had no desire to talk about Emily with my sister, especially since I didn’t trust her as far as I could throw her. 

“Okay, I will, but just know that everything is going to be okay, Spencer. And it’s okay to have feelings for someone other than Toby but don’t let them fester in secret for too long. Eventually, you’re going to have to make a decision about what brings you the most happiness and just do it. Your unhappiness isn’t going to solve anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or storylines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	10. Let Me Protect You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in three scenes from 5x10: one is set right after Spencer and Emily meet in Em’s room and talk about the pictures, the second is set after Spencer’s talk with Melissa, and the third is set during and after the ending scene with the girls in Hanna’s kitchen. It is from Emily’s POV.

I felt bad bringing up Melissa in such a harsh manner, I knew how Spencer was struggling with the idea that her older sister might be actively working against her, but it was the only ammunition I had to fight against my best friend’s accusations of Ali. It was getting more and more difficult to communicate with both of them. Alison kept lying, kept hiding things, kept lashing out, especially at Spencer. All the while, Spencer was on the most potent anti-Ali crusade I had ever seen, and although I understood that she was upset, I just could not understand the toxicity of her venom toward our friend. 

Something had to have happened between them to make Spencer so adamant that we couldn’t trust Ali, but I could not for the life of me imagine what it was that made her so incredibly angry, and I needed to give Alison the benefit of the doubt. After everything she told me about Cyrus, I felt I had to stand by her and show her she was not alone. 

“Fine, I know, I’ll talk to Melissa, okay?” Spencer bit out, looking absolutely terrified at the prospect of confronting her older sister. 

I couldn’t blame her for being frightened, but I was relieved she had agreed to do it regardless. 

“Thank you, Spence,” I offered sincerely, reaching out to take her hands in my own as I tried my best to catch her eye from the staring contest she was having with my carpet. “Do you want me to come with you, just in case? Melissa kind of scares me, to be honest, so if you feel like you need backup…”

My voice caught in my throat when she grinned and shook her head. She was so beautiful. I had to look away from her so that I could recompose myself, but she beat me to the punch by responding. 

“That’s okay, Em,” she declined gently, squeezing my hands in return and trying to catch my eye as I had hers. “I don’t want to put you in the middle of our sibling drama; you don’t need to deal with our bullshit on top of everything else. Thank you for the offer though, I really do appreciate it.”

Still not quite able to look at her, I kept my eyes on the ground, resorting to a brief nod to acknowledge her thanks. 

Spencer took a deep breath when I didn’t reply and then began to speak again. 

“What if she doesn’t do it, Em?” She asked, ducking her head, her voice hesitant and timid. 

Thinking she was still talking about Melissa, I was very confused. 

“What if who doesn’t do what?” I returned, honestly unsure of what she was talking about. 

My best friend looked up at me then, and for the first time in our friendship, I was entirely incapable of deciphering what lay behind those soulful eyes. There was a myriad of emotions there, staring back at me, but there was only one that I could name with any degree of certainty:

Vulnerability.

“What if Ali doesn’t set Cyrus free?” She finally inquired after a long, excruciating moment of silence. 

Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, she looked nervous, almost as if she was expecting me to explode at her at any moment. Not wanting to do that, I had to take a minute to collect myself. That was the one question I had been praying my best friend would not ask, because I truly did not want to think about the answer. I knew exactly where such a betrayal by Ali would lead, and I was far from ready to accept that as a possible eventuality. 

“I can’t think about that, Spencer. I’m sorry, I’m just not ready to go there,” I apologized, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them, trying to protect myself from the onslaught of fear and devastation I was experiencing at just the mention of such a thing happening. 

Hesitating for just a moment, Spencer moved to sit behind me, pulling my whole body into her own. She hugged me tightly to her, placing her head on my shoulder and letting out a breath slowly. I was afraid I was about to start crying yet again. 

“I know how you feel about her, Em. Believe me, I know that you have convinced yourself that she can do no wrong because in your eyes even her flaws are beautiful. I know how it feels to look at someone and realize that they hold your heart in their hands, and not be able to think about how real the possibility is that they could crush it. But you need to think about it, because we are all in danger right now, not just Ali, and not just your heart. You know that I want nothing more than to protect you from any and all pain in this world, but this time I can’t protect you. Your heart would be safe with me, Em, but I’m not sure it’s safe with Ali, and I need you to be able to protect yourself if that ends up being the case,” Spencer whispered, sounding as though she were on the verge of tears as well. 

My heart was breaking and beating at a million miles a minute at the same time, and I had to take a deep breath to keep myself from getting overwhelmed by all the emotions coursing through me. I hugged my knees tighter to my chest. 

Spencer was right. I needed to think about what I was going to do if Ali went back on her word, if she betrayed my trust, no matter how painful such an analysis was sure to be. Placing my forehead on my knees, I started to think about it, leaning further back into Spencer in my search for support and comfort. My best friend just continued to hold me, nuzzling into my neck as she awaited my answer. 

Finally, after a few long minutes of deliberation, I realized I had known the answer all along. I just didn’t want to say it out loud. 

Because I hated it. 

“Then we know for certain that Ali can’t be trusted,” I whispered brokenly, letting the tears escape their prison at the thought of what that would mean for all of us. 

Spencer didn’t respond. She just held me tightly as I cried, whispering reassuring words that I didn’t even hear through my anguish. The thought of losing Ali again was so painful I was having trouble breathing as I thought about it. Losing her to death once was painful enough, but losing her to betrayal would be even worse. I wasn’t sure I could handle it, and that just made me cry even harder than before. 

Suddenly, another terrifying thought popped into my head, and somehow it was even more gut-wrenchingly awful than the thought of losing Ali again. In that moment, I realized that there was a very real possibility that I could lose Spencer because of Ali. Violent sobs took hold of my body as soon as the thought entered my brain, and I clung to my best friend with all of my might. 

I couldn’t lose her; I wouldn’t survive that.

\-- Spemily --

Spencer had gone home to talk to Melissa once I had calmed down, but she had done so reluctantly, and when I got a call from her only an hour or so later I couldn’t help but smile. I assumed that she was calling to check on me, and that made my heart skip in a way that it definitely should not have. Spencer was my best friend, that was all, and I refused to allow myself to entertain the idea that it could ever be more than that between us. 

“Hey, Spence, what’s up?” I answered, sitting on my bed where I had been staring at a textbook for the last hour, hoping to learn what I needed for my quiz the next day through osmosis since I couldn’t focus for the life of me. 

“Hey, Em, uh,” my best friend sniffed into the phone, immediately putting me on high alert. “Do you think you could come over? I could really use someone to talk to right now…”

She sounded absolutely broken, and I was concerned. If Melissa had done something, I swore to myself that I would not let her get away with it. No one would get away with hurting Spencer if I had any say in the matter.

“Of course, Spencer, what’s going on?” I asked gently, already pulling my jacket back on before grabbing my purse and heading down the stairs. 

“I’ll tell you when you get here,” she stated, hanging up before I had a chance to ask any more questions. 

That just made me all the more worried. 

Jogging down the stairs, I stopped to tell my mom where I was going before exiting the house. I made my way as swiftly across the street as I could without running, intent on getting to Spencer as soon as I possibly could. She needed me, and I was determined to be there for her. 

Walking around the side of the house, I did my best to hide in the shadows as I made my way to the kitchen door, wanting to hide from Melissa, whom I assumed was in the barn. Unfortunately, my best was not good enough. 

“Emily!” The eldest Hastings sister called, suddenly popping up only a few feet away from me and scaring the ever-living shit out of me. 

I jumped about three feet in the air. 

“Jesus, Melissa,” I exclaimed, my hand grasping at my chest as I tried not to hyperventilate. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she offered genuinely, holding her hands up in surrender before moving a little closer to me. 

I had to force myself not to shy away from her. 

“What do you want, Melissa?” I demanded, remembering how distraught Spencer had sounded over the phone and having no doubt that the woman in front of me had something to do with the state my best friend was in. 

“I just…” Melissa started, her eyes red, almost as if she had been crying. “You’re the only one of Spencer’s friends that I actually trust and that I know cares about Spencer probably as much as I do. I have to leave soon, I don’t have a choice, but I don’t want to leave her unprotected. Will you promise me that you will look after her while I’m gone? She listens to you, Emily, and she respects you… Just, please, watch out for her?”

She was begging by the end of her speech, and I was flabbergasted. I had not even known the Hastings were capable of begging, and I was thoroughly surprised by Melissa’s words. Yes, Spencer and I had been best friends for years, but Melissa and I did not know each other very well, so I had no idea why she felt I was trustworthy or capable of taking care of Spencer. 

“Spencer doesn’t listen to anyone, Melissa,” I contended, changing tactics when she cocked her head and stared at me pleadingly. “I would never let anything happen to Spencer. She’s my best friend, and I care about her more than almost anyone else in this world. You don’t have to worry, Melissa, even when you’re here I do everything in my power to keep Spence safe. I always will.”

Melissa just stared at me for a moment, looking as though she knew something that I did not. 

I would not have been at all surprised to find that she did. 

“Okay, thank you, Emily. I know you two will take care of each other. Be safe,” she acknowledged, smiling at me before she started to turn away, leaving me with one last statement before she disappeared into the night. “Alison really isn’t worth your time, Emily. She’s going to hurt you, she hurts everyone around her, and you don’t deserve to be in her firing line. Spencer would never hurt you, not in a million years, I just hope you remember that in the days to come.”

With that she was gone, disappearing into the darkness as quickly as she had come. 

I just stood staring, trying to figure out what her words had meant before I remembered that Spencer was waiting for me upstairs. I entered the house and passed through the kitchen before heading up the stairs. Not wanting to startle my best friend, I walked a little more loudly up the stairs than usual and knocked on her bedroom door before walking in. 

“Spencer?” I called out as I walked through the door, immediately moving in her direction when I saw she was seated by the window. “Sorry it took me so long, Melissa ambushed me outside right as I was getting here. What the hell happened between you two? She didn’t seem at all like herself…”

My best friend finally turned to look at me, and I saw that there were tears in her eyes for the second time that day. Reacting immediately, I moved to sit next to her, wrapping my arms around her as securely as I could. 

All of a sudden, I was afraid of her answer. 

“I talked to her,” Spence began, taking a deep breath and licking her lips before continuing. “She said she wants to tell me everything, but that she has to leave because it’s not safe for her here. She wants me to leave with her so she can protect me.”

She stopped speaking, but I knew she wasn’t done. For the first time in her life outside of what had lead to Radley, Spencer was so overwhelmed that she actually needed time to think through what was happening. I just held her more tightly, content to give her whatever time she needed, knowing she had done the same for me countless times in the past. 

“It’s terrible, Em, but I really want to go with her. If I did, I could get away from A and Ali and all of this bullshit, but…”

Again, she stopped, and as hard as it was, I took that opportunity to cut in. 

“If that’s what you need, Spencer, and you have the chance to do it, then you should. I’ll miss you like crazy, but all I want is for you to be safe and happy, so I say go for it.”

I was dying inside at the thought of Spencer leaving me, but her safety was infinitely more important to me than the heart I could feel breaking inside my chest. 

“No,” Spencer practically yelled, staring at me as though I had lost my mind. “There is no chance in hell that I’m leaving you to deal with this mess without me. That’s what I told Melissa. I could never leave you… and Hanna and Aria to fend for yourselves while all of this shit is hitting the fan. I could never do that to you, Em; I could never leave you unprotected. I don’t know that I could ever leave you, period.”

She clung to me then, and I was perversely comforted by her words. Logically, I wanted her to leave so that she would be safe, but emotionally I knew that I would never survive her leaving. I wanted to try and explain that to her, but I was interrupted by both of our phones buzzing before I could put the appropriate words together. 

Looking down at my phone, I opened the message hesitantly, hoping it wasn’t A.

**From: Hanna Marin**

_S.O.S. Ali ID’ed Cyrus. Need to meet._

My heart flew up into my throat and I felt like I was about to vomit. I could not believe it was actually happening. My worst-case scenario was actually coming true. 

I stared at my phone for about two minutes before abruptly standing up.

“I’m sorry, Spence, I have to go,” I apologized, already making my way to the door.

Spencer shot up as soon as the words escaped my mouth, immediately moving toward me. 

“Wait, Emily, I’ll come with you. I don’t want you to be by yourself right now,” she offered, moving to take my hand in one of her own as she tried to get me to stop moving. 

Though I squeezed her hand in return, wanting to thank her for the gesture, I quickly let it go and continued on my way. 

“Thank you, Spence, but this is something I need to do on my own.”

With that, I swiftly exited her room and made my way to Alison’s, grateful my best friend did not follow. I knew I was ready to explode with anger at any moment, and the last thing I wanted was for Spencer to get caught in the crossfire.

\-- Spemily --

Pulling up to Hanna’s, I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car right away. I was still burning with rage at Ali for betraying my trust like she had, and I was even angrier that I still managed to feel a twinge of sympathy for her when I saw the hurt flash through her big blue eyes. Spencer had been right, I had allowed Alison to pull me right back into her game, and she had almost succeeded in tearing the four of us apart. 

My eyes were completely open at that moment though, and I knew then more than ever that the four of us had to stick together no matter what happened. No matter what Ali put us through. Spencer, Hanna, Aria and I had made it through a lot just by standing by each other, and I refused to let us fail just because Ali was back to manipulating us the same way she had before she abandoned us to A. The girls were too important in my life for me to allow anything to happen to them. 

Taking a deep breath, I got out of the car, waving to Caleb as he left before walking around the back of Hanna’s house to the kitchen door. Not allowing myself to hesitate, I opened the door quickly and marched through, moving to close it behind me before interacting with the girls since I was still trying to gather my courage. 

“Em,” Spencer greeted while my back was still turned, concern coloring her voice. 

It was obvious that she wanted to continue, but Aria interrupted before she could. 

“Are you okay?” My friend asked, her tone indicating a level of anxiety that had become worryingly frequent with her since our return from New York. 

I glanced at Aria in an attempt to calm her nerves a little, but quickly returned my attention to Spencer. It seemed I always turned my attention to Spencer. 

“You were right, Spencer,” I capitulated, playing with the envelope in my hands nervously. “We can’t trust Alison, not after tonight.”

“Not you too,” Aria begged, sadness mingling with the anxiety in her voice. 

She was obviously not convinced by Spencer’s argument, and I could understand her hesitance, but we did not have time for it. Knowing she would only be comfortable enough to hear us out if she were given back some semblance of control, I placed the envelope in front of her, basically putting our fates in her hands. 

“Look, I know that this affects you more than the rest of us, okay? I know that. But I really hope you can get on board. We need to cut ties with Ali now. Tonight.”

It was the hardest thing I had ever had to say, but I was relieved to have it out as I looked pleadingly from one of my friends to the next. Aria looked back to Hanna and Spencer, who looked questioningly at each other before she moved to take a seat on one of the barstools. It was obvious that she needed some time to think. Hanna moved around to stand next to her, placing a hand lightly on her back in a show of support, while Spencer moved to my side to do the same. 

“Em, can we talk for a second?” My best friend asked quietly, nodding toward the foyer to indicate that she wanted to speak privately.

I just nodded, squeezing Aria’s shoulder before following Spencer out of the kitchen. 

“Listen, Em, I know this was my idea, but we don’t have to go through with it,” she offered in a whisper, her voice urgent and full of internal conflict as she stared at me earnestly. “Remember, I know how you feel about Alison, and I know what it’s like to feel for someone that strongly. If you’re doing this in the heat of the moment and it’s going to hurt you later, if you’re going to look back on this in the future and regret it, we don’t need to do it, especially right now. We can find another way. I’ll think of something else. I couldn’t stand it if I were the reason you were hurting.”

Spencer’s words were so beautiful and honest that they gave me goosebumps, but I was not going to allow that to sway me. I was already in pain, and I deserved to be for falling for Ali’s tricks all over again. So my getting hurt was not of concern to me. Instead, I was determined to keep my friends from being hurt as I had been. If I could keep them safe then all of my pain would have been worth it in the end. 

Somehow I had to make Spencer understand that. 

“I know that you’re worried about me, Spence, but I’m already hurting, and as much as you would like to believe differently, there’s nothing you can do about that right now,” I argued, cupping her face gently in both of my hands as I forced her to look in my eyes. “Right now, we have to focus on keeping each other safe from A and from Ali, and the only way I am going to feel better is if I can protect you three from experiencing the same pain that I am. So you need to let me do that, Spencer. You need to let me protect you.”

Placing my forehead against hers, I knew I needed the contact to calm me; I needed the comfort that only Spencer could give me. She sniffled, sounding like she might cry before she pulled me into a tight hug, and I embraced her just as fiercely in return. 

“Anything you need, Em. You know you can ask me for anything,” Spencer breathed, running a hand through my hair before burrowing into the crook of my neck, as had become her habit of late. 

We held each other for a long time, and I never wanted to let her go. 

The clearing of someone’s throat interrupted the moment, and I looked up to find Hanna smirking at us. There was a mischievous twinkle in her eye that I didn’t trust, and I suddenly found myself blushing furiously for no discernible reason. Pulling away from Spencer gently, I raised my eyebrow at Hanna, a trick I had definitely picked up from my best friend over the years. 

“We should probably talk through this plan if you two love birds are done whispering secrets to each other,” Hanna chuckled, that smirk still firmly in place and becoming more and more annoying with every second. 

“We’ll be there in a minute, Hanna,” Spencer offered a little shakily, still not looking at our friend. 

Hanna just shrugged before going back into the kitchen, and Spencer moved to look me straight in the eye once more. 

“You have to know that I would do anything for you, Em.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or storylines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	11. The Hole You Dug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in two scenes from 5x11: the first directly following that wonderful Spemily bit in The Brew, and the second after Spencer watches the video Melissa sent her for the second time. It is from Spencer’s POV.

“Hey now, I will play with my comfort food all I want, thank you very much,” Emily laughed, sticking her finger in the enormous mound of whipped cream that topped her drink and proceeding to put a dollop of the sugary substance directly on the tip of my nose. “And there is nothing you can do to stop me.”

The grin on her face was positively joyous, and I couldn’t help but marvel at how absolutely breathtaking her smile was when she forgot about her troubles for a moment. There was nothing I could do but grin right back and return the gesture by drawing a line of whipped cream across her cheek, incapable of escaping her contagious playfulness. Emily’s nose scrunched up adorably at the feeling of the sweet, sticky substance landing on her face. 

“Really?” I inquired with a chuckle. “Nothing?”

With that, I quickly set my drink down on the table in front of us and moved my hands to her sides, taking advantage of the fact that my best friend was insanely ticklish. Seeing my move toward her, she immediately tried to escape, moving toward the table enough to place her own drink there, but not nearly far enough to escape my reach. 

“Spencer, no, stop, oh god, you know how ticklish I am!” Emily giggled uncontrollably, squirming in her seat as she tried half-heartedly to get me to stop. 

Scooting towards me when I ignored her pleas, she started to tickle me in return, and I squirmed even more than she did as I tried to continue my assault. We must have looked like such losers, two teenage girls tickling each other in the middle of a coffee shop and giggling like children, but I couldn’t have cared less. Seeing Emily so carefree and light-hearted for the first time in a very, very long while was worth looking like the biggest idiot in the world. All I wanted was to keep her as happy as possible, no matter what it took. 

“Ok, ok, I give!” Emily practically squealed, that beautiful smile still spread across her face. “You win! I’ll stop playing with my food! Oh my god, my stomach hurts from laughing so much.”

Smiling back at her, I pulled my hands away, but I made no move to put any space between us. Em was practically sitting in my lap, but she made no move to distance herself either, she just sat there and continued to grin at me. It took a few minutes, but I eventually realized that I had been staring a little too long to be within the accepted bounds of friendship, and I immediately looked away, grabbing my drink as I felt a blush rise into my cheeks. 

“Glad we agree that I can get you to do just about anything,” I joked, wanting to normalize our interaction, but belatedly realizing the accidental double entendre that had laced my words. 

My blush deepened, and I continued to keep my eyes pointedly focused on my drink. 

Emily just chuckled, either not getting the second meaning or choosing not to mention it.

“You are such a Hastings sometimes. You just can’t refuse a challenge, can you?” She laughed lightly in return, poking me softly in the stomach before moving to pick up her drink as well. “I’ll beat you at something someday, just you wait, Ms. Hastings.”

I looked up to see Emily smiling genuinely at me, but there was a question in her eyes. My facial expression and body language probably confused her, especially given the levity we had just experienced, and I could tell she was concerned about me again, which made me feel incredibly guilty. Without even meaning to, I had managed to wipe to joy from her day. 

“You beat me in plenty of things, Em,” I offered sincerely, trying my best to smile at her. “I’m a hopeless swimmer, you know that, and I am absolutely terrible at video games, as you have seen many times. Not to mention, you are much kinder than I could ever hope to be, and you have actually managed to retain your sanity through this whole thing. Hell, I almost put a brick through a store window just a couple of hours ago…”

It was supposed to be a joke, but Emily’s face kept me from adding the intended chuckle. She looked deadly serious, and even more upset than before, making me want to smack myself. I just kept screwing up; maybe my sanity really was slipping. That would explain the feelings I was having for my best friend when I had always been decidedly straight and was in a committed relationship. 

“Spence,” she started, looking for all the world like she was about to give me a lecture. 

I had to stop her; I did not think I could handle another Emily pep talk, not when I felt myself slipping closer to her even without her kind words and comforting gestures. 

“Em, I’m sorry, I was just joking, but it’s probably too soon… Just, don’t worry, ok? I’m fine, I promise.”

My words flew out of my mouth in a torrent, and I knew immediately that they would not do their job. Emily’s look of concern only increased at my protests. I knew for certain that she was not about to let it go so easily. 

“Spencer, stop. I know you too well for you to be able to lie to me,” Em stated definitively, her expression turning to one of intense focus. She had that no-nonsense tone in her voice that she reserved for standing up for her friends, and I found it oddly endearing that she was using it on me, for me. “Just like I know you well enough to know that your coffee addiction has been in serious decline since you stopped taking the pills because the caffeine makes you jittery and reminds you too much of a time you would rather forget. So spill. What’s bothering you outside of what’s going on with A? I know there’s something, so you may as well just tell me. We need to stop keeping secrets from each other, or we won’t need Ali and A to tear us apart, we’ll manage that all on our own.”

My eyes widened almost comically when she mentioned my avoidance of caffeine. I had tried my best to hide that from everyone, not wanting them to know that the scare I had with addiction was still affecting me, but obviously I hadn’t been as discreet as I thought. Of course, if anyone could have figured it out, it would have been Emily, but I was still nervous about the possibility that Melissa or my mom or even A might have noticed. 

As surprised as I was, I refused to let my guard down too much. I knew I had to give Em something in response to her question, and it had to be something at least partially honest, but I couldn’t very well tell her the truth. There was no way I could tell her that I was terrified because I was beginning to have feelings for her, feelings she would never return, and that I hated being away from her but was in agony every time I was around her because I had no idea how to handle the situation. 

Yeah, the truth was definitely not an option. 

“It’s Toby,” I offered vaguely, not really sure how to continue. 

My stress definitely had something to do with my boyfriend, so I had not exactly lied, but I immediately regretted my words regardless. Emily and Toby were good friends, and I was certain that Em was going to poke and prod until she got as many details as she could possibly squeeze out of me. 

“What about Toby? Is he okay? Is everything okay between the two of you? What happened?” Emily demanded rapid-fire, the concern on her face growing every millisecond that I didn’t answer. 

I had to take a deep breath; I had no idea how to get out of the hole I had dug for myself, but I had to try. 

“It’s just, things feel different. If I’m honest, things have felt different since he left for London. I feel like we both changed so much while he was gone, or at least I did, and I’m not really sure how to make my way back to him. I’m not even sure if I want to make my way back to him…”

The last part of my admission came out in a whisper. I had not intended for it to come out at all, and I fervently hoped Em had missed it, but my hopes were dashed as soon as I saw her face. She looked confused for a moment, her face contorting as she tried to understand what I was saying, but then it appeared as though something had dawned on her all of a sudden. Scooting closer to me, she took my hands in her own, tugging me towards her just a little. 

My eyes squeezed shut at the contact. I didn’t want her to let go. 

“Spencer, please look at me,” Em begged, the tenderness in her voice forcing me to do as she asked. I was fairly certain there was not a thing on earth she could ask me that I would refuse any longer. “There is nothing wrong with having doubts. I know that his reaction to the pills unsettled you, and the fact that he continues to act like he needs to be your knight in shining armor instead of your partner and equal upsets you, but I also know that you have yet to discuss any of this with him. 

Until you do that, none of this is going to be resolved, and you are going to continue to be distracted and depressed by how unresolved the situation is. If you two talk and you still feel this way afterward, then maybe something needs to change, but I think you need to have that conversation before you make any rash decisions.”

It was good advice, which was no surprise coming from Emily, but I was flabbergasted by the lack of questions. I had expected to be interrogated about why I felt that way, but my best friend had done the exact opposite. 

“Is that what you did with Paige?” I inquired gently, genuinely wanting to know, but also desperate to get the focus off of me for a while. 

If she did decide to start questioning me, I wasn’t sure how long I could withhold the truth from her. My walls were crumbling under her sincerity and compassion, and I would need time to rebuild them. Emily had a way of making me wholly vulnerable without even trying, and that frightened me more than A ever had. 

“Kind of, but not fully, and that’s one of the things that I regret the most about how I ended things with her,” Em answered thoughtfully, sitting back from me just a bit. “Paige wanted to talk, she wanted to explain things more, but I shut her down. To be honest, I had already made a decision by the time she asked for an opportunity to explain, and I was afraid that if I let her tell me why she did what she did, I might change my mind. I was afraid of the effect she might have on me.”

Emily’s eyes got misty, and it was easy to see that she wasn’t completely over Paige, which made me feel even guiltier about my own feelings. My best friend was already trying to juggle her feelings for Alison and Paige, along with the hell A was putting us through, and yet she was still trying to solve my problems. She didn’t need to deal with my confusing feelings for her on top of all that, and I was more determined than ever to keep them from her. 

“So you think the two of you might still be together if you had given her that chance?” I asked, curling into myself a little, not really sure I wanted to hear the answer.

Regardless of the fact that I knew I could never be with Emily, the idea of her being with someone else made me insanely jealous. It was ridiculous, and I knew that, but I couldn’t help what I felt. In all honesty, I would have much rather seen Paige with Emily than Alison, given Paige worshipped my best friend and treated her well from what I knew, but I couldn’t get over my ever-present belief that Emily could do better. I would probably never believe that anyone was good enough for her though, and it wasn’t my place to judge anyway. 

“Maybe,” Emily offered contemplatively, staring off into space for a moment as she thought. “I’ll never be certain though, and I think that’s what I regret the most. I didn’t let things play out, I didn’t allow myself to see where things might have gone, and now I’ll never know how things might have been…”

She was miles away from me as she continued to ponder her past with Paige, and I made the decision to give her time. The topic was obviously a sensitive one for her, and I didn’t want to unintentionally sway her in one direction or the other by interrupting her thought process. 

So I just sat quietly, sipping on my now cool drink and giving my best friend space. 

The silence was broken when my phone beeped loudly, causing me to jump as I grabbed it quickly, my heart pounding at the thought that it might be A. Emily looked just as frightened, and I reached out to squeeze her hand with one of my own as I unlocked my screen. 

It wasn’t from A. 

“Don’t worry, Em, it’s just Ali,” I assured her, opening the message to read its contents.

**From: Alison DiLaurentis**

_This has your fingerprints all over it, Spencer._

_I had no idea you would be so vindictive just because I pointed out your little crush_.

A frown formed on my face as I read, but I wasn’t sure exactly how to respond to such a charge. I was honestly dumbfounded by how oblivious Ali was to the effects of her own actions, and I couldn’t believe she thought I would orchestrate some kind of coup against her just because she bullied me about my feelings for Emily. 

“What’s wrong? What did she way?” Em demanded, giving me only a second to reply before snatching the phone out of my hand. Her face scrunched up in confusion as she read, and then she whipped around to stare at me incredulously once she finished. “I know our current situation was all Ali’s doing, but is it true, Spencer? Is this why you’re questioning things with Toby, because you have feelings for someone else?” 

Her voice was gentle, but her words stabbed into me like a series of extremely sharp knives. My face turned about eighty different shades of red, and I gulped audibly. I had no idea how to answer her; I had already given myself away. 

Emily moved closer to me, putting a bent finger under my chin and lifting my eyes up to meet hers. 

“Spencer, you know you can tell me anything. I would never judge you. Never,” she asserted quietly, almost whispering as she looked at me earnestly. When I didn’t answer after a good few minutes, she continued, gently probing for answers. “Is it Andrew? I know he’s been around, helping you out when Toby couldn’t…”

I actually laughed at that. The idea that I could have a crush on Andrew was actually genuinely humorous to me. He was a genuinely good guy, but Emily should have known his edges were not quite jagged enough to fit into my own. I was damaged goods; I could never be with someone as clean-cut as Andrew. Frankly, he just wasn’t all that interesting. 

“Okay, so not Andrew,” Emily posited, giving me an odd look that I could not quite decipher. “Why can’t you just tell me, Spencer? I thought we weren’t keeping secrets from each other anymore…”

She sounded so sad, and I felt extremely shitty, but there was no way I could be honest. Telling her would mean losing her, possibly forever, and I couldn’t live without her. 

Looking directly into her eyes was much too difficult in that moment, so I pulled her into a hug as I spoke, trying to avoid her piercing gaze as much as possible. 

“I’m sorry, Em. I don’t want to keep secrets from you, but I’m just not ready to talk about this. Please understand; please don’t be angry with me,” I begged, letting her go and standing up without meeting her eyes. “I need to go home. I’ll talk to you later.”

Turning, I was about to walk away when she spoke.

“Alright, I guess I don’t have any choice but to try and understand where you’re coming from,” Emily stated unhappily, sounding frustrated and obviously struggling with her desire to demand more answers from me. “But you know that whatever is going on with you, whatever’s happening, you’ll never lose me. You know that, right?”

All I could do was nod my head before fleeing. Tears were running down my face as I threw myself into my car, slamming the door shut with frustration. I was riddled with anxiety and anger and confusion. My mind was tangling itself in knots, and I needed to do something to get rid of the desperate cloud of emotions that would no doubt hinder my ability to drive home. 

I pulled my phone out.

**From: Me**

_You dug your own hole, Ali._

_It was due to your own actions that you alienated Emily._

_My feelings have nothing to do with any of this, and you know it._

_You can’t blame your self-sabotage on me; you did this all on your own._

_Congrats, your narcissism finally fucked you over._

\-- Spemily --

Tears continued to stream down my face long after I finished watching Melissa’s video for the second time. My sister had actually believed I had killed someone, but then again, so had my parents; so had I at one point in time. Even knowing that the pills had been affecting me, that I wasn’t myself, I couldn’t help but question what it was about me that caused everyone to jump to that conclusion; what made me jump to that conclusion. 

Had Emily ever jumped to that conclusion?

“Stop it, Spencer,” I whispered to myself, shaking my head as I realized how crazy I must have looked, talking to myself alone in my kitchen. 

Closing my laptop, I stared off into space, unsure of what to do with the information I had just received. I knew I would need to tell the girls eventually, but I wasn’t certain I wanted them to actually see the video. Everything about Melissa’s message was so personal and so honest; I couldn’t quite bring myself to share that small part of my sister with anyone else just then. 

I desperately wanted to call Emily, not even to talk about the video, just to have someone to talk to, but I still felt guilty and awkward about what had happened in The Brew earlier that day. There was no way for me to know if she would continue to interrogate me about my supposed “crush,” and I wasn’t certain I could handle that topic twice in one day. 

On top of that, there was a distinct possibility that Ali had spilled my secret in the meantime. It had been hours since I sent her that antagonizing text, and I had heard absolutely nothing in return, which just served to make me insanely nervous. 

Still, I needed to talk to someone. So I pulled out my phone and dialed my best friend’s number, almost hanging up twice before I finally put the device to my ear and listened as it rang. 

Emily picked up on the second ring. 

“Hey, Spence, what’s up? Is everything okay?” She asked quickly, her voice higher than usual with anxiety, making me feel even guiltier than before. 

She had been worried about me. 

“Hey, Em, not really. Melissa is gone, she left the country, and she sent me something from the airport…” I started, my voice shaky. 

I had absolutely no control over the words coming out of my mouth. 

Toby had been there when I got the package, had waited while I looked at its contents in the privacy of my room, had let me think over what it meant while we met up with Hanna and Caleb, and I still had no desire to give him any details about its contents. He had been wonderful and understanding and patient, but I absolutely did not want to share with him that piece of herself my sister had sent me. 

With Emily though, everything was different. Even without thinking about it, I was ready to tell her everything, to give her everything. 

“What do you mean she’s gone and she sent you something? I thought she wanted you to go with her? Why did she leave so suddenly?” Em asked rapid-fire, sounding more and more frantic with every question she posed. 

I needed her to calm down; I was close enough to a panic attack as it was. 

“Emily, take a deep breath,” I begged, waiting to hear her comply with my request before I continued. “She said my dad made her leave, but she couldn’t go without telling me the truth. She said…”

My phone buzzed with an incoming message. 

“What was that? Spencer? Is it A?”

She was freaking out again. 

“It’s an SOS text from Aria. She says we need to talk and she wants me to get you and Hanna to meet up with us… Why don’t you come over here? I’ll call Hanna and then we can head over to Aria’s,” I stated definitively, back to business as soon as I realized we might be in trouble, again. 

“Okay, I’m on my way. But Spence, what about Melissa’s message? What did she say?” Emily inquired stubbornly as I heard her keys jingling in the background. 

I debated on what to do next and finally decided that this was not the best topic to discuss over the phone. 

It was going to have to wait. 

“I’ll explain when you get here, but I need to call Hanna. I’ll see you in a minute.”

I hung up without letting her continue and did as I had promised, but Hanna’s phone went to voicemail, which only served to make me more anxious. 

Thankfully, Emily showed up within a matter of minutes, and I flung the door open as soon as I saw her shadow fall upon it. She looked at me for a moment after entering the kitchen, probably analyzing the tear tracks lining my cheeks and how red my eyes were from crying, and then threw her arms around me in a tight hug that encompassed my entire body. 

“It’s going to be okay, Spencer. I’ve got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or storylines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	12. Murder In Our Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are three different scenes during 5x12 that I used for this chapter: the first directly following The Liars’ discussion with Mona at Mona’s house, the second after Spencer makes the decision to go back to Radley with Mona, and the third directly following Spencer’s arrest. It is from Emily’s POV.

“See you guys tomorrow, be safe,” I told Aria and Hanna through the window of Aria’s car, waving slightly as I pulled away from the vehicle. 

The three of us had waited for Hanna outside while she got cookies from Mona’s mother, and I was not the only one who was incredibly antsy after our barely helpful conversation. Spencer looked about ready to jump out of her skin, and the hushed conversation the four of us had upon Hanna’s exit did not help. We all agreed that nothing could be done just then, so Aria offered to drive Hanna home and I looked to Spencer. 

“Come on, I’ll drive you home,” I offered, receiving only a nod in return as I took my best friend by the arm and led her to the passenger side of my car. 

Our drive wasn’t long, but it was dead silent, and I felt it might never end. Spencer was so far inside her head that I felt she wasn’t even present in the seat next to me. That car ride was the first time we had been alone together since she ran out of The Brew after I saw Ali’s text, and even with everything else going on, I needed to make sure we were okay, that she wasn’t upset with me for badgering her. I just didn’t have any clue as to how to start that conversation. 

I was still trying to figure it out when I pulled up in front of Spencer’s house. After putting the car in park, I turned to say goodbye, but she was still staring absentmindedly out the windshield, apparently unaware of the fact that we had stopped. I gave myself just a moment to gaze at her, to try and figure out what was going through that giant brain of hers, before I made a move toward her immobile form. 

“Spence? We’re here… Are you okay?” I probed, reaching out to squeeze her thigh gently as I tried to catch her eye. 

She actually jumped at my touch, and I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt that she had felt the need to flinch away from me. 

“Shit, sorry Em, I didn’t even realize…” she started, grabbing the hand I had placed on her thigh and holding it tightly between both of her own. “I’m just a little flabbergasted that I never saw this coming. I mean, Mona obviously did, so how could I have missed it?”

“Hey, stop, don’t do that to yourself, Spence,” I argued, turning her chin with my free hand so she was finally facing me. “Ali manipulated all of us, and that does not mean anything in terms of your intelligence. Mona was bullied by Ali, but she was still on the outside looking in. We were all way too close to Alison to see what she was really doing, and that was deliberate on her part. You can’t blame yourself, Spencer, Ali knew exactly what she was doing.”

My best friend nodded, but she didn’t look convinced in the least. I wanted to continue, to convince her, but she spoke before I could formulate my argument. 

“I hate to ask this of you, and I’m sure your mom isn’t going to be very happy about it since it’s a holiday and whatnot, but would you mind staying with me tonight? I just… I don’t want to be alone right now…” Spence questioned timidly, her eyes looking everywhere but my face and appearing incredibly embarrassed that she had asked in the first place. 

“Of course, Spence. I’ll just text my mom, she’ll understand, don’t worry,” I reassured her, smiling when she finally looked me in the eye once more. 

Quickly tapping out a message to my mom, I pulled the keys out of the ignition as soon as my hands were free and opened my door, hearing Spencer do the same. Taking me completely by surprise, my best friend waited for me to come around the car and then took my hand in her own, holding it tightly as she led me to the front door. Butterflies filled my stomach as she refused to let go even as we entered the house, locked the door, and made our way upstairs to her room. Spencer wasn’t usually so physically affectionate, and I was prepared to write her actions off as a reaction to all the stress we were under, but that changed as soon as we entered her room and she pulled me into the tightest, most intimate hug I had ever experienced. 

Spencer’s face found a home in the crook of my neck, one of her arms coming up around my shoulder to hold the back of my head while the other wrapped securely around my waist, pulling me as close as physically possible. I was surprised, but I reacted immediately. Wrapping one of my arms around her shoulders, I buried my nose in her hair as the other moved to gently stroke my best friend’s back. The truth of our situation hit me then, hard and fast. 

She was terrified. 

I had to make things better somehow. 

“Shhh, I’ve got you, Spence. I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” I whispered, dropping a triad of light kisses on the crown of her head as I tried to figure out what to do next. “Just talk to me, sweetheart. What is it? What’s got you so scared? Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out, but you’ve got to talk to me…”

Spencer pulled away a little, and I was terrified that I had screwed up somehow, but there was no anger in her eyes. 

“Not right now, Em. I just… I just can’t…” my best friend stuttered, her eyes begging me to understand as she brought a hand up to gently hold my face. She took a deep breath and I tried to quell the tingling sensation her touch gave me. “Can we just… Can we lay down? I know I probably won’t be able to sleep, but we should try.”

Nodding, I stepped back while taking her hands and led her to the bed, pulling the blankets back as she pulled her shoes off. It was surprisingly difficult for me to pull myself away from her long enough to grab us both a set of pajamas and step into the bathroom so we could both change, but I did it as swiftly as I could and was back at her side in no time. As soon as I slipped into the bed after flipping the light off, Spencer flew into my arms again, and I could not have been more content than I was as soon as we were wholly entangled together under the covers. 

“Promise me something, Em,” Spencer begged suddenly, drawing my gaze to her shining, beautiful, vulnerable eyes that sparkled with the little moonlight that had trickled through the gaps in her blinds. 

“Absolutely anything, my love, you know that,” I promised, cringing internally at the term of endearment that had slipped out unintentionally. 

I did not let my embarrassment keep me from gently brushing a piece of her hair behind her ear though, or from feeling those butterflies erupt in my stomach when her eyes slipped shut at my touch. I was quickly realizing that it was impossible to ignore what I was feeling for my best friend, and that frightened me, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to fight it. There was no one I trusted more than Spencer, and I was starting to think that trust was what had been missing from just about every relationship I had had. 

Spencer moved to tighten her arms around me, scooting up just enough that half of her body was fully on top of my own, her head once more taking its place in the crook of my neck. Her breath lingered lightly on my throat, and I scrunched my hands into fists to keep myself from digging my fingertips into the patch of bare back that had been exposed when my best friend changed positions. 

“Promise me that you’ll never think poorly of me? That no matter what you hear about me from other people, whatever ugly truths I tell you, nothing will change what you think of me. I couldn’t stand it if you ever looked at me differently,” she whispered, her voice breaking as I felt tears fall onto my neck. 

Pulling her even more tightly to me, I placed my lips to her temple, not moving an inch away from her even as I spoke. 

“You listen to me, Spencer. I know you better than pretty much anyone else in this world, and I love all of you, flaws and mistakes and all. No one is ever going to change that, not even you. There is not a single thing on this earth that could make me look at you with any less admiration or pride or love or awe. A lot of people have let you down, and I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt so much, but I will never, NEVER do that to you, do you understand? Quite frankly, I would rather cut off my own hand than hurt you, and that’s how things have been for me pretty much since the first time I laid eyes on you, even before we became friends. So please, stop worrying about losing me, stop worrying about disappointing me. You are perfect to me, Spencer, and that’s not going to change. Not ever.”

I was prepared to keep going, but I caught myself after I almost revealed one of my most closely guarded secrets to her. It was essential that I soothe her doubts, but that did not mean I had to spill the fact that I had had a crush on her the moment I laid eyes on her, long before Alison brought us together in the same friend group. My obsession with Ali had drawn my attention away enough that I had been able to deny it for a good long while, but I could tell those feelings were bubbling to the surface once more, and Spencer did not need to deal with that on top of everything else. She was obviously broken up about someone, unsure what to do, and I had no desire to confuse the situation for her any more than it already was. 

My secret had stayed hidden for a long time, and I intended to keep it that way. 

“Well I think you’re pretty perfect, too, Em,” Spencer mumbled quietly, snuggling closer to me, tears no longer escaping her eyes. “And thank you, I really needed to hear that.” 

Her voice was heavy with exhaustion, and I could tell she wasn’t far from sleep. Running my fingers lightly up and down her spine, I tried to lull her even closer to slumber, knowing she needed the rest. Spencer sighed deeply, and the warm breath that washed over my throat, as a result, left goosebumps in its wake. I had to fight to keep a shiver from escaping in reaction, cursing my body as it tried its level best to betray me. 

“You tell me whenever you need to hear it again, and I’ll have a whole slew of wonderful things to say about you, Spence. All you have to do is ask,” I promised, running a hand through her hair. “Now, get some sleep, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay, goodnight Em, I love you,” Spencer agreed, her speech slurred with the sleep that was already fighting to take her. 

After making herself comfortable, my best friend shocked me for the millionth time that night. 

With no warning at all, she placed an open-mouthed kiss on my collarbone. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest with just that small action, but then one of her hands slipped just barely under the hem of the tank top I was wearing and grasped tightly at my waist. I felt like I was going to die, and I was surprisingly okay with that, because what a way to go. 

Sucking in a deep breath, I forced myself to calm down, at least as much as I could in such a position. Trying not to think about it too much, I let the hand that was running up and down Spencer’s back slip just under her t-shirt as well, feeling a little guilty for reveling in the feeling of her skin so much. Resting my forehead comfortably against the top of her head, I closed my eyes, knowing sleep probably would not visit me for quite some time. 

“I love you too, Spencer, so much more than you will ever know.”

\--Spemily-- 

I did not like this plan. 

As helpful as Mona had been, I still couldn’t really bring myself to trust her, and I definitely did not trust her with Spencer, especially not in Radley. 

“Spence, can we talk for a second?” I inquired quietly as the other girls started talking and planning, not wanting to pull their attention to us. 

My best friend just nodded her assent, and I pulled her into the next room, not wanting to be overheard. 

“Are you sure about doing this? Going back to Radley, I mean? If not, it’s okay, I can go in your stead, I’m sure the girls won’t care one way or the other…” I babbled, not really knowing what I was saying but absolutely certain that I did not want Spencer going back into that hellhole. 

“Em, Em, take a deep breath, you’re freaking yourself out,” Spencer ordered, placing her hands on my shoulders and running them up and down in a soothing gesture. I did as she asked and she grinned at me, but her eyes were dark and I knew she was not looking forward to whatever Mona had planned. “There we go. I know that you’re worried, and I’m not going to lie and tell you I’m not nervous about this, but we have to do it. And thank you, for the offer to take my place, but we’re going to need someone to distract Ali. As much as I hate the idea of you having to interact with her, you know you’re the only one that would believably get in contact with her at this point. I’ll be okay, Em, I promise.”

I hated the idea of talking to Ali, but Spencer was right, we had to do whatever needed to be done. Still, I was worried. 

“It’s just, I hate the idea of you going back in that place… Promise me that you’re going to be safe and keep an eye on Mona. I may trust her to help us, but I don’t trust her with you,” I argued, reaching up to hold that hands that had remained on my shoulders. 

Spencer smiled at me, genuinely this time, and then pulled me into a hug much like the one we had shared the night before. She clung to me, her face pressed tightly against my neck as she spoke. 

“I promise,” she acquiesced, one of her hands moving up to slide into my hair. “You have to promise too, though. I don’t trust Ali as far as I could throw her, and I swear to god if she does anything to hurt you I will end her.”

“I promise,” I whispered, squeezing her even more tightly before allowing her to step away. 

“We’re going to get through this, Em,” Spencer stated confidently, brushing a hand lightly along my cheek. “As long as we’ve got each other, we can get through anything.”

With that, she placed a soft kiss on my cheek and left the room, nodding at Hanna as they passed each other. I was still worried, but I knew I had to have faith in Spencer’s ability to protect herself, just as she had to have faith in me. 

Hanna moved to stand in front of me, a quizzical look sitting comically on her face as she looked at me and then back toward where Spencer had disappeared and back to me again. 

“Okay, seriously, what is going on with you two?” My friend demanded, hands on her hips and one eyebrow raised. 

“Nothing, Hanna, I just wanted to make sure she felt okay going back into Radley. I’m worried about how being back there might affect her,” I offered honestly, looking everywhere but Hanna’s eyes as I blushed slightly at the implication of her words. 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it, Em,” Hanna argued sternly, placing a hand on my arm to hold me in place when I tried to move away. “The two of you have been all secretive and affectionate lately, more so that usual, and Spencer barely ever talks about Toby anymore. Is there something going on between you two? You know you can tell me, I won’t be spilling any more secrets anytime soon, I’m way too sober now, unfortunately.”

My eyes grew so wide in shock that they nearly popped out of their sockets. 

“There is nothing going on between Spencer and me, Hanna. I’m back together with Paige and Spencer has Toby. What’s wrong with us being there for each other right now? We sure as shit weren’t there for her when she was struggling with the pills and needed us, so maybe I’m just trying to make it up to her, be a better friend.”

I hadn’t intended to be so harsh, but Hanna’s questions had put me on edge, and I had no idea how to handle myself. 

“Wow, defensive much?” Hanna bit right back, her eyebrow still raised almost to her hairline. “No offense, Em, but that did not look like a friendship hug, and the four of us have never been kiss on the cheek kind of friends. It’s not like we’re French or whatever. That hug looked suspiciously like a ‘do you wanna do the frik-frak’ kind of a hug, if you know what I mean?”

My eyes narrowed, and I wanted to smack her, but I reigned myself in. 

“Drop it, Hanna,” I huffed, pushing past her and back into the other room, ready to start planning if that meant escaping Hanna and her crude observations. 

Hanna caught up with me before I made it to the other girls, holding me back just long enough to whisper in my ear. 

“You two would be beautiful together. Just be careful, I know how much you mean to each other, don’t let anything change that,” she advised, squeezing my arm before passing me. 

The fact that Hanna knew even as little as she did had me freaking out, but there was one thing I could not deny in what she said. 

Spencer and I would look damn good together.

\--Spemily-- 

I stood staring at the door of The Brew for a full minute after the cops had dragged Spencer through it. Making up my mind, I spared a brief glance toward Paige before bolting outside, running toward my best friend just as she reached the police cruiser. There was no way I was going to let her believe she was alone in this. 

“Spencer!” I yelled from the door, running so quickly I reached her in seconds, my eyes wide as the cops pulled the back door of the cruiser open, about to push her inside. I threw my arms around her neck so that they couldn’t separate us quite yet, causing the cop holding her to shout in surprise. “We’ll get you out. I’ll call your mom. Just trust us, we won’t let anything happen to you.”

All of the cops were yelling by then, and two of them were actively prying my arms from around my best friend’s neck. Spencer managed to kiss my cheek before the cops succeeded in pulling us apart, one of them lifting me bodily into the air as I struggled to get back to her side. 

“I trust you, Em. It’s okay. I’ll be okay, don’t get into trouble for me,” my best friend stated softly, telling me with her tone and a look that I needed to stop fighting. 

I did as she requested, lifting my arms in surrender to let the cops know I was done. 

“Keep your head up, Spence. I love you, don’t forget that,” I spoke strongly, wanting to cry as she was forced into the backseat of the cop car, but fighting back the tears because I wanted to be strong for her. 

“I love you too, Em, more than you know,” my best friend shouted as the door was slammed on her, freezing me in my tracks. 

It took only seconds after that for the cruiser to pull away from the curb, and I stumbled after it a few feet, not wanting to let go of what Spencer had just offered me. As soon as the cop car turned a corner and left my sight, I snapped out of my stupor, and I snapped out of it violently. Yanking my phone from my pocket, I dialed Mrs. Hastings’ number and stomped my way back to The Brew, anger boiling deep in my gut. That anger was only exacerbated when Spencer’s mom didn’t pick up the phone. 

Storming into The Brew, I headed straight for my keys and purse, knowing exactly what I needed to do. 

“Okay, I’m going to get Mrs. Hastings and take her to the police station. She isn’t answering her phone,” I told the group still standing in the coffee shop as I threw my purse over my shoulder. “Aria, I need you to go talk to Ezra, see if he has anything from his stalking years that implicates or exonerates Spencer that can’t be traced back to him. Hanna, you and Caleb see if you can get back into the police computers and track Spencer’s processing. Paige, can you and Toby stake out Alison? She might take this opportunity to do something even bigger, so I want us to keep an eye on her as much as possible.”

I was almost out the door by the time I finished giving orders, but Paige held me back. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” She inquired quietly, looking worried and anxious. 

Usually, my instinct would have been to comfort Paige, especially given that we were back together, but Spencer was my priority. I couldn’t think about Paige when my best friend had just been arrested. 

“Yes, I’ll be fine. Please, go with Toby, keep an eye on Ali. I’ll call you all with updates when I have them.”

With that, I pushed through the door of The Brew and speed walked to my car. After throwing it into gear and speeding practically the whole way, I made it to the Hastings’ home in no time. Sprinting around the side of the house, I didn’t even bother to knock as I flew through the door and up the stairs; calling for Mrs. Hastings from the moment I made it inside. 

“Emily! What’s going on? What happened?” Spencer’s mom demanded, looking harried as she met me at the top of the stairs in her pajamas, appearing to have just awoken from a nap. 

“The cops, they just arrested Spencer for Bethany’s murder. I tried to call, but you didn’t pick up. We need to go now, I’ll drive you to the police station,” I explained hurriedly, slightly out of breath as I did my best to rush the woman in front of me. 

“What?” She screeched, looking at me as though I had grown a second head before forcibly calming herself down. “Never mind. Explain everything to me in the car. Just let me change and we’ll go.”

Even before she finished speaking, Mrs. Hastings ran back into her room, changed, and came back out, all in under three minutes. We rushed down the stairs and into my car, and I sped all the way to the police station, explaining what had happened at The Brew in as much detail as I dared, obviously leaving out any links to A. I especially made sure to dwell on the sheer number of officers that Holbrooke had felt necessary to arrest a teenage girl and the force with which they handled her, both of which made me want to kill someone. Mrs. Hastings’s face was ashen as I parked in front of the police station, and she took a deep breath before stepping out of my car. 

We walked side-by-side into the building, both of us with murder in our eyes. 

The Rosewood Police were about to get their asses handed to them. 

“Thank you for coming to get me, Emily, you’re a good friend to Spencer. This is probably going to take a while though, so you can go home if you want. I will call you and your mom when I have news. You don’t need to stay here, there’s nothing you can do right now,” Mrs. Hastings offered, running a hand across my shoulders in a motherly fashion as we stood outside the bullpen. 

“That’s okay, Mrs. Hastings, I…” I started, about to tell her there was no way I was leaving Spencer when my phone buzzed loudly. I pulled it out and looked at Spencer’s mom apologetically. “Sorry, it might be my mom…”

Pulling up the message, I held my breath, hoping it wasn’t from A.

**From: Aria Montgomery**

_S.O.S. Mona found something. Meet at her place ASAP._

I let out my breath, hopeful for the first time in a while. 

“Sorry, Mrs. Hastings, I actually need to go. Please keep me updated, and call me if you and Spencer need a ride at any time,” I apologized, waffling on what I should say next before deciding screw it, I would deal with the consequences later. Taking the woman’s hand, I looked at her earnestly. “And please tell Spencer that I’m here and I love her. She needs to be reminded that she’s not alone right now.”

Looking slightly shocked and confused, Spencer’s mom just nodded, and I fled the police station as quickly as I could. Whatever Mona found, it could be Spencer’s saving grace. There was nothing more important in the world than that. 

Nothing was more important than Spencer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or story lines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	13. Well That Is New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is from Spencer’s POV after the end of the final episode.

I was shaking. 

After the cops had shoved me into the back of the cruiser in front of The Brew, I had felt more alone than I ever had before in my life. I had watched Emily through the rear window until I couldn’t see her anymore, and then I curled into myself as much as I could. When we arrived at the station, the police officers practically dragged me inside to start processing. 

My fingerprints were recorded. My photo was taken. And I was stuck in a cold interrogation room completely by myself. 

Tanner and Holbrooke came in after I had been sitting alone for at least half an hour. They decided to switch up roles this time, with Holbrooke playing bad cop and Tanner trying her best to be friendly and affable. Needless to say, the latter didn’t work very well. 

“We know you did it, Spencer. We have evidence. Just admit it. Admit that you killed Bethany Young to get into your leader’s good graces. ADMIT IT!” Holbrooke yelled, slamming his fists down on the table as he glared at me coldly.

There was a gleam in his eyes that frightened me, so I refrained from my usual sarcastic comments and stayed silent. 

That only seemed to anger him more, but Tanner stepped in before he could do anything. 

“Listen, Spencer, we know you weren’t in the right state of mind that night. With the pills, you couldn’t have been. If you confess, the judge might take it easy on you,” she offered, only trying half-heartedly to be genuine, and failing miserably. 

“I am a minor. You two are not allowed to speak to me without a parent or legal guardian present. So you can ask all the questions you want, but I am not going to say a word until I have spoken with my mother,” I stated defiantly, sitting up straighter and praying that Holbrooke was smart enough not to lay a hand on me. 

He honestly looked like he wanted to. 

Instead, he just started throwing question after question at me. He wanted to know why we were all so loyal to Alison, if the other girls knew I had killed Bethany, if Toby knew what I had done, if my parents had helped me cover up my involvement, if Melissa had been involved, etc. For the most part, I sat passively, trying my best to keep a straight face and not react. He wanted me to react, and I had no desire to give him what he wanted. 

“You know what? I think the other girls know a lot more about this than you or they are letting on. Maybe we should bring them in one at a time? Emily seems like a sweet girl, I’m sure we could ‘persuade’ her to tell us the truth,” he continued, sneering at me as he leaned forward. 

I almost lost it when he said that. 

Yanking at my handcuffs that were attached to the table, I surged forward, almost head butting the detective in the process. Glaring daggers at him, I was about to scream at him for threatening Emily, but just then the door to the interrogation room flew open. 

“Don’t say a word, Spencer,” my mom ordered, marching to stand behind me and glaring at the two detectives. “Now you two get out before I have your badges revoked for interrogating a minor without her legal guardian present.”

Holbrooke just sneered at her and Tanner shrugged her shoulders. 

“Just having a friendly chat, Mrs. Hastings,” Holbrooke offered, standing up from where he had still been leaning on the table, and heading toward the door with his partner. Sticking his head back around the doorway, he offered me one more statement. “Oh, and Spencer? We are definitely going to be questioning your girlfriend. I think that chat with Emily will be incredibly productive for us.”

With that, the detectives were gone and the door to the interrogation room was shut. 

“I don’t want you to worry, Spencer, we’re going to figure this out,” my mom offered, taking a seat across from me and grasping my hands in her own. 

“I won’t let them do this to Emily, mom. You’ve got to protect her from them. Holbrooke is insane and I don’t want him anywhere near her,” I jumped in quickly, not caring all that much about my own situation while Emily was being threatened. 

“Don’t worry about that, sweetheart. I will call Pam as soon as I can. I won’t let anything happen to any of your friends. But we need to focus on you and getting you out of here,” she stated with confidence, looking me straight in the eye in an attempt to reassure me. 

“It wasn’t me, mom. I didn’t do this,” I stated frantically, desperate for her to believe me. 

We did not have the best history on that front. 

“Of course you didn’t, Spencer. I know that. We will talk about all of that once you’re out of here. For now, I need to go and talk to the police about releasing you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay and to remind you that you don’t have to say anything to any of these people. I’ll get you out as quickly as I can. I love you, Spencer,” my mom explained, coming around the table to hug me before leaving the room. 

And I was alone once more. 

Honestly, sitting alone in that bare, cold, institutional interrogation room was worse than Holbrooke yelling and screaming questions at me. Everything about that room reminded me of Radley, and I wanted nothing more than to curl up into a tiny ball and hide away from the world, especially since escape was not an option, but I stubbornly refused to give in to that impulse. There was no way for me to know whether or not anyone was watching on the other side of the glass, and I had no desire to give them the satisfaction of seeing me frightened. So I sat up as straight as I could and maintained a completely neutral expression as I stared at the wall in front of me. 

It felt like hours passed as I sat there. 

I had no idea what was happening outside the four walls of that interrogation room, and it was absolutely killing me. My mind kept drifting to Emily, and I prayed to whatever divine being was out there that she was okay and that my mom would protect her like she promised. After what was shared between us outside The Brew, especially that spark of recognition in her eye when I told her I loved her, I knew things would change. 

The time had come for me to stop lying to myself, and to everyone else. I knew that I needed to talk to Toby as soon as I got out. If I got out. He deserved to be happy with someone who loved him in the way that he wanted, and I couldn’t do that for him, not anymore. It wasn’t fair to him, and I cared too much about him to keep lying about the truth of my feelings. Even if I had read things wrong, even if Emily didn’t return my feelings, I couldn’t stay in a relationship that I was no longer invested in. 

All of a sudden, the door to the interrogation room flew open, and Detective Holbrooke poked his head inside to sneer at me once more. I couldn’t help it, the surprise of his appearance made me jump, and the detective’s sneer only grew wider at my reaction. 

“Just thought you would want to know. Someone murdered Mona Vanderwaal,” he offered snidely before quickly exiting the room again and slamming the door. 

To say I was in shock was a massive understatement. 

It took me at least fifteen minutes to wrap my head around his words. 

Mona was dead. 

Someone had murdered her. 

I had to get out of that interrogation room. 

If A was killing people, any of the girls could be next. Anyone period could be next. I had to get out so that I could protect them. I had to see them. I had to hold Hanna, because I knew she would be absolutely destroyed by losing Mona, again. She had lost her once when she found out Mona had been betraying her all along. Hanna had lost her best friend then, but Mona had been working to earn back Hanna’s trust, and it had seemed to be working, working slowly, but working nonetheless. With Mona gone, Hanna would never have the chance to rebuild that friendship, and I knew that was going to haunt her for the rest of her life. 

Growling in frustration, I yanked at the handcuffs still connecting me to the table and felt the cold metal dig painfully into my skin. Realizing that was going to get me nowhere, I slammed my head down onto my arms as they lay on the table, worried and devastated and terrified. 

It took at least another forty-five minutes for my mom to come back with a uniformed officer, and I wanted to throttle the idiot for taking his sweet old time to un-cuff me. 

“Come on, Spencer. Let’s go home,” my mom offered, glaring at the officer as well before wrapping an arm around my shoulders and guiding me out of the police station. 

Dad was waiting for us outside, and he opened the doors for Mom and me before getting in himself to drive us home. The first five minutes were spent in silence, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I needed confirmation. 

“Is Mona really dead?” I asked cautiously, my voice hoarse as I tried my best not to cry. 

Mom and Dad just looked at each other for a moment before Mom turned and reached out to take my hands. 

“I’m afraid so, sweetheart. They didn’t find a body, but the police say no one could have survived such an attack with as much blood as they found in her house. Hanna, Emily, and Aria were the ones who discovered the crime scene, apparently,” my mom explained softly, refusing to let go of my hands as she spoke. 

I swallowed hard, still fighting back tears. Tears for Mona, of course, but also tears for my friends. I couldn’t even imagine what it must have been like to discover that gruesome scene, especially for Hanna. 

Squeezing my mom’s hands in return, I drew up the courage to ask my next question. 

“How did you get me out?”

We were at the house by then, and my mom motioned for us all to exit the car before she answered my inquiry. 

“I threatened them with a lawsuit if they didn’t release you into my care. The Brew has security cameras and so does the bank next door. We have plenty of evidence of excessive force being used from what Emily tells me, and they were way out of line questioning you without a parent present. I had to agree to bring you in for further questioning, but the department is going to be busy with trying to figure out what happened to Mona for a while, so I would venture to say we have a bit of time before that happens,” Mom explained bluntly, ushering Dad and me inside before locking the door securely behind us. 

I hadn’t really noticed before, but she looked terrified. Mona’s murder had her on edge, just like Mrs. DiLaurentis’s had, and I suddenly had a new appreciation for my mom’s humanity. 

“I’m assuming you don’t want me to leave the house, so is it okay if I ask the girls over? I’m really worried about them…” I asked hesitantly, not sure how my parents would respond, but desperately needing to see my friends. 

“Yes, that’s fine. Don’t leave the house though, and don’t answer the door for anyone other than the girls or Toby. Your father and I will be in the study talking things over. Come get us if you need anything,” Mom agreed, hugging me tightly before dragging Dad off to the study. 

Pulling out my phone, I sent an S.O.S. text to Hanna, Aria, and Toby asking them all to come over. I opted for calling Emily instead of texting; I needed to hear her voice. 

“Emily Fields’s phone,” Paige answered after only a couple of rings, making my stomach churn with jealousy. 

Somehow I had conveniently forgotten that they were back together. 

“Hey Paige, it’s Spencer, can you put Emily on?” I inquired as politely as possible, grimacing with the effort. 

“Hey, Spencer, yeah, of course. Em said she would only talk to you or your mom if someone called. Just give me a sec, she’s laying down,” Paige explained before the phone went quiet. 

I heard the rustling of feet and indistinct whispering before Emily’s voice came through the phone. 

“Spencer! Are you okay? Are you out? Did you hear what happened?”

Her voice was scratchy and she sounded as though she had been crying for days. 

“Yeah, Em, I’m home. I heard about Mona. I’m so sorry you had to see that. Can you come over? I already texted the other girls. I’m not allowed to leave the house, but I really need to see you guys. I think we all really need to be together right now. You can bring Paige if you want. I don’t want you walking around by yourself anyway,” I asked, my grimace holding fast as I offered to allow Paige to come. 

I had no desire to see Emily’s girlfriend, but I needed my best friend to be safe, and I knew that Paige wouldn’t let anything happen to her. 

“Of course, Spencer. We’ll be right over.”

With that, we said our goodbyes and hung up. Knowing I wouldn’t be able to sit still while I waited for everyone to show up, I went into the kitchen and put the kettle on to boil. Pulling out all of my friends’ favorite teas, I set about making cups for the girls and the significant others they were certain to bring along with them. Toby wasn’t much of a tea person, so I grabbed him a root beer instead and then waited impatiently for everyone to show up. 

It took less than ten minutes for the first knock on the door to arrive. 

Grateful to see Emily and Paige when I looked through the peephole, I pulled to door open just enough to let them in before swiftly swinging it shut and locking it behind them. I barely even had time to turn around before Emily launched herself at me, embracing me fiercely as she whispered how thankful she was that I was okay in my ear. Returning her embrace just as tightly, I nodded to Paige in thanks, receiving a tight smile in return. I had not really thought about how Mona’s death might affect Emily’s girlfriend, but in that moment I knew she had just as much reason to be frightened as the rest of us. 

Pulling away enough to hug Em from the side, I lead Paige and her into the kitchen, sitting them both down at the island.

“Here, Em, I made you some jasmine tea,” I offered, placing the mug down in front of her before turning to her girlfriend. “Paige, is jasmine okay with you, or would you like something else?”

I wasn’t forcing myself to be polite anymore; I was glad Paige was there, even if I was jealous seeing her and Emily together. We were all in danger, and we needed to stick together if we were going to survive whatever A had planned next. 

“Jasmine is fine, thank you, Spencer,” Paige answered affably, moving to stand behind Emily and hold her gently. 

My stomach churned again, but I understood their need to be close. 

Turning to grab a cup of tea for Emily’s girlfriend, I sucked in a deep breath to steady myself while I was facing away from them. Once I felt sufficiently put together, I moved to hand Paige her tea, opting to stand across the island from the two of them to give myself space. 

“So what happened, Spence? Are you okay? Did they let you go for good?” Emily inquired, reaching out to take one of my hands and interlacing our fingers. 

Paige’s eyes followed the actions, but I could discern no visible reaction from her, so I didn’t pull away. I had no desire to hurt the girl, but I needed that physical contact with Emily. 

“I’m okay, I promise, Em. It was intense, and my mom said I’m not off the hook yet, that I’ll still have to go in for questioning at the very least, but I’m out for now. Actually, she said you were partially responsible for getting me out, so thank you,” I stated gratefully, squeezing her hand gently and offering her a small but sincere smile. 

There was another knock in the door. 

“I’ll get it,” Paige offered quickly, moving out of the kitchen before I even had time to react. 

Em tightened her grip on my hand again, and we sat in silence until Paige returned with Hanna, Caleb, and Toby in tow. Letting go of Emily’s hand reluctantly, I walked straight to Hanna, engulfing her in a giant hug without giving a second thought to anyone else. Hanna clung to me desperately, and I could feel her tears falling on my neck as she fought valiantly to control herself. I couldn’t help it; I started to cry, too. 

“She’s gone, Spence. She’s really gone,” my friend whispered brokenly, hiccupping her words out with difficulty between deep breaths. 

“I know, Han, I know. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. God, I’m so sorry you didn’t have more time with her,” I whispered back, having almost as much difficulty speaking as she was. Pulling myself together as much as I could, I leaned away a little and took her face in my hands, wiping away a few of her tears. “We will find out who did this, Hanna. We will find them, and we will make them pay. I promise.”

Hanna just nodded and hugged me again before moving toward Caleb, who held her tightly from behind. As worried as I had been about his drinking, I was glad Caleb was back. Hanna needed him. 

Toby hobbled over to hug me then, and I gently kissed him on the cheek after our embrace before helping him over to the couch and elevating his injured leg as much as I could. Before I could say anything else, there was another knock on the front door. Waving at everyone to stay put, I turned walked to the foyer, greeting Aria and Ezra before locking the door behind them. Aria hugged me tightly when I turned around, and all I could think about was how small she was, and I felt like breaking down because it would be so easy for someone to hurt her. 

“Hey guys, everyone is in the kitchen,” Emily greeted the couple, nodding to Ezra and hugging Aria as soon as our small friend had let me go. 

After a brief embrace with Emily, Aria took Ezra’s hand and lead him into the kitchen, making me worry about my parents coming out of the study. I’m not sure how they would have handled seeing my English teacher in their kitchen holding hands with one of my best friends who also happened to be his student. 

I was about to tell everyone to move our meeting out into the barn, but Em stepped in front of me before I could. 

“Stop taking care of everyone else for two seconds, Spencer,” Emily admonished, placing her hands around my upper arms to hold me in place as she stared me down. “And don’t try to feed me that bullshit line about you being fine. I know you’re not okay; your eyes are skittery like they were after Radley, and you’re carrying so much tension in your body that I’m afraid you’re going to snap at any moment. Talk to me, Spencer. Just tell me what happened. What can I do?”

I grasped her elbows and pulled her just a little closer, needing her near me more than I needed oxygen. 

“It was terrifying, Em, and I promise I’ll tell you everything later, but now is not the time. Hanna needs us right now, and we need to figure out what’s going on and how we can keep each other safe. You’re right, I’m far from fine, but I can’t dwell on that right now because it will distract me, and I can’t protect you if I’m distracted. I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you, Emily. I wouldn’t survive that… I wouldn’t want to survive that,” I explained pathetically, sobbing out the last words as Emily pulled me towards her. 

“Shhh, I’m right here, Spencer. I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered, pulling my head down to rest in the crook of her neck as she held me, her hands running soothingly up and down my back. 

Clinging to her for just a few minutes, I had to pull myself away eventually, knowing we didn’t really have time for a heart-to-heart. 

Still, she needed to know; she deserved to know. 

“You’re the most important person in the world to me, Emily,” I admitted softly, cradling her face in my hands, so close our noses were almost brushing. 

“Spencer,” she whispered almost breathlessly. 

I could have sworn her gaze shifted quickly to my lips before returning to my eyes, and I leaned forward the tiniest bit in response. 

Someone cleared their throat and we jumped apart as if we had been struck by lightning. 

“Everyone moved to the barn. We’re just waiting on you guys,” Paige offered, her voice hollow. 

She turned to walk away, and Emily hurried after her, both of them walking out the side door of the house and towards the barn outside. 

All of a sudden, my mom’s voice came from out of nowhere, making me jump about three feet in the air in surprise. 

“Well, that’s new.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or story lines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	14. You Are Not Going Anywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is from Emily’s POV. The story will no longer be following the show, so be prepared for things to change pretty quickly.

“Paige,” I called as soon as we had walked out the kitchen door into the Hastings’ yard.

She was refusing to face me, and I completely understood why, but I needed to talk to her. I needed her to listen. 

“We can talk later, Emily. Just get Spencer and come out to the barn. We all need to figure out what to do next,” she replied quickly, not even turning towards me as she continued to hurry toward the building across the grass from us. 

The tone of her voice told me it was useless to continue pursuing the topic. I knew that tone. I knew Paige. The only person who was more stubborn than my girlfriend was Spencer. It was impossible to get them to do something they didn’t want to by forcing the issue. The only way I was ever going to get Paige to talk to me was if I gave her space. 

It worked out that I kind of needed that little bit of space too after what had almost just happened in Spencer’s foyer.

So I stopped chasing after Paige, which went against every base instinct I had to protect and care for the people in my life, and headed back inside the house behind me. 

“Spencer, talk to me, what’s going on?” Mrs. Hastings asked, stopping me in my tracks before I could move from the kitchen to the room my best friend occupied. 

There was something in her voice that held me back. Somehow I knew that Paige was not the only one who saw what had happened between Spencer and me, and I wasn’t sure how Mrs. Hastings was going to react. I figured it was safer to wait and see what happened. My presence could exacerbate the issue if Spencer’s mom reacted poorly to what she had seen, so I stayed out of sight, swearing to myself that I would step in if it seemed Spencer needed me. 

“Nothing is going on, Mom,” my best friend replied in the smallest voice I had ever heard; she sounded so far away. 

“I’m not blind, Spencer. There is something going on between you and Emily. Emily’s girlfriend saw it too, obviously. So talk to me. I’m not going to judge you, you know I don’t care about sexual orientation, and I love Emily. But aren’t you still with Toby?” Mrs. Hastings inquired, her heels clicking across the floor. 

True to her word, there was no judgment in her voice, just genuine confusion, and concern. Regardless, a sniffle ricocheted through the air, which was heavy with emotion. I knew it was Spencer, and I had to fight myself to keep from running into the foyer and taking my best friend in my arms. It wasn’t my place to interrupt such an intense conversation between mother and daughter, and I didn’t think Spencer would appreciate my presence in that moment anyway. 

So I stayed silently just out of sight in the kitchen, straining to hear what happened next. 

“Nothing has happened, Mom…but I think I want it to, and that scares the hell out of me. Toby and I haven’t been the same since the pills, and I know that’s probably my fault, but it’s the truth regardless. I mean, I still care about him deeply, but what I feel for Emily is just… it’s just so big! My feelings for her just seem to eclipse everything else! All I want is to keep her safe, to make her happy, no matter what it takes, but I don’t know how to do that. Everything about this situation just feels so enormous, so strong, so infinite. I have no idea how to handle this! What do I do, Mom? Please, just tell me what to do,” Spencer sobbed, her voice trembling with anxiety and fear. 

Her words hit me hard. I had known for some time that I was developing feelings for Spencer, and I could feel her responding to those feelings at least a little bit, but I had no idea how much more there was to what was going on with her. At that moment, I realized I had had no idea of the extent of my own feelings either. Everything she said resonated so deeply with me that I wanted to start crying with the force of it all. Mostly though, I just wanted to hug her tightly. I just wanted her to know it was okay; that she wasn’t alone. 

“Oh, honey, I had no idea,” Mrs. Hastings offered, her voice sounding a little muffled when she presumably hugged her youngest. “It’s going to be okay, Spencer, it’s going to be okay. There’s nothing wrong with what you are feeling. I know it seems scary, but I think you need to talk to Emily about this. She loves you, that much is obvious. Whether or not she loves you the way you love her, I don’t know, but I very much doubt that you admitting what you’re feeling is going to negatively affect your friendship. What I do know is that if you keep this locked away, it’s going to eat at you and the friendship the two of you share. Don’t let that happen, Spencer.”

I couldn’t take being so far from her a minute longer after I heard another sniffle. Stepping around the doorway, I saw that Spencer was facing away from me, but I locked eyes with her mother over my best friend’s shoulder. Mrs. Hastings nodded at me before motioning for Spencer to turn around. 

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” Mrs. Hastings stated, squeezing her daughter’s shoulders and placing a kiss on the back of her head before walking back to the study and shutting the door quietly. 

Spencer and I just stared at each other, my best friend’s eyes red and puffy from crying. 

“We should get out to the barn, everyone is waiting for us,” Spencer deflected, wiping the tears from her cheeks before moving to walk around me. 

Grasping her elbow, I stopped my best friend in her tracks, pulling her to face me. Spencer refused to look at me, her eyes stubbornly focused on the hardwood floor beneath her feet. I didn’t force her to look up, knowing she was embarrassed by what I had overheard, but I did move my free hand up to caress her cheek. She needed to know that I wasn’t freaked out and that I wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Everyone else can wait,” I argued, taking a moment to simply admire the elegant contours of her face. 

I didn’t often get the chance to do something so simple, and I couldn’t help myself, she was just so goddamned beautiful. 

“Emily, this is important. We could all be in danger. The people we care about could be in danger. We need to figure out what to do, how to stay safe, how to keep each other safe,” she responded hastily, finally looking up at me and gently prying my hand from her face. 

“I am aware of that, Spencer,” I stated testily, quickly reining in the frustration when I saw a look of hurt skitter across her face. Reaching up determinedly, I cradled her face with both of my hands this time, needing to maintain a physical connection with her while we spoke. “But I also know that you’re hurting right now, and you’re scared and confused. The safety of your heart is just as important to me as everything and everyone else that is in danger right now.”

Spencer looked at me quizzically, as though she didn’t quite understand what I was saying, and I would have chuckled had things not been so intense between us. It was not often in our friendship that I managed to confuse Spencer Hastings. 

“Yes, well, I don’t think you can do anything for me on that front,” my best friend whispered, looking away from me again, her voice completely broken. 

Tears pricked at my eyes. 

“And what if I can?” I asked her carefully, stepping the tiniest bit toward her. 

Spencer recoiled from my new proximity, and the tears finally escaped my eyes. 

“Please don’t do this, Emily. Please don’t give me false hope. I don’t think I could take that; I’m pretty sure it would destroy me in the end,” she begged, meeting my eyes as hers began to water.

At that point, I was just flat out mad. 

“How could you ever think that I would do that to you, Spencer?” I demanded, a new fire in my heart making me determined to show her the truth. “I would never do anything to hurt you. Never. God, Spencer, how could you not see how much you mean to me? It’s true, this is new to me, these feelings have been around for quite some time, but I’ve only recently acknowledged them. But just because I don’t know quite what to call them yet, that doesn’t mean the feelings I have for you aren’t there, and it certainly doesn’t mean that what I feel for you isn’t just as powerful as what you just described feeling for me.”

Frustrated with my own vagueness, I pursed my lips, trying to figure out how to better explain myself. 

“Emily, you don’t…” Spencer started, trying to cut me off, her eyes wide with a combination of desire and fear. 

I placed a thumb over her lips to halt her words, shivering when she unconsciously kissed it, her eyes widening even more at her own actions. 

“All I want to do every time I see you is take you in my arms and kiss you and protect you from everything ugly that is happening in our lives. I got back together with Paige because I was afraid of how strong my feelings were for you, and because I was terrified that you didn’t return them. Please, believe me, Spencer. You have to know that I would never lie to you about something this important,” I argued earnestly, staring into her eyes beseechingly. 

I needed her to understand so desperately. 

“Em, how could anyone not fall for you?” Spencer whispered, placing her hands on my hips and pulling me even closer, our faces barely a breath away. 

“I want to kiss you so badly right now,” I confessed, incapable of pulling my eyes away from where they had fastened themselves on her lips. 

Never in my life had I wanted something more than I wanted to kiss her in that moment.

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me right now?” My best friend questioned, her gaze ghosting back and forth between my eyes and my lips. 

“Probably the same thing you’re doing to me,” I returned saucily, my thumb running over the focus of my attention as I fought with every inch of strength left in me not to simply lean in and plant one on her right then and there. 

Spencer sighed deeply, and my whole body leaned toward her in response. 

“We can’t do this though, not right now, not yet,” she contended, not making any move at all to put distance between us. 

“I know, I know,” I agreed, reaching deep down for the willpower to do what needed to be done. I finally managed to step back from her, but my hands maintained their position cradling her beautiful face. I didn’t have that much willpower. “We need to talk to Paige and Toby. Plus, everyone is waiting for us. Hanna needs us.”

My best friend nodded, reaching up to place her hands over mine. 

“Alright, okay, let’s go, we need to go,” she stated rapidly, gently pulling my hands down but keeping one of mine clasped in her own. “We’ll figure this out later.”

The smile she gave me was full of hope, and I couldn’t help but smile right back, regardless of the day we had both had. We had managed to find strength and beauty in the midst of all the fear and tragedy, and that was no small feat, but I felt like a terrible person for feeling anything other than sadness so soon after Mona was murdered. 

That scene would never leave my head completely, but I was glad to escape it for a moment. We needed to focus though; we had a lot to do. 

Nodding in agreement, I kept a hold on Spencer’s hand as I led her out to the barn. Just before I opened the door, I let her go, not wanting to upset anyone inside. The time would come to talk to Toby and Paige, but we needed to keep everyone safe first. That was the priority. 

Spencer held the door open for me, and I couldn’t help but throw her a somber grin. Having her near, watching her go out of her way for me, it helped me deal with everything else in a way I knew I never would have been capable of without her. 

“Sorry guys, we got caught up by my mom,” my best friend apologized as she stood in front of our friends, that haunted look from earlier returning to her eyes as she no doubt was crushed by the reality of our situation once more. “I only heard very vague generalities about what happened while I was in the police station. Is anyone okay with explaining it to me a little more? Aria, maybe? Or Ezra?”

I knew she singled out Aria and Ezra because she didn’t want Hanna to have to relive that nightmare, and she didn’t want to take the chance of being alone with me again before we spoke with our respective significant others. Still, as much as I didn’t want to relive what I had seen in that house, I wanted to be the one to tell her. I knew she was going to take it hard and find some way to blame herself. Aria and Ezra wouldn’t see that, and they certainly wouldn’t be able to address it with her. 

It was not meant to be though, so I moved to sit beside Hanna, squeezing her in between Caleb and me on the sofa. My friend immediately leaned into my side and I embraced her as her boyfriend held tightly onto her hand. Hanna was going to be dealing with the emotional consequences of Mona’s murder for a long time to come, and I wanted her to know that I was there for her, whatever she needed. 

“How about the three of us talk about it in the other room?” Ezra proposed, his eyes shifting to Hanna before skittering back to Spencer again. 

Never before had I seen him look so frightened, not even when he was shot. 

Aria and Spencer agreed with him, and the three of them went into the other room to discuss what had happened. Hanna just burrowed further into me, and Caleb moved closer to her other side, whispering to her as he did so. Toby was sitting on the other couch, his leg propped up, and I felt intensely guilty at the confused look on his face. 

Spencer had not even acknowledged him upon entering the barn. 

Toby and I were not as close as we had once been, but I still considered him to be one of my closest friends, and I cared about him a lot. I had no desire to hurt him, but I knew he would be in pain as soon as Spencer spoke with him, and that thought made my stomach churn. Looking to Paige, who was sitting in the corner by herself, that feeling only intensified. 

Everyone was already in pain and absolutely terrified, and we were only going to make things worse. I wasn’t sure I could do it. 

It only took a few minutes for Spencer, Aria and Ezra to come back into the room. As soon as they did, Spencer walked straight to Hanna and knelt on the floor before her. My best friend took Hanna’s hands in her own and looked her dead in the eye with that determination that I loved and admired so much. 

“We will find out who did this, Hanna. And when we do, they will be punished, I swear to you,” Spencer asserted strongly, squeezing our blonde friend’s hands as she did so. 

Hanna just nodded and leaned forward to hug Spencer tightly for a brief moment, the only thanks she could give. Ever since we had walked in on the horror fest that was Mona’s house, Hanna had barely said a word, and I could hardly blame her. I wasn’t close to Mona at all, and I was having trouble putting the words together to describe how I was feeling, so I could only imagine how difficult it must have been for my friend. 

After Hanna let her go, Spencer squeezed my knee before moving to get up, making eye contact to ensure that I was okay. I nodded to reassure her, and she stood to address everyone once more. 

“Mona must have found something huge, otherwise A never would have escalated like this so suddenly,” my best friend asserted confidently. “Whatever it was, we need to find it as soon as possible, but we also have to be as careful as possible. Whoever did this would obviously have no problem killing any one of us if we got in the way. We aren’t going to be able to look for anything until the police are done at the crime scene anyway though, and we’re all still in danger in the meantime. I don’t want anyone in this room going anywhere by themselves from this point on. All of us staying in one big group would be ideal, but pairs are the minimum. If anyone wants to stay here for the night, you are more than welcome.”

There was a quiet murmuring throughout the room as Spencer finished speaking, and the hum of it was starting to give me a headache. Hanna seemed to be equally annoyed by it, because she buried her head in my shoulder, hiding away from what was happening around us. Spence just raised an eyebrow, waiting. 

“So are we all thinking this was Alison?” Paige questioned loudly from her corner, her tone heavy with exhaustion I knew was not physical. 

“I definitely think it was,” Aria spoke up from her place tucked into Ezra’s side. “Mona told me she found new info about Ali, something about her knowing Bethany Young and wanting her dead. That was the whole reason we were all going over there in the first place. I have absolutely no doubt that Alison could have done this.”

It was the first time Aria had flat out agreed that Alison could be A, and her words hit me like a speeding train. Regardless of my own suspicions and heartache, I didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t want to believe that someone I had once loved could be capable of such evil. 

“I’m as suspicious of Alison as anyone, but I think we need to be careful here, guys,” Spencer argued cautiously, pacing as she spoke. “We need to be really careful about getting tunnel vision because it could put us in even more danger. Even if Ali is the ringleader in all of this, that doesn’t necessarily mean she is the one who killed Mona, and we need to stay on alert around everyone. At this point, I’m not willing to rule anyone out as a suspect that is not in this room right now. We should obviously keep an eye on Alison, but I think we should keep an open mind and watch our backs around everyone until we have more proof.”

“I agree,” Toby stated, speaking for the first time since we entered the barn. “We can’t rule anyone out yet. So I’ll start doing some research tomorrow, look into what the police have, at least as much of the information as I have access to at this point. I may not be able to go on patrol or look at the crime scene yet, but I can still work at my desk.”

“That’s a good idea, I’ll drop you at the station tomorrow,” Caleb offered, nodding to his friend before turning to the rest of us. “While Toby’s doing that, I think it would be a good idea if I staked out Mona’s place tomorrow, see if anyone suspicious comes by. I would tail Alison, but she’ll most likely be at school, and I can’t really just show up there whenever I want anymore.”

Hanna shot up at that, rounding on Caleb with fury in her eyes. 

“You are absolutely not going on a stakeout by yourself after everything that has happened,” she screeched at him, her eyes burning holes through his face with her anger. 

“I’ll go with him. My parents are out of town for a few days anyway, I’ll just tell them I was scared to go to school after everything that has happened,” Paige interrupted, winning a grateful nod from Caleb and a begrudging one from Hanna. 

“Well I’m certainly not going to classes tomorrow, so I’ll go with you guys,” Hanna stated definitively, crossing her arms stubbornly, practically daring us to try to talk her out of it. 

None of us were that stupid. 

The next twenty minutes were spent figuring out what the rest of us were going to do the following day, and how we were going to manage not to be alone that night. Spencer, Aria, Ezra, and I decided we would go to school to scope out peoples’ reactions to what had happened, and to keep an eye on Alison. I tried to get everyone to stay in the barn that night, but Ezra was paranoid about Spencer’s parents finding out and Paige flat out refused. So it was decided that Hanna, Caleb, Paige, and Toby would stay the night in Caleb’s cabin since they would be together the following day. Ezra and Aria decided to go to Ezra’s apartment, and Spencer and I would pick her up before school in the morning, following closely behind Ezra’s car on the way to school just to keep an eye on him. I would be staying with Spencer. 

“Okay, well, I guess that’s all we can do for tonight. Get home safe guys, and keep in contact as much as you can. We should meet up at The Brew tomorrow evening to talk,” Spencer offered, standing and moving to help Toby stand up and grab his crutches. 

People started getting up and filing out, saying their goodnights as they went, but I caught Paige’s arm and pulled her aside before she could make her escape. She followed me to the side of the room but didn’t say a word, and I found myself stumbling as I tried to find the right thing to say to her. 

“Paige, we really need to talk,” I started, regretting my word choice immediately as anger and hurt flashed across her face. 

“There’s nothing to say, Emily,” she interrupted, positively heartbroken yet sounding resigned to her fate. “I always knew that you would leave me in the end; I was always the second choice, runner-up. Second to Maya. Second to Alison. Now, apparently, second to Spencer. It’s not like I didn’t see this coming, I just thought it would be Alison that came between us, which made me absolutely sick to my stomach. I suppose Spencer is the better alternative.”

Her words stung even more than I thought they would, and even though they were harshly true, I wanted very badly to contradict at least some of them. Paige deserved to be more than someone’s runner-up, and I had never thought of her that way. 

“Paige, I…” I tried again, wanting to at least get a couple of words in edgewise. 

“Please, don’t try to fight me on this,” she stopped me, raising her hand and sighing deeply. “We both know it’s the truth. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop helping you guys. I’m involved in this already, and I care about you too much to let anything happen to you, but I’m going to need space for a while. So take care of yourself, Emily. I guess I’ll see you around.”

With that, she kissed my cheek and walked out to help Toby into her car, following closely behind Caleb as he and Hanna made their way to the cabin. Aria hugged me before leaving with Ezra, and it was just Spencer and me all over again. 

“We should probably get inside, your parents might be worried,” I offered, unconsciously taking her hand as we made our way toward the house and into the kitchen. 

We had a light dinner with the Hastings, none of us all that hungry, and then Mrs. Hastings ordered us to bed, promising we would talk about the charges against Spencer in the morning. She looked like she wanted to say something else for a moment, and I was afraid she would try to separate us for the night after what she had witnessed earlier, but she just waved us along after a couple of minutes of silence. 

“I can sleep in the guest room if you think that might be better,” I offered Spencer as we entered her room, not wanting to make her uncomfortable since I knew this was all very new to her and she had not yet had the opportunity to speak with Toby about everything that was going on with us. 

Spencer looked at me like I had grown a second head. 

“You’re not going anywhere.”

I had never felt more relieved. I had no desire to be alone after everything that had happened, and being able to be close to Spencer was just an added bonus. 

A very wonderful added bonus. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or story lines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	15. Enough For Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is from Spencer’s POV.

Waking up in Emily’s arms was a whole different experience after we had confessed our feelings to each other. There was no anxiety, no desperate need to uncurl myself from around her before she awoke. Instead, I just tightened my arms around her waist and pressed my nose further into her silky hair. Being so wrapped up in her, it was a little easier to pretend like the last few days had just been a terrible nightmare. 

I really needed a few minutes of believing that, even if I knew it wouldn’t last. 

“Do we really have to go to school today?” Emily grumbled, slowly turning to face me, stubbornly staying as close as humanly possible. 

“Unfortunately, yes,” I explained sadly, placing a soft kiss on her forehead and fighting against every impulse I had to do so much more with the gorgeous woman lying in my arms. “We need to be there for Aria and Ezra. Knowing Rosewood High, it would not be that much of a leap to think that something terrible could happen to them there.”

Emily sighed deeply and tightened her arms around my back. 

“Damn,” she whispered, snuggling her face into the crook of my neck and placing a kiss there that drove me absolutely crazy. “And here I just wanted to cuddle with you in bed all day, even if I can’t kiss you just yet…”

I felt like I was about to explode. A shiver ran through my body that no doubt told Emily more about how my body reacted to her proximity than I could ever express through words. 

“As amazingly lovely as that sounds, I think we’re going to have to wait on that one,” I explained shakily, making absolutely no effort to distance myself from her. 

She kissed my neck again, and I thought I might die on the spot. 

“You’re right, of course, like always,” Em acquiesced, pulling away just far enough that she could look me in the eye. “I’ll go take a quick shower, and then make us some breakfast while you’re getting ready.”

All I could do was nod dumbly as she rolled out of the bed, scrounged around for some of my clothes to wear, and shut herself up in my bathroom to get ready. As soon as I heard the shower turn on, I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle staying in my room, so I made my way downstairs to talk to my mom. 

I found both of my parents sitting at the kitchen island, sipping coffee and looking as though they had not slept a wink the night before. 

“Morning,” I greeted, moving to get my own cup of coffee before making eye contact with either parent. 

“Morning, sweetheart,” my mom replied, getting up to hug me as she sighed deeply. She shared a look with my dad. “We really need to talk about things, Spencer, especially after what happened to Mona Vanderwaal yesterday. I’m sure you girls are all pretty shaken up about that…”

I felt like I was going to throw up just thinking about it. 

Ever since I had woken up that morning, I had been trying my best to avoid thinking about Mona. The whole situation was terrifying, and the fact that Alison could have been responsible just made everything worse. Suddenly I was even concerned about Emily being alone on the second floor of my house. 

We couldn’t go on living our lives like that. 

“You’re right, we definitely need to talk…” I agreed, taking a deep breath as I steeled myself for the oncoming conversation. “I’m assuming you would rather do that before school than after?”

Mom and Dad shared another look, making me even more nervous. 

“Spencer, the school just called, there won’t be any classes today. After what happened to Mona, and with it being Thanksgiving tomorrow, they’re giving you all an extra-long weekend,” Dad explained as Mom studied her fingernails, both of them looking more frightened than I had ever seen them in my life. 

“Oh.”

It was all I could manage to say. 

I had not even thought about the fact that Thanksgiving was the following day. In truth, I was still kind of in shock, and I had yet to truly accept the magnitude of what had happened. 

Mona was dead. She was never coming back. No one would ever see her again. 

After thinking about it for a moment, my mind was overwhelmed with images of Mona’s mother spending Thanksgiving alone, mourning her daughter, a girl that few other than our small group would miss. 

I wanted to puke again. 

“I’ve got you,” a voice whispered from behind me, strong arms wrapping around my torso and helping to hold me up. 

My mind had been so far away that I had not even realized I had started to fall. 

“It’s okay, I’m here,” Emily reiterated, her arms tightening around me after I turned to embrace her. 

“This is all really happening, isn’t it?” I whispered in return, tears beginning to leak from my eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah it is,” my best friend spoke quietly, placing a kiss on my temple as she tried her best to soothe me. “But I’ve got you, Spence. I won’t let anything happen to you. We’re going to get through this together, Spencer. I promise, I’m never going to leave you.”

I clung so tightly to Emily that she was probably having trouble breathing, but there was no way I could let go. Everything around us was a whirling chaos of insanity, and I felt like Emily was the only reason I hadn’t been yanked off my feet and thrown headlong into the swirling shit storm. 

When I finally calmed enough to lift my head from my best friend’s shoulder, I noticed that my parents had quietly left the room. Granted, my mom probably pushed my dad out forcibly, but it was still unusually kind of them to give Em and me a moment. 

“You doing a little better? Do you want me to ask your parents if this discussion can wait? It’s okay if you need a little bit of time to process this, Spence,” Em offered quietly, pulling my eyes back to her own and gazing at me with a look that had become more and more frequent over that past few months. 

I was fairly certain it was love. 

“I’ll be okay, Em, I’m sorry I just broke down like that… In all honesty, I think it would be extremely unwise to put this discussion off any longer. ‘A’ isn’t our only enemy anymore, and I need to know what I’m up against with these charges. I want all the facts I can get. 

You don’t have to sit there and listen to all my parents’ legal jargon though. We still need to call the girls anyway, let them know what’s going on. Hanna might get anxious if she doesn’t hear from us at some point this morning,” I explained, kissing Emily’s cheek softly before stepping away from her. 

The fact that her eyes slipped shut at the touch of my lips, and that her own lips parted just slightly at the sensation, was almost enough to make me smile even in the situation we found ourselves in. Knowing I could affect her just as much as she affected me was empowering somehow. 

“Are you sure? I don’t mind sitting with you through all of that; I don’t want you to be by yourself right now…” She started, looking incredibly hesitant and reaching out to take my hand in her own. 

“I’m sure. I’ll be fine, my mom will be right by my side. Please, Em, go call the girls. I really am worried about Hanna worrying. She doesn’t need anything else to stress over right now. If we’re not done talking by the time you get off the phone, then just come in and sit with me then, okay?” I offered, knowing she couldn’t say no; Emily was just as concerned about Hanna as I was, probably more so. 

After all, she saw Mona’s house, too. 

“Okay,” she agreed reluctantly, squeezing my hand tightly. “But I’ll be right out here while I’m on the phone, so just come grab me if you need me.”

I nodded before leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on her cheek once more. 

“Thank you, Em,” I offered quietly, hugging her. 

“You don’t have to thank me, Spence. I love you. I’m here, whenever you need me, for whatever you need me,” she replied, squeezing me tightly before pulling her phone out of her back pocket and moving to sit on the couch as she made her first phone call. 

It still stunned me to hear those words pass her lips, and I had to stand rooted to the spot for just a moment, trying to take it all in. 

When I had gathered enough of my wits about me, I turned and walked into my parents’ study. My dad was sitting at his desk, rifling through some work papers, while my mom paced back and forth frantically, worry and fear clouding her normally calm and controlled features. 

“Spencer!” She exclaimed almost too loudly as soon as she caught sight of me, hurrying in my direction. “Are you okay? Where is Emily? What happened? I wasn’t sure if we should have left you two, but I wanted to give you space to talk, but I didn’t want to frighten you…”

“Mom, stop,” I demanded gently, reaching out to take her hands and try to calm her down. “I’m fine, or as fine as can be expected given the current situation. Emily is in the living room calling Hanna and Aria to make sure they’re both okay. I told her to come in here whenever she’s finished.”

My mom nodded and was about to respond, but my dad interrupted her before she could. 

“I think you’re aware that this is a very serious situation, Spencer. I don’t mean to sound callous, but we need to worry about you and your situation right now. We don’t have time to worry about your friends as well… no matter how close you may be,” he explained coldly, his last statement half covered by a cough. 

In all honesty, I wasn’t at all surprised to find disdain in his voice. Not a second had passed where I didn’t wonder when his true feelings would surface about his not-so-straight daughter. 

He probably saw my love for Emily as some kind of blight on the Hastings name, or something equally ridiculous and archaic. 

I couldn’t even bring myself to care anymore. 

“Peter, if you are going to sit there and judge our daughter for loving someone as good and kind as Emily Fields, who has been nothing but an amazing friend to Spencer throughout all of this chaos, who has stood by your child come hell or high water, then you can leave this house right now. We have enough shit to deal with in this family without throwing your idiotic bigotry into the mix,” my mom expostulated with all the calm of the eye of a hurricane. 

That storm was sure to burst if my dad said the wrong thing. 

A shuffling in the doorway interrupted the tension building in the silence of the room. 

“Come on in, Emily. Peter was just leaving,” Mom called, beckoning a sheepish looking Emily into the room as she ushered my father out of it with the other hand. 

“Veronica…” Dad called as he turned back towards us from the hallway. 

“Goodbye, Peter,” Mom interrupted, dismissing him with a wave of her hand. 

I had to hold back a giggle; Mom looked so imperious and yet non-plussed at the same time. 

Emily immediately moved to my side, and I took her hand in my own as soon as she came within reach. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Hastings,” my best friend offered sincerely, her eyes downcast and her face reddening a bit with her embarrassment. 

“Oh sweetheart, you’re more than welcome. You should never be made to feel bad about who you are or whom you love. From what Spencer has told me, you haven’t had the easiest time over the last few years, and I want you to feel safe and welcome here. With everything that has happened recently, you don’t need to worry about whether or not we accept you in this house. It’s my house, and you are safe, welcome, accepted, and loved here,” Mom explained tearily, reaching out to hug Emily tightly, my best friend wrapping her arms around my mother in return. 

I wrapped my arms around both women, so proud to be the daughter of such an amazing mother. 

When we finally all pulled apart, I took Em’s hand again as I turned toward her. 

“So, Aria and Hanna? How are they?” I inquired, careful about how much I was sharing with my mom standing right there. 

Although I admired the hell out of her, I was not ready to spill the beans about ‘A’ just yet.

“Everyone is fine. They both said not to let you worry, and asked me to keep them updated on what’s happening with the charges and everything. Hanna wants us to call her later and let her know if she and Caleb can come over later just to hang out for a little while. I don’t think she wants to be alone,” my best friend explained, looking back and forth between my mom and me, obviously being careful about what she shared as well. 

“That’s perfectly fine, you two can call her after our discussion, she’s more than welcome here. I can’t imagine that Ashley is going to want to be far from her daughter right now though, so tell Hanna that her mom is more than welcome to come over as well. The two of us can talk while you all spend time together,” Mom offered, motioning for us to sit down so we could talk about my bail and everything related to the charges leveled against me. 

Emily and I heeded the unspoken command, sitting as close as possible on the loveseat that occupied the far wall of the office, our hands entwined. 

“So, what are we up against?” I inquired after my mom had taken a seat behind her desk, her fingers linked in front of her as she sighed deeply. 

“We all know that you didn’t do anything to that girl, Spencer, which means all of the evidence against you is completely circumstantial. However, what worries me is that the police felt they had enough evidence to arrest you. The fact that they had that much confidence, so much so that they felt justified in strong-arming a teenage girl out of a coffee shop when she never once resisted, had me seriously concerned. I have a sneaking suspicion that someone must have said something to implicate you. Can you girls think of anyone who would want to do that? Or why?”

My mom’s brow was creased with anxiety, which meant my situation was **very** serious. 

Veronica Hastings was never anxious when it came to legal matters. 

I looked to Emily and raised an eyebrow; she just shrugged her shoulders. Obviously we could not tell my mother everything we knew, that would mean confessing everything about ‘A’ and what had been happening over the past few years, but we needed to give her some kind of credible answer. 

Suddenly, it hit me. 

Kind of like nausea. 

“The only person who has ever done something like that was killed yesterday. Other than Mona, I can’t think of anyone that would hate me enough to accuse me of murder,” I lied through my teeth, keeping a straight face the whole time even though I felt like I was going to be physically ill. 

I had absolutely no desire to drag Mona’s name through the mud, especially not after she died trying to help us, but it was really my only option. 

My mom didn’t look convinced. Emily squeezed my hand. 

“So you girls don’t think that Alison could have had anything to do with this?” She asked almost cautiously, not really looking either of us in the eye. 

I almost choked on thin air. 

“Alison?” Emily inquired, her voice squeaking a little as she spoke. 

Knowing she was still struggling with the idea that Alison could actually be responsible for any of the shit that was happening to us, I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, not wanting her to feel the pain she had been experiencing over the past few days. 

“It seems that this mess only appeared after she got back, and she’s managed to keep you all quiet about her disappearance this long… I know you all were friends once, but is it possible that she’s using you girls for her own benefit now that she’s back? Knowing Alison, it’s not all that farfetched to assume something like that,” Mom explained, less cautious once she had gotten her points out in the open. 

My eyes kept straying to Emily, and I knew my worry was not hidden from my mother. 

“Spencer?” My mom asked with quiet force, determined to know what I was hiding. 

I took a deep breath; time for more lies. 

“We all know Ali is no saint, Mom, but I can’t imagine her going this far,” I offered, keeping my hold securely around my best friend’s shoulders. 

Emily was shaking a little, and I couldn’t tell if it was from fear or sadness or rage. 

“Well, be that as it may, I would prefer if you girls stayed away from her, especially for now. Alison has a long history of digging into other people’s lives and screwing around with them for kicks. I know it might be difficult, especially if you’re concerned for her after what happened to Mona, but I just ask that you do your best to keep your distance for now,” Mom implored, her eyes practically begging us to see reason. 

If only she knew the truth. 

We were planning to be as close to Ali as possible; we had to find evidence, whether it showed that she killed Mona or not. Distance was not part of the plan. 

“Of course, Mrs. Hastings. If you think that would be best for Spencer’s case, then we’ll do absolutely everything we can to keep our distance from Alison,” Emily agreed sincerely, surprising me a little. 

She had become a pretty good liar over the past few years. 

My mom just looked back and forth between the two of us, obviously not sure if she could trust us. 

“I suppose that will have to be enough for now,” she acquiesced, still clearly not convinced, but too exhausted to start an argument. “For the moment, I need to make some phone calls. I have a few friends in the Records Department at the city, so I might be able to get some more information about the case. In the meantime, you two call the girls and invite them over. Now is not a time that anyone should be alone. Let both Hanna and Aria know that their parents are more than welcome as well. Emily, that goes for you as well. Please feel free to invite your mother over as well, I’m sure she’s worried about you.”

We both sighed a breath of relief; the interrogation was over for the time being. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Hastings. I’ll give my mom a call now. I’m sure she’ll want to come, and I really don’t like the idea of her being home alone right now. And please, let me know if there is anything I can help with in regards to Spencer’s case or the charges or anything,” Emily offered, moving to hug my mom before moving toward the door. 

“Yeah, thanks, Mom. I love you,” I added, hugging my mom tightly, and truly thankful for how amazingly supportive she had been through the whole crazy mess we found ourselves embroiled in. 

“Of course, Spencer, I love you too,” Mom returned, kissing the crown of my head before shooing both Emily and me out of the study so she could get to work. 

As soon as we were by ourselves in the living room, Emily grabbed onto me as though she never wanted to let me go, and all I could do was pull her closer to me. Burying my face in the crook of her neck, I let my best friend’s scent calm the racing of my mind even as it sped up the racing of my heart. 

“I swear to god, Spencer, if Ali is responsible for any of this, your arrest or Mona’s murder, I’m going to kill her,” Em whispered, squeezing me and sounding just a little scary as she spoke. 

Protective Emily was one of my favorite versions of my best friend. 

“We don’t know if it was her, Em. Lord knows Alison is one of my least favorite people of all time, especially considering what she’s done to you over the past few years, but this does seem incredibly extreme for her, and incredibly convenient considering our recent suspicions. I just don’t want us to screw ourselves over, again, by jumping to conclusions too early and without enough evidence,” I explained, pulling her up the stairs and into my room to give us more privacy to talk about our ‘A’ problem. 

“You’re right, I’m letting the betrayal I feel cloud my judgment. I believed in her so much, Spence. I wanted so badly to believe that she had changed. But I know now that she has never actually cared about any of us, least of all about me. Still, I need to keep an open mind, we can’t make ourselves more vulnerable by being willfully ignorant of other possibilities.”

She flopped down onto my bed as she finished speaking, rubbing her hands down her face in frustration. There was no way I could completely understand where she was coming from, I wasn’t the one who had been in love with Alison for years, but I felt for her regardless. 

“Well I’m not going to let her or anyone else hurt you ever again,” I stated stubbornly, climbing onto the bed beside her and leaning over her to look into her eyes. 

“We’ll protect each other,” she agreed, reaching up to cup my cheek gently. 

I melted a little bit. 

“Yes, we definitely will. I love you, Em.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or storylines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	16. I Was Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is from Emily's POV.

Spencer’s gaze was like liquid fire, and my whole body felt like it was burning from the inside out. Her eyes dropped to my lips, and everything that had happened that morning fled from my mind. I could focus on nothing but the pink lips above me that were coming closer and closer with each passing second. 

Our faces were millimeters apart when Spence’s phone pinged loudly from across the room. My best friend sighed deeply, closing her eyes briefly before carefully clambering off the bed and moving toward her phone. 

Just as she opened whatever message she had received, her eyes grew almost comically wide and her face turned ashen with panic. 

“Spencer? What is it? What happened?” I questioned frantically, scrambling up from the bed so quickly I almost tripped in the process. 

My best friend looked up at me, her face still deathly white. She opened her mouth as if trying to give me an answer, but no sound came out. After thirty seconds of gaping at me, she simply held the phone out for me to take. 

Drawing the device toward me, I took a deep breath and looked at the small screen before me. There, staring back menacingly, was a photo of Spencer and I leaning towards each other, about to kiss on her bed. There was a caption underneath.

**From: Unknown Number**

_You should be more careful, Spencer. We wouldn’t want Officer Toby finding out about his girlfriend’s extracurricular activities…_

_At least, you wouldn’t want him to find out. The rest of us would be highly entertained to see his reaction._

_Kisses, A_

I had the sudden urge to throw that phone straight across the room and shatter it into a million pieces, but I took a deep breath instead, steadying myself before turning toward Spencer. 

“It’s going to be okay, Spence, we will figure this out,” I stated firmly, wanting nothing more than to take her hands in my own, but afraid there was still a camera focused on us. “And I’m sorry, I haven’t been very good about boundaries since we talked yesterday. But don’t worry, I’ll back off until you feel ready to talk to Toby. I don’t want to make anything harder for you than it already is…”

Spencer was shaking her head as I spoke, and she moved forward to take her hands in my own, looking fiercely determined as she did so. 

“No, no, please don’t do that, Em. I need you, especially right now. You’re not allowed to leave me right now. You promised you wouldn’t leave me,” Spencer argued, full of panic and looking as though she were on the verge of tears. 

She looked so desperate that it made me want to cry as well, and I couldn’t resist pulling her into my arms once more, burying my nose in the crook of her neck. 

“I could never leave you, Spence. All I was saying was that I’d be more conscious of my actions from now on. The last thing I want is for Toby to find out about us from A because you know how cruel that reveal would be. But I could never leave you, my love, not unless you ordered me to, and, even then, I don’t think I would survive life without you,” I explained quickly, the tears finally escaping my eyes and falling onto the soft, beautiful skin of her neck. 

Her arms tightened around me, and we were both content to stand in each other’s embrace forever in that moment. 

Another loud ping interrupted us, and we jumped apart as though we had been burned. Spencer’s eyes immediately went to her phone, but there was no new message. Reaching out to squeeze my best friend’s shoulder in reassurance, I walked back across the room to the nightstand beside Spencer’s bed. 

**From: Alison DiLaurentis**

_You might want to close the blinds next time, Em. Anyone could have seen Spencer trying to jump your bones, and, though you may not believe it, there are more dangerous people out there than me._

_P.S. – Tell Spence she should be more careful about who she pisses off. I told her I wouldn’t give up on you without a fight._

There was a photo attached, similar to the one that A sent Spencer, but from further away, and a little blurry. Looking up from my phone, I marched over to Spencer’s bedroom window, my eyes immediately finding Ali standing brazenly before her window staring straight back at me. My hand formed a death grip on my phone, and I probably would have done something I regretted had Spencer not moved in front of me to close the curtains herself, standing still as she gazed at me once she had finished. 

She held her hand out for my phone, looking at me expectantly, and I gave it up as soon as she asked, crossing my arms in front of me as I continued to seethe with rage. 

“I’m going to kill her, Spencer,” I stated emotionlessly when she looked up from the screen of my phone. “I swear on my life, that bitch is going to wish it had been her in that grave instead of Bethany…”

Spencer just grabbed my arm and directed me to sit on the bed with her. My best friend had her deep thinking face on, so I just waited her out, planning a million and two ways I could kill Alison and dispose of her body without anyone finding out. 

“She practically just admitted it, Emily,” Spencer offered wonderingly after a few minutes of anxious silence, her eyes wide as she looked at me, practically begging me to understand what she meant. 

“Admitted what?” I inquired cautiously, thinking back over the text, trying to figure out what she had seen that I had not. 

“Ali has been bullying me about my feelings for you for quite a while now, ever since that day you and I talked by the pool. We’ve been fighting a lot, over text mostly, and I finally snapped the other day after my eye appointment. I told her that it was her own fault you wanted nothing to do with her, and I may or may not have called her a narcissist. 

Em, this is her revenge. She thinks that I somehow tricked you into giving up on her so that I could have you all to myself. So, she talked to the police. She planned out exactly what to say that could convince them I was the one who killed Bethany. I have no doubt she has them wrapped tightly around her little finger, ready to jump at just a word from her.”

Spencer’s face was ashen again, and that made me even angrier. I wanted to comfort her, say something to make her feel better, but I was too anxious and restless to find something appropriate. Jumping up from the bed, I started to pace. 

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before, Spence? I never would have allowed her to torture you like that! You have to know that I wouldn’t… God, she is such a psychopath! I mean, we knew she was capable of some fucked up shit, but I never would have thought she would go as far as pinning a murder on you because she thought you were trying to steal something she wanted for her own! Why didn’t you tell me, Spence?”

I stopped pacing to stare at her, breathing hard with rage and panic and anxiety. 

“What exactly did you want me to say, Emily?” Spencer inquired with a dry laugh, a spark in her eye that warned me to expect sarcasm in the near future. “Oh, hey Em, so I know I’m dating Toby and everything, but I’m kind of sort of deeply in love with you to the point that I can’t think of anything or anyone else. Somehow Alison found out, and now she’s torturing me about it because she wants you all to herself… Yes, I can see it now, that conversation would have gone superbly while you were still struggling with your feelings for her.”

She quirked an eyebrow at me as if challenging me to tell her she was wrong, and I couldn’t help but think about how sexy she looked when she did that. 

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I resumed my seat on the bed and pulled her hand into my lap, running my fingertips softly along the lines of her palm. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” I acquiesced quietly, knowing that I wouldn’t have been ready to hear her out at the point in time she had mentioned, and ashamed that that was the case. “I just can’t stomach the idea of anyone hurting you, least of all Ali, and especially not because of me. I’m sorry you had to go through that, Spence, and I’m sorry you couldn’t come to me about it at the time.”

“Hey, hey, stop that. None of this is your fault,” Spencer argued, grasping both of my hands in her own. “Plus, it’s over now, we have each other, and that’s what matters. Right now, we need to get Hanna and Aria over here so we can decide what our next step should be, especially now that we know Ali is the one who talked to the cops. And I need to talk to Toby as well, hopefully today if at all possible.”

I nodded, though I had no idea how she was staying so calm about everything. Rage was still storming through my veins, and I had not yet lost the urge to march next door and murder Ali where she stood, spying on us. 

The picture had convinced me. Ali was either A, or she was working for A. She knew we suspected her, and she was throwing it in our faces. On top of that, she was threatening Spencer. 

I was intent on making her regret it, all of it. 

“Emily, I need you to promise me something,” Spencer spoke softly from beside me, her warm voice soothing a little of my anger, but not enough. 

“Anything, babe, you know that,” I responded absentmindedly, my mind still running through homicidal possibilities. 

I didn’t even realize that the term of endearment had slipped off my tongue until Spencer’s hands tightened on my own, and my blush pulled me back into the present just a little. 

“Promise me that you won’t go over to Alison’s on your own, or with just Hanna. I know that look in your eye, and I know that you want to protect me, but I don’t want you to do anything you might regret in the heat of the moment. I love you, we just found our way to each other after all this time, and I’m not willing to lose you to guilt or shame or regret or the damned Rosewood Police Department,” Spencer stated earnestly, her eyes sought my own desperately, needing for me to understand and agree. 

I did, understand her that is, but I really didn’t want to. What I wanted was to strangle Ali by her scrawny neck. 

Still, I took a deep breath and reined myself in. For Spencer. 

“Okay, I don’t like it, but I promise,” I acquiesced with a huff, finally turning to look Spencer in the eye. 

“Thank you, Em. I really needed to hear that,” she responded, kissing my cheek softly before getting up to start making phone calls.

\-- Spemily –

I was just walking down the stairs when my mom arrived. Aria and Ezra were already out in the barn with Spencer, and Aria’s mom was having coffee with Mrs. Hastings in the kitchen. Mike and Mr. Montgomery had stayed home, and no one had mentioned a word about how Mike was handling everything. I took that to mean that he was not handling it well. 

“Emmy, sweetheart, you shouldn’t have opened the door. It could have been anyone,” my mom admonished before engulfing me in a tight hug, still tut-tutting at me as she did so. 

I couldn’t help but chuckle softly. 

“Mom, you literally just texted me thirty seconds ago that you were on your way. We live across the street…” I offered, trying my best to hide my mild exasperation, but not doing a very good job if the look on my mom’s face was any indication. 

I loved her dearly, but she could be a little overbearing sometimes. 

“Even so, let one of the moms get it next time, okay? For my piece of mind?”

“Okay, okay, I won’t open the door again without permission,” I responded smartly, rolling my eyes as I kissed my mom on the cheek and led her into the kitchen. 

“Veronica, I believe your daughter is rubbing off on mine. The sarcasm is strong with this one these days,” my mom teased as we came into view of Mrs. Hastings and Mrs. Montgomery, playfully smacking my shoulder before moving to sit with the other two women. 

Mrs. Hastings looked at me then with a knowing smirk, and I blushed immediately, looking anywhere other than at my best friend’s mother. I was beginning to realize that Spencer and I were going to have to have conversations with a lot of people once we were finally together. 

The doorbell rang again as the three moms chatted about the weather, probably waiting until Mrs. Marin got there to delve into the deep stuff. I motioned toward the door with a bit of sass, and my mom smacked my shoulder a little harder than last time as she passed. 

Toby, Caleb, Paige, and Hanna all stood together on the front stoop, and I suddenly felt a little awkward. I had almost forgotten that Paige had stayed at the cabin the night before. I hadn’t even alerted her to our meeting that afternoon, and I felt like a terrible person, especially since she didn’t look very happy about being there. 

“Hey, Mrs. Fields,” Toby greeted for everyone, smiling as she opened the door wide for them. 

“Hello, dears. Come in, come in,” my mom demanded, ushering the group inside quickly and locking the door securely behind them. “The moms are having a bit of a powwow in the kitchen. Spencer and Aria are already out in the barn though, so I’m sure you’ll want to head straight out there. Just be careful, and please come in before dark.”

“Of course, Mrs. Fields, thank you,” Hanna responded, latching onto me as soon as she saw me and dragging me toward the kitchen door as she called over her shoulder. “My mom should be here in a few minutes, I spoke to her right when we got here, and she said she was already on her way.”

If the moms responded, I didn’t hear them, because Hanna was speed-walking me to the barn as fast as was humanly possible. Toby, Paige, and Caleb were walking more slowly behind us, so Hanna and I were inside the building before they were even halfway across the yard. 

“We need to put an end to this. We need to put an end to Ali,” Hanna practically screamed as soon as the door had shut behind us. 

Even I was surprised by the venom in her words, and I had been thinking along virtually the same lines not half an hour before. 

“Han, slow down, we need to think about this…” Aria started, moving to comfort our friend, but taking a step back when Hanna started talking exaggeratedly with her hands, throwing them about like weapons. 

“There is nothing to think about, Aria! Alison killed Mona, one of us could be next. We cannot let her get away with that on top of everything else she has put us through. Mona deserved better. We all deserve better than the hell we have been living in over the past few years,” Hanna shouted, only quieting down when Caleb finally made it through the door and wrapped her up tightly in her arms. 

She started sobbing then, and Aria immediately joined in the hug, stroking Hanna’s hair in a maternal manner in an attempt to calm her. 

My eyes immediately sought out Spencer. 

My best friend was standing just a few feet away from me, motioning for Toby to follow her into the next room. I sought her eyes out almost desperately, silently asking if she needed me to go with her. Spencer subtly shook her head, no, and I hung back, not really knowing what to do with the crying Hanna standing in front of me. 

Ezra and Paige had struck up a conversation in the other corner, and I found myself standing alone, unsure of what I should be doing. I knew my own anger at Alison would only fuel Hanna’s, and Paige had been very clear the night before about wanting space. In truth, all I wanted was to be with Spencer, but she needed privacy to talk to Toby. Still, I wanted to be close by if she needed me, so I made my way to stand next to the closed door that hid Spencer and Toby from the rest of the room. 

I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I didn’t exactly move away when I found I could hear their voices either. 

“I’m sorry, Toby, neither of us wanted to hurt you…” Spencer explained, sounding absolutely exhausted as she spoke. 

“Stop saying that, Spence. I know you’re sorry, and I know that neither you nor Emily would intentionally hurt me, but the fact is that you have, and that’s not going to change just because you keep apologizing,” Toby’s voice rasped. 

He sounded like he had been crying. 

“Toby, I…” Spence started again, her voice shaking, sounding close to tears herself. 

I wanted to run in there and hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay, but Toby’s next words stopped me. 

“You know, Spence, I always knew this was a possibility, even subconsciously when we first started dating. Ever since I’ve known you, you have been willing to give up just about anything to be there for Emily, and she has been exactly the same with you. You even told me that you had changed your extracurriculars after Emily joined the swim team, because she asked you to be at her meets because she was nervous, so you dropped your environmental club and one of the international politics ones so you wouldn’t have to choose between them and Emily. 

The two of you have always been really affectionate, sitting close enough together that you’re touching, holding hands…How could I not have seen this coming? I mean, seriously, I must have been blind not to have truly seen the way you two look at each other!”

“I was even blinder than you, Toby,” my best friend whispered, her words barely reaching my ears on the other side of the door. 

“Not always though, Spence. You realized you had these feelings before now. When did it start? When Alison got back?”

Toby’s voice was barely there. I should have stepped away at that point, but I couldn’t make myself do it. I needed to hear Spencer’s answer. 

“I started questioning how I felt about her after Radley. She was there for me, and I needed her more than I ever thought I could need another person in my life. It wasn’t until we were in New York that I realized I cared about her as more than a friend, though it took me longer to accept it. It wasn’t until yesterday that I learned she felt the same way.”

Staggering a little, I made my way to the nearest seat I could find and slumped down into it, staring off vacantly into space as I tried to process my best friend’s love-soaked words. 

A few minutes later, the door opened slowly, and Toby limped out on his crutches. He caught my eye, nodded briefly, and then kept moving across the room to where Paige stood with Ezra. Toby whispered something to Paige, and the two of them said their goodbyes before leaving entirely. 

Spencer came out a couple of minutes later, ignoring the fact that everyone was staring at her as she knelt down in front of me. She took my hands in her own, squeezing them tightly as she stared into my eyes. 

“Does he hate us?” I whispered, frightened to hear the answer. 

Toby was my friend, after all. 

“No, he doesn’t hate us. He did say he needed space though, and I figured we owe him that at the very least,” she responded with a grim smile. 

“Are you okay?” I continued, noting the redness that rimmed her eyes. 

“I am now,” she responded with a genuine smile, lifting one of my hands to kiss the back of it lightly. “I have you, after all. How could I be anything less than okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or storylines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	17. It’s Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer's POV

I was very aware of all the eyes on me as I knelt before Emily, doing everything I could to reassure her even as she appeared closer and closer to tears. 

My conversation with Toby certainly had not been pleasant, but it had not gone as badly as I had anticipated either, which made me hopeful. Of course, he was hurt to discover that I had feelings for Emily and that how I felt about him had changed, as well as a little angry that I had waited so long to tell him, but overall he had been pretty understanding about the whole situation. I wasn’t sure staying friends was an option for us, even after space and time, but I had not given up hope just yet. 

“Are you going to be okay, sweetheart?” I asked Em gently, placing a kiss on her right palm and looking up at her beseechingly. 

I hated it so much when she cried. 

“Ha, am I going to be okay? You’re the one who just broke up with your long-time boyfriend, Spence, I should be asking you that question. God, I don’t even know why I’m such a mess. I’m so sorry, babe,” Emily offered with a self-deprecating smile as she sniffled and tried to pull herself together for my sake. 

“Hey, stop that, Toby is your friend, it makes sense that you would feel bad about being party to hurting him in any way. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. We’re both just trying to figure all this out, and it’s not like our lives are a walk in the park right now. We will get through this though, and I wholeheartedly believe that every struggle will be worth it in the end, because we will be together,” I argued stubbornly, my hands taking their habitual place, cupping the sides of her face reverently. 

She smiled at me, the tears finally seeming to recede. 

“Okay, so who wants to explain to the rest of the group what exactly is happening right now?” Hanna demanded, seeming almost relieved to have something other than Mona and Alison to focus on for more than two seconds at a time. 

Emily’s eyes grew wide with panic, so I gave her a reassuring nod before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead and standing up to face our friends. 

“I know that we couldn’t have worse timing if we tried, then again it’s been over three years since there has been a good time for anything, but Emily and I have recently realized that our feelings for each other go beyond that of mere friendship. I’m in love with her, and we have decided to try our hands at a romantic relationship. I wanted to explain the situation to Toby as soon as we were aware of our feelings because it wasn’t fair for me to stay with him while I was in love with someone else. I hope you all will support us in this, because I, for one, intend to be with Emily as long as she will have me,” I explained, reining myself in eventually because I could tell I had started rambling. 

Aria and Ezra just stood gaping, their eyes enormous and their jaws practically on the floor. Caleb looked absolutely ecstatic, he tried to high-five Ezra even, but the other man was too shocked to respond. Emily sniffled again, and I immediately reconnected our hands in an attempt to comfort and support her. 

“I knew it!” Hanna practically screamed, a smug smile taking up residence on her face. “You guys kept denying it, but I totally freaking called it!”

“She totally did,” Emily offered with a chuckle, moving to stand up beside me, keeping my left hand firmly entangled in her right. 

Hanna’s outburst appeared to make Em feel much more comfortable with the situation; her back straightened and she held her head high as she faced our friends. 

“Seriously though, Hanna has been talking about this for months now. Congrats guys! We’re really happy for you,” Caleb added kindly, his grin still enormous as he offered us an enthusiastic thumbs up. 

Hanna was definitely rubbing off on him. 

For her part, our blonde friend squealed with excitement and bounded towards us. She enveloped both Em and me in a tight hug that just about knocked the breath out of both of us, and I couldn’t help but laugh as she did so. 

“I’m… a little confused,” Ezra offered quietly, his mouth finally closing but his eyes remaining absolutely enormous, backing up his words. 

“You can say that again,” Aria agreed, though a small smile was forming on her lips. “How long have you guys… I mean, when… How?”

She stopped when she realized she wasn’t sure how to form her question. Hanna just laughed, letting us out of her iron grip but remaining nearby. Emily’s eyes were sparkling, and I was having a hard time looking away from them, so she took the lead. 

“I actually had a crush on Spencer pretty much the moment I met her, but I was too afraid of what that might mean at the time to do anything about it,” Emily explained with a soft smile, causing me to jolt a little with surprise; she had never told me that. “Things were different with Alison because she pretended to reciprocate in at least some small way when we were alone together, and it felt good to have her attention, even if it was sporadic at best. It wasn’t until fairly recently that I allowed myself to think about those early feelings I had for Spencer, and realize that they never really went away. At first, I was afraid to jeopardize our friendship, but when I found out she felt the same way, there was no way I could keep any amount of distance between us anymore.”

“You really had a crush on me back then?” I asked quietly, not quite able to believe it.

I had always thought that Emily was absolutely gorgeous, and I had been incredibly protective of her when Ali was around, but my feelings in the romantic sense hadn’t really made themselves known until recently. It made me a little sad to realize that she had been carrying hers around so long without being able to say anything about them, to me or to anyone else. 

“Of course I did. You were beautiful and strong and a genius, not to mention adorably ornery. In case you hadn’t noticed, strong, ornery women are kind of my type,” Emily teased, kissing my cheek playfully as she squeezed the hand she still held in her own. 

My cheeks flamed with a heavy blush, and I was certain my face was going to crack with how widely I was grinning at her. 

Hanna actually groaned at us. 

“Seriously, you guys cannot be this adorable all the time, or I promise you that I will puke at all the cuteness,” she admonished, trying to look serious but failing miserably as she dissolved into a fit of giggles. 

Aria still hadn’t said anything yet, and I was getting a little concerned. She wasn’t usually one to hold back her opinion. 

“Well, I didn’t exactly see this coming, but you guys seem really happy together, so I’m happy for you. I think it just threw me for a bit of a loop. With everything that’s been going on lately, I think I forgot for a moment what it felt like to be happy and in love,” Aria offered genuinely, smiling at us before Hanna waved her over and we all ended up in a group hug. 

“Okay, now that honesty hour is starting, we have something else to tell you, something that’s not quite so happy,” I explained as we all pulled away from each other, hating that I had to do it when I saw how Hanna’s face fell immediately at my words.

“It’s Ali-related, isn’t it?” She stated more than questioned, walking back over to Caleb and burrowing into his side as she spoke. 

“Unfortunately, yes,” Emily continued for me when my words caught in my throat, her arm coming up to encircle my shoulders protectively. “We found out this morning that it was Ali who talked to the police; she’s the one who implicated Spencer.”

Em was practically growling as she spoke. No one looked all that surprised at the information though, and I think that frightened me more than anything. We had finally arrived at the point where we expected the worst, and we usually got it. 

“But, why? I mean, we all know she’s a crazy bitch, but why do this specifically? And why now?” Aria inquired, looking back and forth between Emily and me like we held all the answers in the world and she needed them like she needed oxygen to breathe. 

“She found out about my feelings for Emily a while back, and she started getting even more possessive than usual. Alison blames me for Em wanting nothing to do with her, and pointing the finger at me for Bethany’s murder was her revenge. At least, that’s what we got from the text she sent us earlier today,” I explained carefully, not certain how much detail I wanted to get into about everything Alison had said to me about Emily and my relationship recently. 

I hadn’t shared the specifics with Em yet, and I felt like she deserved to hear them first. 

“That is so fucked up,” Hanna stated derisively, her face twisting up into a snarl as she thought about Alison. 

“Isn’t it? I was entirely prepared to go beat the shit out of her when I found out, but Spencer made me promise we would talk to you guys first,” Em added petulantly, causing me to smack her lightly on the arm in admonishment. 

And she said I was the ornery one. 

“I’m down for that, let’s go!” Hanna agreed with a slightly bloodthirsty excitement, turning abruptly to walk out the door before she was forcibly held back from leaving by Caleb. 

Everyone started arguing then, and I could only make out a few words here and there as the din increased to almost unbearable levels. I wanted nothing more than to clap my hands over my ears and shut out the world. Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option. It never had been. 

“Guys, stop it!” I yelled finally, surprising everyone into silence more than anything. “It’s pretty obvious that things are getting out of control with our A problem, and Alison isn’t much better, but beating her up or scaring her is not going to solve anything. If nothing else, it would probably just egg her on. And if she is A, it could spell pretty terrible consequences for us down the road. People are dying, for god’s sake, and we’re squabbling about whether or not we should go slap our ex-best friend for a text message she sent. What is happening right now is way beyond our ability to handle on our own, you guys have to know that by now.”

There was a lot of silent blinking that followed my words, and the girls all looked a little ashamed of themselves given our circumstances. 

“So, what should we do?” Em asked quietly, not looking me in the eye. 

“We need to tell someone,” I stated firmly, wanting to leave no room for argument.

I should have known better than that. 

The room erupted into chaos once more. Aria and Hanna were yelling about how we had already ruled that out as an option, given what had happened to other people who found out about A. I think Caleb was trying to agree with me, but his voice got lost behind my friends’ screaming. Ezra was trying to calm everyone down, but his own yelling only added to the intensity of the situation. Emily, on the other hand, just looked thoughtful, staring off across the room as she pondered my words. 

A loud whistling sound broke through the cacophony of sound, and everyone quieted down immediately. Ezra nodded to Emily, who actually had her hand raised in the air as if waiting to be called on by the teacher. I almost had to laugh as she glared around the room expectantly before speaking. 

“Spencer is right, you guys. This has gotten way beyond our control. It is time for us to ask for help.”

Her voice was calm; her back completely straight. She looked confident and in complete control of herself. And I loved every second of it. 

“And who exactly do you suggest we tell? The cops who savagely arrested Spencer while we were out for coffee, throwing her around even when she didn’t resist? The same ones that have been after us for years? Or maybe another psychologist? After all, that one turned out so well for her,” Hanna groused, looking beyond pissed off. 

I understood how upset she was, but I refused to let that sway me. If I was going to make things better for her, for all of us, then I needed to move forward with my plan. 

“We may eventually have to talk to the police, unfortunately, but that’s not who I was thinking about… Guys, I think we should talk to our moms about what has been going on. They’re all sitting in the kitchen right now, trying to figure out what to do about my charges and how to handle what happened with Mona. My mom already suspects that Alison had something to do with my arrest, and Emily’s mom is about ready to lock her away in a tower with all the terrible shit that’s going down, not to mention she hates Alison and suspected her of lying from the very moment she got back to Rosewood. If there’s anyone who can protect us from A, it’s the group of women powwowing in my house right now, and we all know it,” I explained quickly, speaking over the protests from the other girls until I was finished. 

Aria was shaking her head back and forth like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Hanna actually facepalmed herself and sighed in exasperation. Emily was thinking again, but it looked like her thought process was not headed to agreement. Caleb was actually the one who stepped in to back me up. 

“Spencer is right,” he stated firmly, silently pleading with Hanna to allow him to speak before continuing. “You all have been trying to go this alone for so long that you can’t see any other way, but bringing Ezra and Toby and Paige and me in on the secret has helped, even if it hasn’t solved the problem completely. Can you imagine how much help one of the most prominent lawyers on the eastern seaboard, a military wife with contacts in the Rosewood Police Department, a very well respected teacher and community leader, and the badassery that is Ashley Marin could be right now? These are not poor, helpless people that A would be able to easily manipulate and toss aside. Your moms are some of the strongest, most protective, most obstinate people I have ever met. They can handle this if you’re just willing to trust them.”

Everyone was silent for a moment, trying to process what Caleb had thrown at them. 

“I’ve spent the last three years of my life trying to protect my mom, and now you want me to just give up?” Aria asked quietly, staring me directly in the eye as she spoke. 

Her sincerity had me close to tears. I knew very well just how hard Aria had fought to keep her family together, and I felt for what she had experienced, especially given the tenuous nature of my parents’ marriage at the time. Still, there was one thing that we had all seemed to forget over the years that I felt compelled to remind her of. 

“I know how hard this is going to be, Aria, believe me, I do,” I acquiesced, stepping forward to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “But we have all been operating under the premise that we have to protect our parents, and it’s actually the other way around. Our parents are there to protect and guide us, and I think it’s about damn time that we accept that and that we rely on it. We don’t have to be alone in this. Not anymore.”

“My mom has been through enough, Spencer. I’m not about to knowingly put her on A’s hit list,” Hanna argued stubbornly, crossing her arms in front of her chest and glaring daggers at me. 

I had to make her understand. 

“Hanna, your mom is already on A’s hit list. All of our moms are on A’s hit list. Everyone we know and love is on A’s hit list. We all know by now that no one is off-limits. At least if we tell them, they’ll know what they’re up against, and maybe, if we all work together, we can actually beat A, or at least fight back to some extent,” I explained desperately. 

No one seemed able to refute my claim, and I started to hope. 

“I’m with Spencer. We should tell them. As long as we are targets, so are they, and we’ll all be safer if we’re all on the same page,” Emily acquiesced finally, looking supremely unhappy with the decision, but accepting it because she knew it was the right thing to do. 

“How do we even go about doing that? So much has happened over the past few years, a lot of which we either aren’t clear on or have no proof of. Where do we even start, and exactly how much do we share? We’ve all done things we’re ashamed of over the years, and we’ve definitely all broken the law at one point or another. Are we seriously talking about sharing every gory detail of this A debacle with our mothers?” Aria demanded, her eyes wide as she probably pondered the idea of revealing to her mother that she had killed someone in order to protect the rest of us. 

“We can’t leave anything out. There wouldn’t be much point, anyway. A has evidence of everything and I have no doubt that once our moms know even a little, A will have no problem telling them about every single one of our misdeeds,” Emily asserted, Hanna nodding along with her as she spoke. 

Aria still looked wary, but a lot more convinced than she had earlier. 

“Okay, fine, but let me tell them about Ezra and Shauna. I don’t want my mom hearing about that from anyone but me,” the petite brunette stated with authority, her hands on her hips. 

“Why don’t you tell the story for the most part, Ar? You’re the writer of the group after all… We can all jump in when necessary to add info or clarify something, but you’ll be in control for the most part. If you need one of us to take over for a bit, you just have to say so, and we can jump in when we feel the need to explain some of our own situations, like I’ll take Wilden and Em will want to talk about Maya and Spencer will want to explain Radley, etc,” Hanna proposed, excitedly looking around the room at all of us, appearing very proud of having come up with such a brilliant solution. 

Aria agreed and we spent the next hour or so agreeing on the parts of our history with A that each of us wanted to have control over. Emily spent the whole time clinging tightly to my hand, and I was beyond glad for the extra support, because I was actually shaking with how nervous I was about what we were about to do. Just because it was my idea didn’t mean I wasn’t absolutely terrified of the consequences it could create for all of us. There was a lot that would be coming to light soon that I had absolutely no desire to share with anyone, let alone my mother and the mothers of my three best friends, but we didn’t really have much of a choice. 

Rather, we didn’t have a better choice. 

I would much rather have lived the rest of my life ashamed and embarrassed than allow Emily or the other girls to be hurt again. Or worse. 

“Okay, I think we all need a few minutes to emotionally prepare ourselves for what is about to happen, I know I do at the very least,” I offered, an edge of exhaustion apparent in my voice as I moved to slump down on one of the many couches in the room. 

“Twenty minutes, then we’re going in, otherwise I’ll lose my nerve,” Aria added, wrapping her arms so tightly around Ezra that I worried for a moment about whether or not he was able to breathe. 

Hanna just nodded, sitting silently and not once letting go of Caleb’s hand. 

“It’s going to be okay, Spencer, we’re going to get through this,” Em stated quietly, with a conviction that was rather new to her. 

“I appreciate the sentiment, Em, but there’s no possible way for you to know that,” I contended, my voice empty of emotion as I looked down at my hands, which had begun twisting together in my lap, following along to the beat of my fluttering heart. 

One of Emily’s hands moved to cover both of mine while the other reached up to gently grasp my chin, turning my head so I was facing her. Her eyes were soft as she looked at me, and they glanced down at my lips rapidly before meeting my own once more. I was completely powerless to stop my tongue from reaching out to moisten what had been the object of her attention only seconds before. Emily gulped visibly, but she almost immediately shook herself out of it, looking more determined than ever. 

“I do know it, Spencer,” she stated, that conviction returning full force, her hand moving from my chin up to cup my cheek, holding with just enough pressure that I couldn’t look away. “I know it because we have each other, and we have Hanna and Aria, and our mothers won’t turn their backs on us, no matter how upset they may be. No matter what happens, no one could tear you away from me now, I’m not letting go unless you ask me to, and that’s why I know we’re going to get through this. We’ll get through this because we have each other, just like we always have before.”

Unable to hold back anymore, I surged forward and covered Emily’s lips with my own for the first time. If she was surprised, I couldn’t tell. Her lips started moving in response to my own immediately, and my mind went blank as joy engulfed me like a tidal wave. We moved together in almost perfect sync once we found our rhythm, and I became bolder when I felt her hand grip at my waist, pulling me closer. Taking her lower lip between my teeth, I nibbled lightly, my own hands moving up to take residence in her beautiful, soft hair. 

I could have died right then and there and I would have been happy. 

There was a loud clearing of someone’s throat in the background that just barely registered in my mind, and I reluctantly pulled away from Em, suddenly remembering that we had a bit of an audience. Emily giggled softly, hiding her face in my shoulder as I slowly turned toward the source of the sound. 

“So, we’re really happy you guys found each other and everything cliché like that, but I really don’t have any desire to see you two scissor on the couch right now, so could you please keep it in your pants for just a little while longer?” Hanna demanded, an imperious eyebrow raised as she did a very bad job of fighting the smirk that wanted to escape. 

“Sorry, guys,” Em groaned from where her face was still hidden, sounding adorably embarrassed by the whole thing. 

“She couldn’t help it, I’m just that irresistible,” I teased, laughing when Emily shot back from me with a smack to my arm, her eyes laughing as she glared at me playfully. 

“Hey! If I remember correctly, you’re the one who kissed me,” she teased right back, a crooked grin breaking out on her face as she too raised an eyebrow at me. 

“Oh, that’s right, you must be the irresistible one,” I joked, leaning forward with the intention of placing a chaste kiss on her lips. 

Emily had other ideas. She pressed her lips fiercely against my own, her hand landing firmly on my upper thigh, causing me to blush deeply. Her tongue swept into my mouth and I immediately surged forward, wanting to be as close as possible. 

Laughing broke out across the room, along with an exclamation of playful disgust, and it was Em who pulled away this time, not looking embarrassed at all. 

“Really, you two? Really?” Hanna scoffed with jovial exasperation, rolling her eyes dramatically. 

Caleb was trying to hide his laughter behind his hand but was failing pretty miserably. 

“As adorable as you two are, I think it’s about time we went inside, I’m already starting to get cold feet,” Aria added, dampening the mood considerably. 

We all sobered up as soon as she finished speaking, and I felt Emily’s hand squeeze my own once more in reassurance. Standing up, I looked around at my best friends before walking toward the door, pulling Emily along behind me. 

“Alright, let’s do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or storylines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	18. We’re Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily's POV

Spencer looked about ready to pass out as we stood outside her kitchen door, her breathing worryingly shallow as she squeezed my hand as though she might die if she let go. 

“Hey, hey, it’s going to be okay. I’m here, I’ve got you,” I whispered, pulling her into a brief hug before nudging her toward the door, silently encouraging her to do it quickly, hoping the whole thing would go over like ripping off a bandage. 

I had no idea how I was being so calm about everything externally. Inside, I was a raging mess of nerves and anxiety and terror, but the mask I wore was somehow impenetrable. Alison must have rubbed off on me at some point; that was not an altogether pleasant thought. 

Aria was even greener than Spence, but she was the one who finally found the fortitude to force the door inward with a bang, jumping a bit at the unexpected sound. 

Hanna actually yelped. 

Four pairs of frightened, questioning eyes turned our way, softening a bit when they realized who it was that had barged in so unceremoniously. I took a deep breath and turned to close the door again once all four of us were inside. My mom’s worried gaze was the first thing to make my mask falter, and I had to fight to steady myself against it. 

“Girls?” Mrs. Hastings inquired cautiously, glancing back and forth between us, her mind obviously running a mile a minute. “Is everything okay?”

Spencer just shook her head in response, and our mothers began to look even more worried than before. Mrs. Hastings opened her mouth to clarify but was hastily interrupted. 

“We need to talk to you all about some stuff. You may want to sit down, it’s a pretty long story,” Aria began, her hands nervously clenching and unclenching at her sides, unable to look anyone in the eye.

“Aria?” Mrs. Montgomery inquired softly, moving toward her daughter and gripping Aria’s shoulders reassuringly as she stood before her. “What’s going on sweetheart?”

Aria just stared at her mother, momentarily struck dumb by the emotion in the older woman’s voice. 

“We haven’t exactly been completely honest with you guys about… well about a lot of things over the past few years,” Spencer offered quietly, still clinging to me like I was a life raft. “We’re ready to be honest with you now though if that’s okay…”

She was so unsure of herself, and I couldn’t help but pull her tightly into my side, running my free hand soothingly up and down her back. My mom looked very confused as she glanced between the two of us, but I swear there was a hint of a smile on Mrs. Hastings’s face as she looked at us, and I found it oddly reassuring that she seemed to approve of Spencer and I being together. 

“Okay, well, why don’t we all go sit down in the living room? You all can tell us whatever you need whenever you feel ready. We’re not going anywhere,” Spencer’s mom reassured us, motioning for the other three women to follow her into the next room. 

The four of us followed them, not really left with any other choice. Aria started pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace, causing looks of mild panic on the mothers’ faces as they waited. Hanna perched delicately on the arm of the chair her mom had chosen to sit in, and Mrs. Marin took her daughter’s hands in her own in a show of love and support. Spencer and I sat together on the raised stone ledge in front of the fireplace, still refusing to let our hands separate. 

Some kind of realization seemed to dawn on my mom at that moment, and I tried to smile at her reassuringly. Thankfully, I received a small smile and nod in return. The last thing I needed in that moment was to have my mom disapprove of my relationship with Spencer. 

It took a few minutes, but Aria finally managed to calm down enough to start us off. She talked about how screwed up all of our relationships with Ali had been and went into specifics about Ali’s role in what happened between Aria and her dad before their family went to Iceland. Hanna talked about her eating disorder and her friendship with Mona after Ali’s disappearance. Spencer came clean about everything that had happened with Ian and her argument with Ali the night the latter disappeared. After a very deep breath, I haltingly managed to describe Ali and my damaging relationship before her disappearance and exactly how I had felt about her. 

We had to tag-team the “Jenna thing” because we were all terrified of the fall-out that could come from admitting to something so obviously messed up. 

There was silence for a good five to ten minutes. 

“Keep going, girls. We can discuss everything once it’s all out in the open,” Mrs. Hastings offered, her voice calm and even, though her wide eyes gave away just how surprised she was by the whole situation. 

Aria took up most of the storytelling after that, at least for the portion of time that covered Mona’s reign of terror, from Aria’s family returning from Iceland to Mona getting sent to Radley. There was a lot to that period of time that our moms were unaware of but less so than what had happened after, so we tried to keep the explanation brief in order to get to the more recent perils. Mrs. Marin looked like she was on the verge of tears when she realized that the story kept going after that. 

Hanna spoke with pride about Caleb insisting on helping us. I had to fight off tears as I explained what happened with Nate and the fallout from that night. Spencer barely held it together as she discussed what happened with Toby joining the A team and the reason she had ended up in Radley. Aria still radiated with an undercurrent of anger as she explained how Ezra had been following us all around in order to write his book about Alison, at which point Mrs. Montgomery looked ready to murder someone. 

My head was beginning to hurt from all the emotions flying around the room. 

“We thought that it was all over after New York,” Aria admitted, hyperventilating through her discussion of what happened with Shauna before passing the story to the rest of us. 

Spencer took it up for her, and there were fewer interruptions as the story wound down to the present day. A few things were glossed over, like Hanna’s drinking and Spencer’s pills and my confused feelings for Alison; mentioned but not detailed to any great extent. We were just trying to get all the facts out by that point. We needed to keep straight what we knew Ali was responsible for and what A had taken credit for after Alison’s return. 

Finally, over two hours later, the tale had been shared and we were silent. 

So were our mothers. 

“We know it’s a lot to take in, but, after what happened to Mona, we just didn’t know what to do anymore,” Spencer offered carefully, trying to gauge the feeling in the room after the enormous information dump we had just taken part in. 

“Does this A person have anything to do with why you were arrested?” Mrs. Hastings asked, focusing entirely on her daughter as she spoke, her first priority keeping Spencer safe in the immediate future. 

“That was actually Ali,” my best friend admitted, looking a little sheepish as she clarified. “She’s weirdly possessive of Emily, and she blamed me when Em refused to follow her blindly into whatever she has planned next. Going to the cops and pointing the finger at me was her version of a screw you.”

Mrs. Hastings and my mom shared a brief look that I couldn’t read, and I was suddenly even more nervous than I had been before. 

“And now that you two are together, are you expecting more backlash from her? Can you think of anything else she might do to try to hurt or separate you?” My mom asked gently, glancing back and forth between Spencer and me and looking supremely concerned. 

“Honestly, we have no idea. I mean, as you now know from what we’ve told you, our past with Ali has always been rather tumultuous, but I didn’t foresee her going this far. We have discussed the possibility that she could be A, or at least in league with A, but we’re struggling with the why,” Spencer explained, her hand squeezing my own tightly in support as she spoke. 

“Ali has been a lot of things throughout our friendship: vindictive, manipulative, arrogant, selfish, and oftentimes downright mean. But I’ve seen other parts of her too, I’ve seen her be sweet and loving and frightened and confused. She may have her faults, and I honestly want to maim her for what she has done to Spencer, but I also don’t believe for a second that she had anything to do with her own mother’s murder or her brother being pushed down an elevator shaft. Even if she were involved with A, I can’t imagine she could be in very deep, otherwise she might have been able to stop those things from happening,” I offered quietly, not wanting to defend Alison, but knowing that our mothers needed all the facts if they were going to help us. 

“I agree with Emily,” Aria added just as quietly, shrinking a little under the intensity of Spencer’s stare. “Ali has done a lot of terrible things to us over the years, but she’s also done some really amazing things like saving Emily from dying in that barn and pulling us out of a burning building. Pointing the finger at Spencer was her usual vindictive and emotionally impulsive move, but threatening our lives has never really been her style, and that’s what A does on an almost daily basis.”

The moms looked confused; confused and a little angry. 

“After everything that bitch has done, you guys are still willing to stand up for her? That’s such bullshit! Spencer could go to jail because of her! She broke apart your family, Aria! And, Em, really? This is the psycho chick that ripped your heart out, played with it like it was a fucking toy, and then destroyed it over and over again! Are you fucking kidding me?” Hanna demanded, practically shaking with rage as she stared incredulously back and forth between Aria and me. 

Mrs. Marin kept a tight hold on her daughter’s waist; apparently worried she was about to go on some kind of rampage. 

I certainly wanted to go on a rampage myself. No one needed to remind me about what Alison had done to me over the years, what I had done to myself for her, and I was about to explain that to Hanna very loudly before Mrs. Montgomery interrupted me with a calm, controlled voice. 

“Byron was the one responsible for breaking apart our family, Hanna, not Alison. Do I approve of the way she handled the situation or the threats she made? Absolutely not. Regardless, none of us would have been in that situation if Byron had not cheated in the first place. So although I agree that Alison can be a dangerous, manipulative person, I think it would be wise for us not to attribute more power to Alison DiLaurentis than she actually has, especially given the current situation.”

Aria grasped her mother’s hand tightly as the latter finished speaking, admiration and gratitude shining in her eyes. 

I took a deep breath. I wanted to take a page from Mrs. Montgomery’s book in addressing my blonde friend, who was stubbornly glaring everywhere except at me, obviously a little embarrassed after receiving a famous Mrs. Montgomery talking-to. 

“Believe me, Hanna, no one knows the depth of pain that Alison can inflict better than I do. I will never be able to forget how it felt to be used and tossed aside like yesterday’s garbage, and I am in no way sitting here and saying that Ali is a good person or friend. All I am saying is that I don’t think she is Big A and that we need to figure out who that is because our lives could depend on not rushing to conclusions yet again,” I explained somberly, holding back the tears threatening to spill with every ounce of strength that I had left. 

“Whatever, I still think the bitch is involved,” Hanna groused, crossing her arms over her chest defensively as she still refused to look anyone in the eye. 

Spencer wrapped an arm around my shoulders protectively, and my mom sent a small, encouraging smile our way, no doubt appreciative that Spencer was supporting me. 

“I’m with Hanna in that I don’t think we should rule Alison out completely,” Spencer offered almost apologetically as she tightened her hold on me. “There is a lot she hasn’t shared with us yet, and after she sent the cops after me I don’t trust her not to do something crazy and dangerous. But I also agree with Aria and Emily, there is a good chance that Ali isn’t Big A, and we need to keep our options and eyes open if we ever want to end this for good.”

Hanna grudgingly nodded her head in silent agreement, while I placed a chaste kiss on Spencer’s cheek in thanks. Her ability to remain rational in the midst of all the chaos was inexplicably comforting to me. 

My mom, along with Hanna and Aria’s, still looked entirely stunned. Mrs. Hastings appeared thoughtful for just a moment before that familiar Hastings determination glinted in her eye. I had seen that look on Spencer’s face enough times to be a little nervous about what it meant this time. 

“We should keep this to ourselves for the time being. There is no way for us to know whom to trust yet, and I don’t want to make the mistake of telling the wrong person the wrong information and endangering all of our lives even more. This includes family members. I will not speak of this with Peter or Melissa, and I hope I can count on the rest of you to maintain the same level of discretion. Girls, other than Alison, who else in your lives knows the full extent of what’s going on?” Spencer’s mom demanded, looking at all of us before focusing on Spencer. 

“Just Toby, Caleb, Paige and Ezra. They have all helped us in one way or another throughout all of this, so we think that A has them on his or her hit list as it is. I suppose Mike might know quite a bit just because he was dating Mona, but no one else really knows anything of consequence except what Melissa told me before she left,” Spencer explained carefully. 

Mrs. Montgomery’s face darkened dangerously at the mention of Ezra’s name, and Aria visibly flinched at the sight of it. That situation promised to get interesting at some point in the near future. 

“Ella, I’ll leave the Mike situation up to you. If he already knows enough to be in danger, I have no problem bringing him in on this so that we can protect him, but you and Aria are going to have to do whatever you feel is right to figure that out,” Mrs. Hastings stated with authority, earning an acquiescent nod from Aria’s mother before turning toward my own. “Pam, I know you probably want to tell Wayne about this, but talking over the phone may not be safe. Are you okay waiting until his next leave from Texas to give him all the details?”

My mom looked pensive for a moment, and I was afraid she might disagree, but she finally just nodded her head, maintaining her very uncharacteristic silence. Mrs. Hastings turned to Mrs. Marin then, but Hanna’s mom was already addressing the topic at hand. 

“There’s no reason for Hanna’s father to get involved in this. The two of us have survived this long without his help, and, unless Hanna thinks otherwise, we will continue to do so. There’s no one else in our lives that I feel the need to inform about any of this at present, so don’t worry about us.”

Hanna squeezed her mom’s hand tightly, and Mrs. Marin smiled at her, proud. It was comforting to see such a subtle, yet powerful display of love in that moment. It gave me hope that we might actually make it through whatever A was going to throw at us next. 

“Okay, good, now that that’s settled, I’m assuming you girls have some kind of evidence of all of these things that have happened? Notes that A has sent you? Text messages? Emails? Anything really that the four of us can look at to try and get a better understanding of this A person and what he or she wants from you four?” Mrs. Hastings questioned without pause, her lawyer persona settling over her daily mom personality without a hitch. 

It was easy to see why Spencer was so good at brushing aside the bullshit and getting straight down to business. She came by it honestly. 

“I think we’ve all tried to save as much as we could, but A has stolen some things back and erased texts and stuff like that, so we don’t have too much physical evidence, but definitely some,” Aria responded, immediately reaching for her phone. 

“We’ll get to all that tomorrow, it’s getting late and I would like for the four of us mothers to be able to have a conversation on our own before we all try to get some rest. Send me what you can from the devices you have on you tonight, and we can figure out the rest tomorrow. Why don’t you all go upstairs and get some rest for now? You’ll be safe here tonight, we will make certain of that,” Spencer’s mom replied, moving to hug her daughter tightly before ushering her up the stairs. 

The rest of us had no choice but to agree, so we hugged our respective mothers and said goodnight before congregating in Spencer’s bedroom and leaving the adults downstairs to their discussion. 

“Well that went a lot better than I could have anticipated,” Aria muttered with a sigh as she threw herself down on the bed next to Spencer, who was sitting cross-legged as she stared absently off into the distance. 

“Somehow I don’t think it’s over just yet,” Hanna snarked in response, huffing dramatically as she plopped down on the window seat. “They’re processing everything right now, but I have no doubt that they’ll be reading us the rebel act in the morning.”

“Riot,” Spencer practically whispered, still not fully paying attention. 

“What?” Hanna demanded, already rolling her eyes before Spencer even replied. 

“The saying is “read us the  riot act” not “rebel”,” my best friend informed her, apparently missing Hanna’s look of utter and complete exasperation. 

“Whatever! Who cares? You knew what I fucking meant! Are we really focusing on semantics right now, Spencer?” Hanna almost yelled, throwing a pillow that hit Spencer squarely in the face, finally knocking the latter out of her stupor. 

Spencer blinked a couple of times before her eyes finally came into focus, looking contrite as soon as she was back with us again. 

“Sorry, Han,” she responded apologetically, turning so she could face all of us as she continued to speak. “I’m sure they’ll be pretty pissed at breakfast once they realize just how much we’ve kept from them for all this time, not to mention how crazy and dangerous it has all been. But the point of us sharing all this was not to make them happy, it was so they could help us, and we all know that regardless of how pissed they are at us, there is not a chance in hell they are going to let us face-off with A on our own.”

Nodding my agreement, I moved from my post against the door jam to the space left next to Spencer on the bed. Reaching up, I brushed back a piece of her hair and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, grinning like an idiot when she gripped my chin and pulled me in for another, this one on the lips and definitely not at all chaste. The clearing of someone’s throat caused me to pull away slowly, blinking my eyes a few times to try and regain my focus. 

“So not the time, lovebirds. Save the gross lovey-dovey shit for when Aria and I are not in the room,” Hanna griped, her tone offset by the small grin that curved the corners of her mouth.

Spencer and I chuckled, and Spence pulled me in for another kiss just to give Hanna a hard time, and I shook my head at her with exasperated affection as I pulled away once more, turning back to our friends. 

“Sorry guys,” I grinned, not really sorry at all. “Spencer is right though, we’ve got four of the strongest people we know backing us up and working toward some kind of solution now. Even if they are pissed, we’re in a safer position now than we were a couple of hours ago.”

I had curled around Spencer as I spoke, and all of a sudden there was a loud shattering sound that caused us both to jerk backward. Something whizzed rapidly past, directly in front of us, and Hanna screamed somewhere off to my right. 

Everything was chaos for a few seconds, and I couldn’t get my brain to function. 

It took me way longer than it should have to realize that the shattering sound had been the window Hanna was sitting next to breaking into a million tiny pieces. Hanna had fallen to the ground upon impact, scraped up by the glass but not appearing seriously injured, and Aria rushed to her side immediately. I could hear feet thundering up the stairs as I looked to my left, finally figuring out what had broken the window. 

An arrow was embedded deep in Spencer’s bedroom door, a note attached to the end. 

My eyes immediately searched out my best friend’s, and hers were wide with fear. 

“Em?” She called uncertainly, my eyes suddenly drawn to the hand she had clamped down tightly on her own neck. 

“Oh my god, Spencer,” I yelped, reaching out to help her apply pressure before my hand was gently brushed away. 

“It’s okay, it just grazed me, I’m okay,” she reassured me, bringing her non-bloody hand up to my cheek and pulling me in for a brief, chaste kiss before leaning forward until our foreheads met gently. “We’re okay.”

“Speak for yourself, Spencer. Some of us are not okay. Some of us are in freaking pain because some maniac decided to shoot an arrow through your freaking bedroom window. I mean, seriously, what kind of Game of Thrones bullshit is this?” Hanna argued weakly, wincing often as Aria did her best to help our blonde friend up off the floor. 

“Girls? What happened? Are you alright?” Four voices chorused before Spencer’s door banged open and all of our mothers tumbled into the room. 

“Dear god, what the hell happened in here?” Mrs. Hastings demanded, her eyes flitting from Spencer’s neck to Hanna’s scrapes to the very broken window. 

Spence just motioned toward her bedroom door without disconnecting from me, causing Mrs. Hastings to shut it quickly and immediately spot the arrow sticking out of it. Reaching out hesitantly, she slid the note off the arrow and unfolded it carefully, taking a deep breath before reading it aloud for all of us to hear.

_You broke the rules, bitches._

_You should know, adding 4 more liars to the game isn’t going to make things easier._

_You may have upped the ante, but now I’m the one who gets to up the stakes._

_Enjoy your mommies while you still have them._

_Kisses,_

_A_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or storylines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	19. It’s You and Me, Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer's POV

“We need to call the police,” Mrs. Fields argued as she and the other moms ushered the four of us out of my newly trashed bedroom, her voice determined and harboring that oft-invisible strength that I saw so much of in Emily. 

My neck was throbbing as my mom motioned for all of us to sit in the hallway, away from any windows that could put us in danger all over again. Emily gently helped me sit against the wall, but as soon as she was certain I was settled she was up on her feet again, moving back toward the room we had just left. With the extreme pain I was still in, I was having a hard time understanding exactly what was happening, but I was about to call out to her regardless when my mom stepped in front of her, blocking her path. 

“Where do you think you’re going, Emily?” My mom demanded, crossing her arms over her chest and looking more than a little intimidating. 

“Spencer is bleeding pretty badly, both she and Hanna need to have their wounds dressed. I know that Spence has a first aid kit under her sink in her bathroom, so I’m going to get it,” my best friend stated firmly, managing to look almost as intimidating as my mother, which was a pretty impressive feat. 

I couldn’t help but chuckle and glare at her at the same time. 

“Em, as much as I appreciate your willingness to get shot with an arrow for me, there’s really no need. We have a first aid kit in every bathroom in the house, and the window in the one right there is very small and very blurry, so I doubt anyone would get injured grabbing it,” I explained hoarsely, still grasping the wound on my neck tightly as I motioned toward the door almost directly across the hall from where I was sitting. 

My mom continued to stare imperiously at Emily before waving her back toward me, and my best friend followed her direction a little sulkily, sliding down to the floor next to me and pestering me about my neck. My mom carefully opened the door to the guest bathroom, and rummaged around for the first aid kit, taking every precaution she possibly could against meeting another arrow from A. 

After the seventh question about my neck, my amusement ran out and I got upset again, turning on Em so quickly that she actually jumped. 

“You’re not allowed to do that,” I stated angrily, my fear and my pain combining to make my voice much harsher than I had intended it to be. 

“Spence,” she started, recovering from her shock and obviously wanting to placate me. 

“No, don’t you Spence me, not after doing that. You can’t just wander around putting yourself in dangerous situations. Seriously, Emily, if you had walked back into that room you could have been killed! Then what would I do? I JUST found my way to you, Emily. Do you know what losing you now would do to me? It would kill me! I can’t lose you, Em. Don’t you understand that? I can’t lose you!”

By that point, I was sobbing so hard that I couldn’t even speak anymore. Suddenly embarrassed about having such an insane outburst in front of everyone, I tried my best to cover my face with my one free hand, unable to hide behind my knees because of the wound still seeping blood on my neck. 

“Hey, hey, shhh, I’m right here, Spencer. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry, babe, I’m so sorry for scaring you, but I’m okay. We’re going to be okay,” Emily cooed quietly, pulling my hand from over my eyes and placing one of her own on my cheek. “I love you, Spencer, and I won’t leave you. I won’t ever leave you.”

Leaning forward, I gently captured her lips with my own, needing the closeness to reassure me. Emily returned the contact just as softly, pulling away a moment later, just enough so that we could stare into each other’s eyes. 

“I love you so much,” I whispered, tears still running slowly down my cheeks. 

“Yes, good, we know you two are ridiculously in love, but could you be ridiculously in love with just a little bit more space between you, please? I would really like to patch up Spencer’s neck,” Mrs. Montgomery chuckled quietly, brandishing the first aid kit in front of her like a broom and scooting Emily to the side playfully. 

Em grinned good-naturedly at Aria’s mom before getting up and moving to my other side, just as unwilling to separate from me as I was to move away from her. Mrs. Montgomery took her new position as nurse very seriously while the other moms whispered back and forth to each other a little further down the hallway. After only a few minutes, I had three butterfly stitches, an exorbitant amount of gauze, and paper tape covering the wound that had been made by A’s arrow. Emily had not let go of my hand for a single second while I was attended to, and as soon as Aria’s mom was finished I leaned heavily into my best friend’s side. 

“Do you need any painkillers, Spencer? I think Hanna stole most of them already, but there are one or two left if you think you need them,” Mrs. Montgomery offered kindly, sending an amused glare at Hanna before turning back to Emily and me. 

“I think I’ll be okay for now, thank you, Mrs. Montgomery,” I offered with a small smile, looking over at Hanna and rolling my eyes dramatically when I saw that she had pretend-fainted from “the pain” at Mrs. Montgomery’s comment. 

We were all terrified, but I think every single one of us was in a bit of shock as well because everything seemed equal parts horrific and hilarious. 

“You sure you don’t need anything for the pain, Spence? That gash looked pretty serious,” Em questioned as Mrs. Montgomery moved back to the group of moms, sounding exhausted and concerned as she gently ran her fingers around the edges of my bandage. 

I just nodded and snuggled further into her side, motioning for Hanna and Aria to come join us. Aria just nodded back and helped Hanna slowly to her feet before the two of them moved to sit beside us, Hanna snuggling into Emily’s other side while Aria scooted up next to me as cautiously as she could. We sat for a while in silence, allowing the cadence of our mothers’ voices calm our racing hearts just a tiny bit. 

It was nice not to be in charge of making the decisions for a little while. 

“Do you think that bitch was trying to kill one of us?” Hanna asked softly, the fear and anger making her syllables blunt and harsh. 

The pain in my neck had made my head foggy, so Emily beat me to answering the question, practically reading my mind as she did so. 

“If A had wanted to kill one of us tonight, that person would already be dead. We all know that A doesn’t make mistakes, and certainly not mistakes as big as missing an intended target. So we have to work off the assumption that A intended for things to happen exactly as they did, including the fact that only you and Spencer were harmed,” Em explained, her voice vibrating with fury. 

My best friend didn’t even seem scared anymore; she just seemed pissed the fuck off. Her whole body was trembling, as though she were ready to spring into action and kick the ever-living shit out of someone, and I felt a little guilty for finding the tone of her voice ridiculously sexy in that moment. 

“Well, at least we know for sure that Alison isn’t A now. They’re both fucking psychopaths, but they’re two different psychopaths,” Hanna pointed out in response, sighing heavily with a hint of exasperation. 

“And how do we know that, exactly?” Aria inquired, sounding a little lost as she tried to put the pieces together. 

Hanna sighed again, this time with annoyance, and I almost had to laugh at how frustrated she was with our apparent stupidity. 

“Do you guys really think that Ali would be dumb enough to shoot an A message into Spencer’s room from her own roof? Do you really think that she is capable of having that good of aim? When exactly would she have had time to practice ninja skills while she was on the run?”

The tone of Hanna’s voice made it clear that these things were very obvious and we were being pretty dumb for not having caught onto them. I actually did feel a little dumb, and I hated it. 

“I think you’ve broken Spencer,” Aria laughed lightly, nudging my shoulder gently and causing me to realize that my eyes had widened in surprise as Hanna explained her observations. 

“It’s okay, Spence. We know you would have been the one explaining all of this to us had you not been shot with an arrow,” Emily teased, squeezing me a little tighter to her side and jumping a little as I placed a soft kiss on the collar bone my cheek had been resting against. 

“Hey! I got shot too!” Hanna exclaimed with a pout, pointing out all her wounds to us as if to validate her claim to injury. 

I was about to reply, but I caught movement down the hall out of the corner of my eye and turned to see our mothers headed toward us, very serious expressions on their faces. 

“So, what’s our next move?” I asked warily, not sure the girls and I were going to like the answer. 

“We have no choice but to call the police,” my mom responded, holding a hand up to silence us as we tried to protest. “All four of us are very aware that the Rosewood Police Department is not the most trustworthy of institutions, and we must be very careful with what we share with them. However, we also know that there is a madman somewhere out there that is shooting arrows at you girls. We have no idea whether or not that person is still out there lurking, just waiting for one of you to give them a clean shot by walking into the wrong room. 

So, we will call the police and have them clear the area, as well as post officers outside the house. All eight of us will remain here tonight, and we will figure out what to do tomorrow when it gets here. If you all think it’s necessary, I would also say that you should reach out to anyone you think could be in danger. They are free to come here for tonight if they need to, to stay safe.”

Hanna immediately called Caleb and Aria was speaking with Ezra as soon as she had finished texting Mike. Emily texted Paige, knowing she probably wouldn’t pick up a call, and I did the same with Toby. My mom had the police at our house in a matter of minutes. 

The first order of business was a search of the surrounding properties, a job that required Rosewood PD to wake up the DiLaurentis house, along with a number of our other neighbors. As soon as the area was clear, the cops spent a few hours questioning us, but the Mothers Four would only allow so much before shooing them away so we could get some rest, promising Lieutenant Tanner that we would all head down to the station the following day. 

As my mom requested, officers were stationed at every entrance to our house, and a pair was patrolling the woods behind the house as well. Caleb had arrived only a few minutes after Hanna called him, and was hunkered down with us in the barely used formal sitting area because it had the fewest windows in the house. Mrs. Montgomery had spoken with Mr. Montgomery and Mike, and let us know they were safely out of town. Aria had already gotten word from Ezra that he was okay as well, and that he, Toby and Paige were staying at Toby’s apartment that night. 

It seemed like things were finally calming down when Emily’s phone pinged loudly, causing all of us to jump. 

“Sorry,” she murmured, shaking a little as she pulled the phone out of her pocket and opened the message. 

I was about to ask her what it was when she handed the phone over to me, allowing me to see the screen myself. 

From: Alison DiLaurentis

I know you probably won’t believe me, but I want you to know that I had nothing to do with what happened tonight. 

I knew Spencer would be able to get out of the charges, but I’m still sorry for getting her into trouble. I was mad, but I never meant for things to go so far. 

You deserve to know that what I said the other night was true. I do have feelings for you, Emily, but I will try not to selfishly hang on if I’m not the one you want anymore. 

I hope you and the girls are okay. 

If there’s anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to tell me. 

Be safe. 

There was a sudden sense of dread weighing heavy in my stomach. Ali’s words seemed genuine, and we had already decided that she couldn’t be A, which meant she might not even be our enemy anymore. It also meant that Emily might forgive her, forgive her for everything, and I was selfishly terrified of what that might mean for me. 

I silently handed the phone back to Emily, not able to look her in the eye as tears built behind my own. 

I had the sudden desire to run far, far away. 

“Emily, Spencer, what is it? Is it from A?” Mrs. Marin inquired gently, setting down the sleeping bag she had been unfurling and kneeling in front of where we sat on the loveseat. 

I just shook my head, still unable to look at anyone as Emily handed Hanna’s mom the phone. Mrs. Marin read the text and then motioned to the other mothers, silently asking Em if she could show them the text. Emily nodded and a silent show and tell commenced, followed by a sharp and seemingly angry inhale from Mrs. Fields and a glare that would frighten a great white shark from my own mother. 

“Of course, it’s practically impossible to tell from a text message, but do you think that Alison is being genuine with this message?” Mrs. Montgomery asked carefully, moving slowly toward us as if she were approaching a skittish wild animal. 

My shoulders shrugged of their own accord, and Aria’s mom turned her focus exclusively to Emily. 

“Honestly, I can’t be certain. It’s always difficult to tell whether or not Alison is lying. Still, I’m struggling to understand what she could possibly get out of this if she were being dishonest or deceitful,” Em replied, the look of confusion on her face breaking my heart a little more every second. 

My brain, cruel as it was, kept playing different scenarios of Emily leaving me for Alison on a loop, over and over and over again. As if my neck didn’t hurt enough already, my head began to pound and I was having trouble breathing. I could feel my heart practically racing out of my chest. 

I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t LOSE her. I COULDN’T lose her. 

“You mean any reason other than trying to split you and Spencer up so she could have you all to herself?” Hanna snarked, her face twisted up with disgust as she observed us from the safety of Caleb’s arms. 

That was it. I couldn’t take it anymore. 

Standing up quickly, I practically shot out of the room, ignoring Emily and my mother as they called after me. Not knowing where else to go, I threw myself into the downstairs guest bathroom, being sure to lock the door securely behind me. Finally, I could cry. 

Sliding down the door, I plopped unceremoniously down onto the tile floor and buried my head in my knees. My position pulled painfully at the cut on my neck, but I ignored it and just started to sob harder. In no time at all, my pants were soaked through with my tears and I was no longer capable of breathing out of my nose. 

I smacked myself on the forehead, hard. 

From the very beginning of recognizing my feelings for Emily, I had known this would happen. From the very beginning, it was obvious that she deserved so much more than a crazy, broken addict; that she deserved so much better than me. I had seen it coming, and I had ignored it. I had let it happen, regardless of knowing how everything would end, because I also knew that even just a few hours with Emily Fields would be worth suffering all the heartache in the world. 

I had been right about that, too. 

There was a soft knock on the door right above where my head rested against it, but I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. 

“Spencer?” Emily called softly from the other side of the door, the soft thud that followed telling me she was resting her head against the barrier between us. “Spencer, please talk to me, babe.”

The pet name made everything hurt worse. 

I still couldn’t answer. 

“Okay, fine, I’ll do that talking,” she huffed after a few moments, sounding frustrated and sad and more than a little hurt by my silence. “I know you, Spence, and that means I know exactly where your head is at right now. You are so convinced that you’re somehow less than, and I know a lot of that comes from feeling like you haven’t lived up to your parents’ expectations and part of it is from your time in Radley, a lot of it is probably from feeling powerless against A, but none of it is true, Spencer!

You are so incredibly smart and kind and brave. The way you’re willing to sacrifice everything for the people you love is awe-inspiring. Your capacity for love is absolutely astounding. There is no one in this world that can compare to you in my eyes, Spencer, and I wish you could trust me when I tell you that. 

I know that you’re terrified I’ll leave you, that I’ll cast you aside for Alison, as though you were a second choice, but I need you to have a little faith in me. Yes, Alison has inspired feelings in me in the past, and maybe I thought I was in love with her for a while, especially while she was gone and all I had were idealized memories, but the truth is that I was in love with an illusion. Ali made sure to show me exactly what I wanted to see when she was with me. I never really knew the real Ali, and you can’t fall in love with someone that you weren’t even aware existed in the first place. 

You, on the other hand, Spence, there is nothing more real and true to me than you. I have never felt safer than when you hold me in your arms. I’ve never felt more alive than I do when your lips meet mine. I’m at home as long as I have you beside me. You know me better than anyone else in the world, and you love every part of me, even the tarnished and broken bits. And that’s exactly how I feel about you, too. 

I love you so much that it frightens me sometimes, because I’m convinced that no one could possibly be as happy as I am when I’m with you, and so it must all be a dream. I love you so much, and I’m willing to fight for you, even if that means I have to fight every single one of your insecurities and your demons and your doubts. I’m not going to leave you, Spencer. Not ever.

It’s you and me, always, remember?”

If I thought I was sobbing before her speech, I had no understanding of the term. My whole body was shaking as I stood up to face the door. It took me three tries to unlock the door with my trembling hands. Thankfully, Emily burst through the door as soon as she heard the lock click open, swallowing me up in a bear hug that I had never needed more. 

“Please, believe me, I would never leave you, please, believe me, Spencer, please,” Emily cried, her face finding its usual home in the crook of my neck as she clung tightly to me. 

I clung to her just as tightly, never wanting to let go. 

“I believe you, I believe you, Em, I do, I’m sorry, I just… I just can’t lose you. I can’t ever lose you,” I responded as soon as I could breathe again, resting against the vanity as I pulled her as close to me as humanly possible. 

“You’re not going to lose me, Spencer. I’m right here. I’ve got you now. I’m not going anywhere,” she replied with a sniffle, her tears finally seeming to stop. 

“I hate it when you cry,” I whispered softly, pulling away just a little so I could wipe away the tear tracks staining her face. 

“Ditto.”

Instead of mirroring my actions as she had my words, Emily gently cradled my face in her hands and leaned towards me. At first, I thought she was going to kiss me, and I was totally okay with that thought, but she did something that screamed Emily Fields instead. Bringing her lips first to one cheek and then the next, she took her time kissing away all of my tears, following their tracks all the way under my chin and down my throat, only stopping when she met the collar of my shirt. 

My whole body was on fire.

Unable to take it anymore without being able to touch her as well, I pulled her lips to mine, kissing her like I was drowning and she was air. Emily responded immediately, returning my kiss with fervor and pushing her whole body into my own, trapping me between the vanity and the heat that radiated off of her. 

For once in my life, all of my plans and schemes and ideas fell away, and I was completely okay with it. 

Emily’s hands slid deliciously up my sides under my shirt as her mouth migrated back down to the uninjured side of my neck. My own hands slid into her beautiful, soft hair, pulling tightly as she bit down on the skin behind my ear. 

I was ready to go so much further. Everything about Emily was intoxicating in that moment, and I wanted all of her. I wanted to give her all of me. My hands were already at the hem of her shirt, ready to get rid of it so I could have access to the forbidden skin underneath, but a loud voice froze me in my tracks. 

“Get a room!” Hanna yelled as she walked past, banging loudly on the wall of the hallway and laughing raucously. 

Emily’s hands were still just below my bra line, her fingers running across my abdomen, leaving goosebumps in their wake, and I was feeling brave. 

“We have a room, Hanna!” I shouted back with a laugh, leaning forward and kissing Emily soundly on those plush, soft lips. 

My hands migrated down her back, pushing just under the waist of her pants. Em just raised an eyebrow at me playfully, running her own fingers teasingly north of their previous position. I kissed her again, hungrily this time, not giving a single thought to who exactly was in the other room. 

“I’m covering my eyes because I have no desire to actually be witness to what is happening right now, so just let me know when I can remove my hands,” my mom stated dryly, shocking Emily and me so much that we jumped away from each other. 

Or, at least, Emily jumped away from me. I, on the other hand, jumped back straight into the vanity, biting down on my lip to keep from crying out in pain. Emily started giggling. My mother looked mortified. 

“Really girls?” She demanded testily, her eyes still covered tightly by her hands. 

“Sorry, mom, you can open your eyes, I promise, no clothing was removed or anything dastardly like that,” I offered awkwardly, my face no doubt such a deep shade of red that it looked purple. 

Emily was still giggling, leaning up against that wall across from me and looking sexy as hell. 

I needed a shower. A really cold one. Maybe an ice bath. 

“As happy as I am for you girls, and as much as I love and trust you both, we’re going to have to set some ground rules in the near future. For now, though, I think it’s time we all get some rest,” mom admonished, motioning for us to follow her into the other room where everyone else was waiting. 

Mrs. Fields was standing on the other side of the room, her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. I’m pretty sure my whole body, from the tips of my toes to the tips of my ears, turned red with the intensity of my embarrassment. Emily was still giggling quietly. I wanted to smack her. 

“Not the right room, Spence?” Hanna teased as Emily and I sat back down on the loveseat we had claimed earlier, my blonde friend’s eyes sparkling playfully right before a pillow hit her square in the face. 

“Stop teasing her, Hanna. Lord knows you wouldn’t want me to start a conversation about your relationship with certain rooms,” Emily laughed winking at Caleb and making Hanna turn just as red as me. 

“Alright, alright, I think that’s quite enough for tonight, girls. It’s time to get some sleep before we have to worry about zombie teenagers on top of everything else in this town,” Mrs. Montgomery chuckled, kissing Aria on the forehead as she said her goodnights. 

We all followed suit obediently, saying goodnight and snuggling into our blankets before my mom turned off the light. 

As soon as the lights were off, Emily pulled me half on top of her, kissing me softly before running a hand soothingly through my hair. I sighed contentedly, snuggling into her as close as possible, my left hand finding its favorite spot on her gorgeous abs and tracing patterns that made her shiver slightly. 

“Promise me something?” I requested in a whisper, half-asleep already. 

“Anything,” she replied easily, squeezing me tightly. 

“Promise me you’ll be here when I wake up.”

“I never want to wake up anywhere else as long as I live,” she whispered back, followed by the word that I hoped would never stop describing us. “Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or story lines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	20. Have A Little Faith In Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily's POV

Keeping my hands off of Spencer was proving to be a lot more difficult than I had anticipated. 

We had woken up entirely entwined, which led to Hanna making a number of lewd remarks and Spencer getting uncharacteristically flustered. It was adorable. The presence of our very awake mothers led to a quick separation, but I kept somehow managing to maintain contact anyway; taking her hand as we walked down the hallway, placing a chaste kiss on her cheek when we separated to get ready for the day, running my fingers lightly along her neck as we spoke to the four mothers about the plans for the day. I really couldn’t stop. 

“You keep doing that, and I can’t be held responsible for my actions, even with our mothers present,” Spencer whispered hoarsely in my ear, her hand coming to rest on my own, stalling it from stroking the bare skin of her knee and lower thigh. 

It was just Spencer and me in the car with our mothers on the way to The Brew. Hanna and Aria were following with their mothers in Mrs. Montgomery’s car. We had all decided to grab breakfast and coffee before making the harrowing journey to the Rosewood Police Department headquarters. I, for one, definitely needed the caffeine boost before talking to more asshole cops, Toby not included of course. 

“That doesn’t really make me want to stop, Spence,” I whispered suggestively into her ear on impulse, blushing with embarrassment as I realized it was actually true. 

I was certain that woman was going to be the death of me someday. 

Spencer swiftly turned to face me, planting a hungry kiss solidly on my lips before pulling away, leaving me panting slightly. The self-satisfied smirk on her face did nothing to quench the flames that were consuming me. 

A clearing of someone’s throat from the front seat did that quickly enough though. 

“Seriously, Spencer, you’re acting like a horny teenage boy,” Mrs. Hastings laughed good-naturedly from the driver’s seat, rolling her eyes playfully at us in the rearview mirror. 

“It’s not my fault Emily is so sexy,” Spence muttered under her breath, probably not even meaning for our mothers to hear, but making me grin ear to ear. 

“That’s her father’s fault, I have no hand in that,” my mom added with a loud chuckle and inspiring the same in the rest of us as well, lightening up the tense atmosphere considerably. 

“Somehow I don’t believe that for a second, Mrs. Fields,” Spencer teased, earning another belly laugh from my mom. 

“My girlfriend, the charmer,” I added playfully, kissing Spence on the cheek with a wink, a smile still firmly on my face, threatening to become frozen in place, forever. 

Spencer turned to me quickly at that, a joyful but slightly mischievous glint in her eye. 

“Girlfriend, huh?” She asked mock-thoughtfully while I just dumbly nodded my head, not really thinking about the fact that we hadn’t actually brought up the topic of labels. “I kinda like it…”

With that, she kissed me again, biting playfully on my lower lip before pulling away. 

It took a moment for me to be able to form a coherent thought again. 

“Well that’s good,” I responded finally, still a little out of breath. “I didn’t really want to have to refer to you as ‘my honey-bear’ to everyone we meet…”

“Yeah, as much as I love you, Em, that is so not happening,” Spence laughed, grinning at me in a way that had me more than a little weak in the knees, even sitting down. 

Our eyes caught, and I shivered as Spencer traced the lines on my palm with her fingertips, wanting nothing more than to kiss her again. 

“Alright, my two charmers, you can stare at each other in The Brew over some breakfast. Let’s go,” Mrs. Hastings admonished with a chuckle, parking with a bit more of a jolt than was strictly necessary. 

My mom just laughed, as Spencer and I blushed and moved as quickly as we could out of the car and into the coffee shop. 

Hanna and Aria, along with their moms, joined us not long after we had ordered and sat down. Caleb was quick to follow. The dark silhouettes of police officers standing guard outside only served to make us all tense rather than secure, and I couldn’t help scooting closer to Spencer when I saw Lieutenant Tanner walk by, presumably on her way to the precinct. Spence just squeezed my hand tightly, her own shaking slightly, no doubt reliving the intense questioning she had undergone not so long ago. 

Breakfast was a fairly quiet affair, none of us really knowing what to say after Mrs. Hastings advised us on what we should and should not share with Rosewood PD. Keeping everything straight was not going to be easy, and we wanted nothing more than for the upcoming interrogations to be done and over with. 

“Mom, is there any way we can make sure that Detective Holbrooke isn’t the one who talks to Emily? Even with Mrs. Fields there, I don’t exactly feel comfortable with him being the one in the room with Em after what he said the other day,” Spencer inquired softly, obviously not intending for me to hear her, but doing a pretty bad job of whispering considering how close we were sitting. 

“Why was Holbrooke talking about me? What did he say?” I asked before Mrs. Hastings could reply, scooting even closer to Spencer and squeezing her hand tightly. 

From what I could remember, I hadn’t really had any truly significant one-on-one encounters with the man. He had seemed to take a bit of an interest in Hanna, but not me that I was aware of, so I couldn’t figure out why exactly Spencer was so worried about him being the one to question me. 

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t go anywhere near her, Spencer, I promise,” Mrs. Hastings assured both of us, pulling her daughter into a side hug before looking over Spencer’s head at me. “Detective Holbrooke was rather unhinged when he and Lieutenant Tanner were questioning Spencer the other day. He got frustrated when Spence wouldn’t give him anything and started spouting vague threats about pressuring you in particular to tell them the truth. I’m honestly glad that I walked in when I did, or Spencer probably would have found a way to throttle him even with the handcuffs on.”

“You didn’t tell me any of this, Spencer… Why would you keep it from me? I thought we were done lying to each other?” I questioned quietly, a soft catch in my throat blurring my words together a bit. 

Holbrooke didn’t really scare me all that much. After dealing with Wilden, corrupt and insane cops were something we had had to learn to deal with in the era of A. It was Spencer’s silence on the subject that hurt and frightened me. 

“I’m sorry, Em. I didn’t mean to not tell you, but I found out about Mona right after I got out and we haven’t really had a moment to ourselves ever since. I had intended to tell you everything, but I just got caught up in the moment and it slipped my mind. I’m sorry, please don’t be upset, baby,” Spence explained, looking at me with the biggest puppy-dog eyes I had ever seen. 

I was so whipped. 

“Spence, stop, I’m not upset. I mean, I wish you had told me earlier, but I get it. You just have to stop trying to protect me from everything all the time. I’m not glass; I’m not going to break,” I stated firmly, holding her chin up with my right hand to ensure she was paying full attention. “So, if Holbrooke wants to ask me some questions, bring it on. We handled Wilden and we’ve been dealing with A for years, one disgruntled, pervy cop is nothing I can’t handle. Plus, my mom will be there. If he’s insane enough to actually try anything, you can bet your ass Pam Fields will lay a smackdown on his sorry butt that will leave his head spinning for weeks.”

I couldn’t help but grin widely at my mom as I finished my speech, knowing damn well that she would kill the idiot before she let anything happen to me. 

Spencer didn’t look convinced. 

“As badass as your mom is, sorry for the language Mrs. Fields, I still don’t feel safe letting you be in a room with that creep. The way he was going at me in the interrogation they put me through… He’s not just a little creepy, or pervy, or whatever Wilden was. Em, this guy has seriously gone off the deep end,” she tried to explain, looking to her mom for help when she realized nothing she was saying was changing my mind. 

Taking a deep breath to calm myself a bit, I knelt down in front of her, needing Spence to understand where I was coming from, needing her to trust me. 

“Babe, listen to me. I know you want to protect me, I want to do the same for you, but we both know that this could be an opportunity for us. If Holbrooke is as out of control as you say he is, then he’s very likely to screw up and let something slip. The more information we can get about the police’s investigation, the better. Let’s face it, he sees me as the innocent and naïve one, just like everyone else, which gives me the distinct advantage of being underestimated, again. Have a little faith that I can handle this one, Spence. You know better than anyone how far I am willing to go to protect the people that I care about, and how capable I am of taking care of myself while doing so,” I stated quietly but strongly, squeezing her hands tightly once more in an attempt to get her to agree with me. 

My mind flashed immediately to Nate as I finished speaking, and I had to steel myself against the onslaught of emotions that accompanied that particular train of thought. Not a day went by that I didn’t struggle with the weight of knowing I had ended someone’s life, and I doubted those feelings would ever truly disappear. Still, I also knew for certain that I could never regret my actions fully and that I would do the same thing all over again if it meant protecting the people that I cared about. 

“I actually agree with Emily on this one,” my mom piped up from beside me, moving to cover both Spencer and my hands with her own as she spoke. “This Detective Holbrooke sounds like quite the piece of work, but we will be in a police station, and I won’t ever leave Emily’s side. Plus, you know better than most that if anyone can get her way, it’s Emily.”

Spencer couldn’t help but giggle at my mom’s final assertion, and I smacked her shoulder lightly, giggling as well. I was still in awe at how easily my mom and Spencer were still interacting, especially given my mom’s often-stilted relationships with my former girlfriends. Even with Paige, she had maintained a certain distance. With Spencer though, everything was so easy and so comfortable. My mom had just up and accepted her into the family already, and I loved every second of it. 

“I suppose that’s true, Em is pretty irresistible, and pretty stubborn too,” Spence agreed, sticking her tongue out playfully, a mischievous sparkle lighting up her eyes again. 

My desire to kiss her was getting a little out of control, so I leaned back a little, smiling at her but also creating a bit of distance. The more time that passed, the harder it was for me to control myself around her, and it was not exactly the time or place for me to express that. 

“It’s decided then. We will let Holbrooke be the one to interview me,” I stated firmly, not allowing any room for argument from anyone involved. 

Spencer just nodded her head, not looking at all happy about the decision, but not trying to fight it anymore either. 

We all left soon after that discussion, knowing we couldn’t put off going to the station for much longer without arousing suspicion. As soon as we entered the building, over-eager detectives separated us. Ushered away quickly by Detective Holbrooke, who definitely had a strange glint in his eye, I was barely able to give Spencer’s hand a tight, reassuring squeeze before she was out of reach. 

I suddenly felt cold and frightened without her there to lean on. 

Holbrooke eagerly led my mom and I into a dim interrogation room, claiming that all of the normal interview rooms were in use. That was obviously a lie, and it didn’t even seem like he was trying to hide it. He was clearly attempting to intimidate us, but I was not about to allow that to happen. 

Someone much scarier had been stalking and tormenting us for years; this douche bag was nothing in comparison.

“Please,” the detective offered with false politeness, motioning to the chairs in front of the table as he wordlessly asked us to take a seat. 

We did as he asked, but I took my time about it, making it clear that I was not about to jump at his orders. Holbrooke watched us intently as we sat, waiting until we were settled before taking his own chair. 

Then he just stared; just sat silently and stared at us. 

Another attempt to intimidate us. 

“I’m sorry, detective, I was under the impression we were called here to give you our statements about the attack on my daughter and her friends last night and answer any questions you may have, not enter into a childish staring contest. If we’re here for the latter, I should, first of all, inform you that you would lose, and second of all inform you that we have much better things to be doing with our time and may as well be on our way,” my mom stated dryly, looking supremely un-amused by the detective’s behavior. 

I told Spencer Pam Fields was a badass. 

Holbrooke, for his part, did his best to try not to look surprised, and immediately broke eye contact with us. He did not seem at all pleased with this turn of events and cleared his throat roughly before addressing us. 

“I apologize. I think it is fair to say that we all had a long night. Why don’t we get started?” He offered, not sincere at all in his attempt to apologize, which made my mom straighten even further in her seat, on high alert. “Now, you all had quite an eventful evening. Would you mind running me through your version of what happened, Emily?”

His voice had a sickly sweet tone that made me cringe, and his last statement was most certainly a dig, but I pretended not to notice any of it. Holbrooke’s belief in my naïveté was my greatest asset at that moment, and I needed to retain it for as long as I possibly could. 

“Of course, detective,” I replied, grateful I had enough experience lying to actually be able to pull off the blindly-respecting-and-obeying-authority tone I was going for. “Spencer, Aria, Hanna and myself had just come in from the barn behind Spencer’s house. We had met up with a few friends in the aftermath of Spencer’s arrest and Mona’s murder because we were all pretty terrified and didn’t want to be alone. After talking for a while, everyone else went home, and the four of us went inside to talk to our moms about what we thought was going on. They sent us upstairs to get some rest eventually, and while we were getting ready for bed, that arrow just came flying through the window out of nowhere. Hanna was down from the shattering of the glass since she was right next to the window when it happened, and it took me a moment to realize that Spencer had been grazed pretty severely on her neck. After that, it was panic, and I had a hard time following what happened until the police got there. I think I was probably in shock, and I was too focused on making sure Spencer was okay to really notice anything else.”

My mom squeezed my hand under the table reassuringly, and I hoped that meant I had done well. Playing clueless and mildly stupid was a little more difficult than I had originally anticipated. 

Holbrooke sat silently for a few moments, scribbling furiously in his notebook without even glancing up to acknowledge that I had said anything. After a good ten minutes of this, my mom cleared her throat, obviously fed up with the detective’s scare tactics. 

“And what exactly is it that you four young ladies think is going on?” He finally asked, drawing out each syllable to sound as condescending as humanly possible even while taking the bait I had so obviously laid out for him. 

My fists clenched tightly under the table on reflex, so tightly I would not have been surprised at all if my fingernails drew blood. I was boiling with anger, and I was so, so close to losing my composure and jeopardizing everything that I could taste the tang of failure on my tongue. Thankfully, my mom took both my hands in hers and tightened her hold, silently encouraging me to calm down and continue. 

It was our best chance. It was Spencer’s best chance. 

So I told him everything we had agreed upon. I explained how A’s game had continued after Mona went to Radley. I talked about the text messages, the emails, and the handwritten threats that had been tossed our way almost every day of our lives for the past few years. I explained Ali’s involvement in a few of the things that had happened thus far. It probably took me a good forty-five minutes to an hour to tell the story start to finish, and Holbrooke was scribbling in his notebook the whole time. 

My mom never let go of my hands. 

Of course, there were a lot of things I left out. I never mentioned Toby or Spencer’s involvement with A while they were trying to find out more about the game. Ezra, Shana, and Ravenswood were left out of the story completely because they were so difficult to explain without entering dangerous waters. I avoided any and all discussion of our suspicions that Ali could be somehow involved with A, and I made sure to avoid discussing Mike’s relationship with Mona because we all agreed not to get him involved if at all possible. 

“So that’s your story and you’re sticking to it, huh?” Detective Holbrooke demanded mockingly, lips curling rather sadistically as he chuckled at me. 

“I’m sorry?” I asked as innocently as possible, questioning his tone rather than his specific choice of words. 

Holbrooke just leered at me for a long moment before laughing again. 

“You four are pieces of work, you know that?” He stated more than questioned; sounding equally confused and pissed off. “We find evidence of just one of the no doubt many times that you all have broken the law, albeit one of the more serious of your infractions given that one of you _murdered_ someone, and you come up with this bullshit story? Are you girls even physically capable of telling the truth?”

He slammed his hand down hard on the table, making me jump as the sound reverberated around the room. My mom was on her feet almost instantaneously. 

“You will watch yourself when you are speaking to my daughter, detective,” she stated loudly, mocking the man’s title soundly before continuing. “Emily just explained to you that she and her friends have been tormented and stalked by a masked psychopath who is actively suspected of more than one murder. You are a police officer, and as such you are duty-bound to protect these girls and look into the matter, regardless of whether or not they fit into your ignorant, bullshit preconceived notions of reality.”

Holbrooke had the audacity to laugh in my mother’s face, bringing me to my feet as well. 

“Oh no, did I upset mommy dearest?” He mocked in a childlike voice before turning deadly serious. “I don’t know if you’re in league with them or just really fucking stupid, Mrs. Fields, but I’m hoping for your sake that it’s the latter. We have evidence that your daughter’s girlfriend killed poor Bethany in cold blood to please her Queen Bee, Alison, while Spencer was out of her pathetic mind on drugs. We have reason to believe that Hanna, Aria, and Emily all knew about it and helped their BFF clean up her mess and lie to the cops about it. There is new evidence that it was a teenage girl who killed Mona Vanderwaal. I have no doubt that your daughter and her friends had a hand in that as well. Now they’re making up elaborate stories so people will feel bad for them, will see them as the victims. Well, I am not fucking buying it! So sit your asses back in your chairs and we will have a real discussion, just a cop and a suspect.”

I finally lost my cool. I had what I needed; there was no reason to play nice anymore. 

“A real discussion? Kind of like the ones you had with Hanna, an underage high school student, when you were flirting with her over shitty crime novels? Could you be more cliché?” I bit out as calmly as I could, refusing to sit back down and keeping my mom on her feet as well. 

“So young, and so stupid,” Holbrooke mocked, smirking at me. “That was police work, you idiot child.”

Glaring at him harshly, I sent him a smirk of my own. 

“That was harassment, among other more unsavory things, you deranged, arrogant, entitled, narcissistic son of a bitch. I have no idea what you have against my friends and me, whether it’s just us or teenage girls in general, but this sick obsession you have has gone way overboard. My mom, along with Mrs. Hastings, will be petitioning to have you removed from this case pending an internal review of your behavior, particularly your less than professional interactions with Hanna and your absurd and excessive use of force on a clearly unresisting Spencer when you arrested her on the basis of purely circumstantial evidence. If there is anything my friends and I do not need in our lives right now, it is a creepy, obsessive, dangerous stalker cop with some trumped-up vendetta believing he has the right to invade our lives and make us feel unsafe. Now, since neither my mother nor I are under arrest, and as such are free to go, we will leave you with your conspiracy theories and find a real police officer to talk to about this real case that threatened our lives last night.”

Holbrooke’s eyes were wide with surprise, as were my mother’s. Not wanting to spend another second in that room with that psychopath, I tugged on my mom’s arm, pulling her with me toward the door. The detective started stuttering as we moved away from him, completely red in the face in his own humiliation and not making any sense until I was already out the door and my mom was halfway there. 

“You can’t just walk out! This is an official police interrogation! I can have you arrested for obstructing an official police investigation!” He threatened, becoming more and more frustrated as we moved further and further away from him, causing him to finally yell down the hallway after us in full view of the rest of the department. “You cannot walk out of this building without my express permission! Get back here!”

I wanted to turn around and jump down his throat again, but my mom beat me to it. 

“Watch us, you arrogant prick!” She shouted, grabbing my arm and marching us straight out of the building, not even noticing when the rest of our group followed quickly after us from where they had been sitting in the waiting room. 

It was not until we had walked a full three blocks away from the police station that my mom finally slowed down and let go of my arm, turning when she heard Mrs. Hastings call out from behind us. 

“Pam, what happened? Are you two alright?” Spencer’s mom demanded as soon as she caught up with us, a little out of breath after practically running after us in a pair of fairly decent-sized heels, Spencer not far behind. 

Spence didn’t say a word but pulled me into a tight embrace as the rest of the group caught up. I held onto her tightly, trying to lessen the trembling that had overtaken my body as soon as I had finished telling Detective Holbrooke where to shove it. 

I was certain I had used up all of my courage to spew those words in the detective’s face, and all that was left of me was a shaky, mumbling, terrified mess. 

“You promise me that we are going to get that motherfucker fired, Veronica,” my mom ordered, anger seeming to seep from her every pore as she stared Mrs. Hastings down. 

Aria actually flinched at the sight. 

“Count on it,” Spencer’s mom agreed firmly in her no-nonsense lawyer voice that usually scared the pants off of anyone within a five-mile radius. 

She and my mom shook hands in agreement and then turned to the rest of us with a frightening glint in their eyes. 

“Time to make a plan! Let’s go, girls,” Mrs. Montgomery added almost jovially, high-fiving my mother and Spencer’s before practically running to her car, followed by everyone but Spencer and me. 

“Good lord, what can of worms did we open this time?” I questioned with a groan, taking Spencer’s hand in my own as we followed everyone else down the street. 

“One that’s a hell of a lot more dangerous than anything A could possibly throw at us, that’s for sure,” Spence offered with a small shrug and a chuckle, pulling me behind her as she too hurried to follow the moms, no doubt a little overly excited at the prospect of planning. 

I just took a deep breath and let her lead me, hoping beyond hope that she was right because we were in for it when A found out we had finally talked to the cops. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or storylines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	21. I Just Can’t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer's POV

The Mom Squad ordered Aria, Hanna, Emily and me to try to relax and get some rest as soon as we arrived back to the house, officers still roaming around outside in dozens as they tried their best to keep A away from us. Personally, I didn’t think the poor, bumbling fools of Rosewood PD stood much of a chance against a character like the one that had been torturing us for years. Our mothers, on the other hand, I was fairly certain it was A that didn’t stand a chance against them. 

“What are you thinking about?” Emily inquired softly, moving to sit between my legs and lean back against me, the warmth of her causing me to sink comfortably back into the pillows behind me with a contented sigh. 

“How badass our moms are, and how we’re going to be okay just as long as we stick together like we always have,” I offered just as quietly, wrapping my arms tightly around her middle before placing a light kiss on her temple. 

Emily just hummed and leaned further back into my embrace, covering my arms with her own. I would have been more than happy to stay like that forever. 

“Will you two stop it with the annoyingly in love shtick you’ve got going on over there? It’s making me nauseous,” Hanna groused from across the room, rolling her eyes and sticking her tongue out at us playfully. 

Aria chuckled even as her fingers continued to type out the three thousandth text she had sent Ezra in the past fifteen minutes. Caleb, on the other hand, couldn’t stop laughing as he pulled his girlfriend closer to him and planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek. 

“And here I was thinking you were a big fan of romance, Ms. I-Watch-Lifetime-Movies-Every-Night-Before-Bed-And-Cry-My-Eyes-Out-Like-A-Little-Baby,” he teased, tickling Hanna’s sides until she was squirming and slapping his hands away to get him to stop. 

Hanna raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend and glared. Caleb put his hands up in mock surrender but was still grinning at her like an idiot. It was adorable. 

“And she says we’re too cutesy,” I chuckled to Emily, raising my eyebrow at Hanna until the blonde huffed in exasperation. 

“Whatever, we’re the cutest anyway, so it’s not like it matters,” Hanna contended, grinning at Caleb before pulling him in for a much longer than necessary kiss that definitely included a very unnecessary amount of tongue. 

I gagged jokingly. 

“The most grossly exhibitionist, you mean,” Aria replied, looking up from her phone for about a millisecond before returning her focus, a playful grimace of disgust on her face. 

Hanna swiftly grabbed a pillow and threw it straight at Aria’s head, causing the short brunette to look up in shock that quickly turned to something much more mischievous. Aria grabbed the pillow that had been chucked at her and rapidly advanced on Hanna, starting a ridiculous pillow fight that lasted all of five minutes and yet somehow left both of our friends gasping for air. 

Emily just rolled her eyes at them good-naturedly before turning her upper body slightly so she could look back at me. 

“I don’t think they’ve got anything on us in the cute department, babe,” she whispered almost seductively in my ear, causing me to shiver and tighten my arms around her instinctively. 

“I would have to agree,” I replied softly against her lips before leaning forward into another kiss, the sparks that seemed to ignite everywhere our bodies touched never getting old. 

Emily’s lips were like heaven, and I could barely contain a moan when she nibbled lightly on my lower lip before slipping her tongue into my mouth. My right hand immediately moved up to cradle her face and pull her closer, while the fingertips of my left slipped just under the waistband of her extremely tight jeans. Emily did moan, and I couldn’t help but smirk knowing I had such an effect on her. 

My smirk didn’t last long though, because suddenly two pillows almost simultaneously hit me in the head about two seconds later. 

That spurred an all-out pillow war. Hanna spent at least twenty minutes using Caleb as a human shield, popping out to whack one of us before hiding behind her boyfriend again. Caleb eventually got tired of getting hit in the face and turned on her, making Hanna squeal loudly as he chased her around the room. Aria kept hiding behind furniture, venturing out for sneak attacks between her borderline obsessive texting sessions with Ezra. In the end, it was just Em and I facing off in the middle of the room, everyone else too distracted to participate. 

“You’re going down, Hastings,” Emily smirked, bouncing back and forth on the balls of her feet like a tennis player, two pillows held firmly and watching me like a hawk. 

“You wish, Fields,” I teased, smirking right back at her before running forward, my own pillow raised high above my head and ready to strike. 

We somehow both ended up on the floor, wrestling as we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt, the pillows long forgotten, thrown somewhere in the tussle and never picked up again. If I had still been playing field hockey, I could have pinned Emily in no time, but I was pathetically out of shape since I had quit the team. Unfortunately for me, Emily still swam almost every morning even though she wasn’t competing anymore, and it took her barely two minutes to pin my back to the floor of the living room, hovering over me triumphantly, wearing a smug smile on her beautiful lips. 

Okay, so maybe my situation wasn’t actually unfortunate at all. 

“Give up yet, Hastings?” My girlfriend inquired saucily, holding my wrists down firmly to the carpet above my head, her shins securely planted on my own so I couldn’t move without serious effort. 

“A Hastings never surrenders,” I replied stubbornly, trying my best to look stoic and serious but only half accomplishing my goal as a small grin broke out across my face. 

Emily’s smirk just grew bigger as she leaned down towards me. 

“Are you sure about that?” She asked in a whisper as her breath ghosted across my ear, causing goosebumps to break out across my body. She leaned even further down so that most of our bodies were brushing up against each other, and I couldn’t hold back a moan as she continued to whisper in my ear. “Nothing could, perhaps, convince you to surrender to me?”

“I’m pretty sure I surrendered to you a long time ago, babe,” I rushed out in a single breath before turning my head to catch her lips with my own, deepening our kiss almost immediately. 

Finally breaking her loosened grip on my arms, I reached them around Emily’s torso and pulled her fully on top of me, groaning rather embarrassingly as her hands almost immediately found their way into my hair. My girlfriend’s fingernails scratched deliciously along my scalp as we continued to make out on the living room floor, not even caring that we probably had an audience. My right hand had just found its way into the back pocket of Emily’s jeans, causing her to push further into me as she sighed contentedly into my mouth when we were interrupted yet again by the clearing of someone’s throat. 

“Yeah, I don’t think the pillow fight worked out quite the way you wanted it to, Han,” Caleb chuckled as Emily and I broke apart, both of us blushing a deep red as we turned towards our friends. 

“I would agree with your mom and say you’re like a horny teenage boy, but it would appear I’m just as bad, so I suppose we’re both just a little too handsy for our own good,” Em giggled as she climbed off of me, standing up and reaching a hand down to pull me up beside her as she sent an apologetic glance to the rest of the group. 

“Oh, don’t let Hanna and Caleb give you a hard time, we all remember what they were like when they first got together… I totally asked for a blindfold that Christmas just so I wouldn’t have to see their tongues constantly down each other’s throats,” Aria laughed, still glued to her phone. 

Her head jerked up as soon as Hanna punched her in the arm not so softly though, and the two had a scowling contest as the rest of us laughed. 

“I love you guys,” I offered sincerely, suddenly grateful that if I had to go through all the shit that had happened to us over the years, that continued to happen to us, at least I had them by my side. 

Em squeezed my hand in response, and I knew she understood the unspoken sentiment harbored by my words.

Everything else could go to shit, but at least we had each other. 

\-- Spemily -- 

Days passed with no new threats from A, and the silence terrified me more than anything. The police had no new leads, not that they would have shared them with us anyway, and we periodically got called in to go over our statements again and again. Holbrooke was officially under investigation, but somehow that didn’t make me feel any safer given the circumstances, and we were all tense with anticipation of what was going to happen next. Even the Mom Squad was on edge, making sure we were never alone, banning any non-essential extra-curriculars, and holding secret meetings almost every evening to talk strategy. 

It felt like punishment, even though I knew they were just trying to protect us, and it was driving all four of us absolutely nuts. I spent a good portion of my time demanding answers from anyone I could, and I could tell that everyone was getting fed up with my incessant need for information. Aria had completely withdrawn after about two weeks, barely talking to anyone other than Ezra and writing or photographing obsessively every chance she got. Hanna, on the other hand, was almost forcefully gregarious. Every chance she got, she was cheerfully trying to strike up a conversation about the most inane nonsense she could think of, trying to take our minds off the reality of our situation, and often making me want to strangle her. 

Emily was the one who had me the most worried though. She was working out at least twice a day, sometimes three or four if she decided to swim in the morning, and dragging at least one other person along whenever she went for a run. We were still close, but she had stopped talking as much, sharing less and less as time passed. I couldn’t read her as well as before, and it scared me. Protein shakes and energy shots replaced tea and lazy mornings in bed. Push-ups and crunches replaced late-night talks about the future. She was always on edge, always on alert. Even with her bad shoulder, she was lifting an enormous amount of weight, and it seemed like the harder she worked the less she slept. 

It was over a month of that insanity before I could even begin to get her to talk to me. 

“Em, just stop for a second, take a breather, sit with me for a minute,” I practically begged as she started doing push-ups on the floor of my bedroom, having come over after school to study for an English test we had the next day. 

For once, she actually stopped and looked up at me. It must have been the crack in my voice that drew her attention. I actually blushed at how pathetic I must have sounded. 

“Hey, hey, Spence, what’s going on, babe?” Emily inquired softly as traitorous tears started rolling down my cheeks.

She stood and moved to my side as I furiously tried to wipe the tears away, grasping my hands as soon as she could reach to halt my movements. Kneeling in front of me, she placed a hand gently on my cheek and pulled up slightly until I was looking at her. My face could not have been redder; I was so ashamed of breaking down out of nowhere over nothing. 

“Talk to me, sweetheart,” Em whispered softly, not loosening her grip for a second. 

Usually, her touch would have calmed me, but her words sparked a powder keg that had been under pressure for far too long, and I couldn’t help but explode at her. 

“Talk to you?” I demanded incredulously, pulling away from her enough to use my hands as I spoke animatedly to emphasize my frustration. “I do talk to you! All the time! But you barely listen, let alone respond! I feel like even when it’s just the two of us, right here in my room, you’re not really even present. It has been weeks since we had a real conversation, and even longer since you’ve truly been honest with me about how you’re feeling. All you do anymore is run and lift and watch those stupid YouTube videos about freaking Kung Fu or something. Your grades are terrible because you haven’t slept more than four and a half hours a night in two weeks now, and you didn’t even kiss me when you came over today! What the actual fuck, Emily?”

Now it was Emily’s turn to cry, and I felt even shittier than before. She opened her mouth to try to respond, but only a sob came out, and I gathered her quickly into my arms, pushing my chair back and kneeling in front of her on the floor to get as close as possible. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry, please don’t cry. I just miss you, and I’m worried about you, and I love you so much, and this radio silence from you is killing me because I want to make you happy and I know you’re not happy, but you won’t tell me why which means I can’t…” I started rambling uncontrollably, only stopping when Em pulled me into a hard kiss that I immediately reciprocated before finding myself on my back on the floor, my girlfriend lying fully on top of me as she continued to assault my mouth with her own. 

Every thought that had seemed so incredibly important two seconds before, flew right out of my head as soon as Emily’s tongue met my own. Her hands grasped my own and pulled them above my head, her left hand holding both of mine firmly to the floor as her right slid roughly into my hair, pulling almost too sharply and causing me to groan rather loudly into her very insistent mouth. We had had hot and heavy make-out sessions before, but there was something so desperate about Emily’s kiss that afternoon, that my heart broke for her even through the enormous amount of heat we were generating. After a few minutes, I had to pull away, intent on figuring out what was causing my girlfriend to virtually vibrate with pain. 

“Emily, baby, talk to me, please. I can’t stand to see you struggling like this and not know why,” I whispered, gently breaking my hands out of her tight grip and running them softly up and down her tense back, kissing her gently on the cheek before searching to meet her eyes once more. 

“I’m sorry, Spence. I’m so sorry. I never meant to push you away. I just… I just can’t…” Em started, obviously struggling to express herself and almost biting through her lower lip in her frustration. 

Leaning up, I kissed her softly again, coaxing her to let go of her tortured lip with a deep sigh. 

“Shhh, sweetheart, it’s okay, take your time. I’m right here, honey. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere,” I offered sincerely, pulling her gaze to my own once more. 

“I can’t be the weak, naïve pawn anymore, Spencer. I won’t be. Not when we have so much at stake. Not when you’re at stake,” Em whispered so quietly I almost couldn’t hear her, shyly looking away from me as she spoke. 

My heart melted and broke at the same time. I could finally read her again, her walls coming down as she offered her confession, and her body language said so much more than her words ever could. Emily had felt so helpless over the past couple of years, and being told things like she was the weakest link and the sweet, naïve one had not helped her confidence in her own abilities at all. She needed to know that she could protect herself, and suddenly the obsessive exercise made sense. More than anything, she wanted to be able to protect the people that she loved, and making herself physically strong enough to do so was the only way she could think to accomplish that. It was heartwarming and gut-wrenching all at once. 

“Well, as sexy as your superhero muscles are, Em, even superheroes need a break sometimes. And you can’t be strong and protect anybody if you’ve driven yourself into the ground with exhaustion. I understand where this is coming from, I really do, but I think you’ve gone a little overboard because of all the stress we’ve been under. Workout every day if you want to, up your weights every now and then, take a self-defense class or two, but take care of yourself while you do it, and leave some time for your really smart girlfriend to kiss you silly and help you pass your classes, yeah?”

I chuckled at the shy grin that settled on her face before she leaned down to peck me lightly on the lips. She nodded as she pulled away, and I calmed for the moment, knowing we were at least making progress back to where we had been a few weeks ago. 

Then, a wicked glint came into Em’s eyes, slowly making its way to her mouth and causing my stomach to flutter warmly in response. 

“So, you think my muscles are sexy, huh?” Em questioned with a smirk before leaning down to whisper hotly in my ear. “Do you think my super-smart girlfriend would be up for a little more than sharing study tips and, uh, what were your words? Kissing me silly?”

She finished off her question by nipping teasingly at my earlobe, and I swear the temperature in that room rose by at least twenty degrees. I was already burning up with desire, and she had barely touched me. 

“Hmmm, I think she might be open to suggestion on that front,” I replied with a sly grin, flipping a completely unsuspecting Emily onto her back and climbing on top of her. “You might have to wait your turn though…”

I nipped at her earlobe in retaliation before skipping over her lips completely and moving straight to her neck with fervor. Our emotionally charged afternoon had me on an adrenaline high, and I had never wanted to touch her and mark her and make sure she knew she was mine so much in my life. Taking a note from my girlfriend’s book, I held both of her hands above her head with one of my own, attacking her neck with tongue and teeth as she squirmed underneath me, breathy moans escaping her mouth every time I bit down a little harder on the smooth skin of her throat. Feeling brave, I slid my free hand up her side, starting at her upper thigh and moving up teasingly slowly until I brushed the side of her breast, taking my time to move my palm just enough to cup her firmly through her shirt. 

“Oh god, Spence,” she whispered sexily before groaning once more, writhing a bit as she tried to break my hold on her hands, obviously needing more. 

“God, you’re perfect, Em,” I groaned in response, tightening my grip with both hands as I let my lips find hers, finally, our tongues softly entwining as we moved against each other. 

“Jesus, Spencer, again? Get a freaking lock on your door or something,” Hanna’s voice very inconsiderately flitted through the desire-leaden haze that had fallen over me, turning my lust into frustration in a millisecond. 

Placing one final kiss on my very sexy girlfriend’s lips, I untangled myself from Emily and stood, my face more than likely clearly showcasing just how displeased I was at the situation. Marching to the bedroom door, I slammed it shut, leaving a shocked Hanna still standing mutely on the other side. 

“Get a life, Hanna!” I called to her mockingly before walking back across the room and pouncing on Emily once more, my hands probably a little too rough as I grasped at her possessively. 

Em only let me kiss and grope her for a few more seconds before pulling away and raising her eyebrow at me expectantly. Huffing loudly, I just sank down onto the floor next to her, hanging my head dejectedly. 

“Are you guys serious right now?” Hanna finally demanded, letting out a huff of her own but still firmly on the other side of the door. 

I was about to reply with a perfectly witty and definitely scathing comment of my own, but Emily clapped her hand over my mouth before I could. 

“Of course she’s not serious, Han. Come on in. I promise we are both fully clothed,” Emily called out before muttering to herself, “though not for lack of trying.”

Her words did not help calm the burning heat that still sat low in my stomach, but they also made me giggle like a fifth-grader with a crush, and Em’s smile when she turned towards me totally made the frustration and embarrassment worthwhile. Even as Hanna opened the door to join us, I pulled my girlfriend’s hand from where it still sat over my mouth and took my time to lovingly kiss each and every one of her knuckles, all while staring directly into her gorgeous eyes. Emily blushed mildly at the gesture, while Hanna made gagging noises in the background. 

“Great, you guys are back to being sickeningly adorable. Can you be giant cheese-balls elsewhere? No one wants to see all of that,” Hanna groused as she came further into the room, waving wildly in our direction to try to show rather than tell what she was referring to. 

I couldn’t hold back my laugh at that, and I could feel Emily shake with a repressed chuckle of her own. Hanna rolled her eyes. Our blonde friend was about to continue her tirade, but Em surprised us both by gathering herself together enough to speak. 

“Well that’s not exactly true, Han,” Em offered seriously before turning and gesturing wildly in my direction as our friend had just a moment ago. “You may not, but I definitely want to see _all_ that, preferably without interruption though.”

Em just smirked at me as soon as she was silent again, all smug and proud of herself. I am almost certain that I resembled a cherry tomato more than a human being as I took in the implication of her words. My hands were itching to throw Hanna out of the room and do just what Em was implying, but my girlfriend’s adorable giggle kept me in check. 

Her teasing was certain to be the death of me one day, but what a way to go. 

“Ew, gross, I so did _not_ need to hear that,” Hanna groaned as she pretended to gag again before turning completely serious. “Joking about your excessive information sharing aside, have you guys heard from Aria today? I saw her at lunch, but she didn’t show up at my house after school to study like she said she would. I tried calling and texting, but I haven’t gotten a response. I’m kind of worried…”

I opened my mouth to respond, but the only sound that came out was a squeak as the door to my room slammed shut and locked seemingly of its own volition. Emily was on her feet in seconds, trying to open the door with all her might, but it wouldn’t budge. Grabbing the letter opener off my desk, I immediately set to work trying to pop the hinges while Hanna tried to force open the window, which also wasn’t moving. 

“Guys, is that smoke?” Hanna called from across the room, her voice small with fear as she stared, terrified, at a white, gaseous substance pumping quickly into my room through the air conditioning vent above my bed. 

It didn’t smell like smoke, though. The scent was more chemical-like in nature, and my hair stood on end at the thought. Whatever it was, it was not good. 

“Fuck!” I practically screamed as the tip of the letter opener broke off in the hinge, throwing my hands up in frustration as my head started getting hazy. “We have to try to yell for help, guys. We don’t have much time.”

We only got about three or four good yells out before our voices failed us. I somehow managed to get Hanna down from where she was standing on the window seat, worried she would hurt herself if she passed out and fell off of it. Then, just as I was wrapping my arms tightly around Emily’s waist in a last-ditch attempt to keep her close, everything went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or storylines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	22. Still, The Lights Stayed On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily's POV

Waking up was a lot more difficult than usual. My mind was fuzzy. It felt as though someone had wrapped my brain in packing peanuts and I was trying to see through the gaps between all the tiny, tiny pieces. I would feel myself on the edge of wakefulness, just barely aware of my surroundings, only to fall back into the fuzzy half-darkness once more. 

It was probably the seventeenth of these semi-awake periods when I was finally able to open my eyes just the tiniest bit. Of course, with how unclear everything was and how jumbled my brain felt, the view only served to confuse me even more. Just before I slipped back away from wakefulness, I thought I had been in my own bedroom, but the last thing I remembered I had been making out with Spencer on her bedroom floor. If that was the case, I had no earthly idea how I wound up blacked out in my own bed down the street. 

My brain finally started to focus about twenty periods of half-wakefulness later. The first thing I grew aware of was the slight mechanical hum in the air. It was strange, a slight buzzing that was just barely there, and it was annoying as all hell to my already throbbing head. Taking in a deep breath to try to strengthen my focus, I caught the distinct scent of bleach, combined with the honey vanilla aroma of the candles that sporadically lined my room. That last smell alone told me I was at home, in my bedroom, but a chemical scent underlying everything had me second-guessing myself. 

Finally, my eyes cooperated, fluttering open slowly, and blurring for a couple of minutes before coming into focus on my surroundings. It appeared that my assumption had been correct. I was lying in my bed, still fully dressed, and candles were lit everywhere. From what I could tell with the blinds closed, it was pitch dark outside, but I had no idea how long I had been out, so I couldn’t tell what time or day it was. 

I started to panic. 

Waking up alone with no idea of how I got home or what had happened in between had my heart racing like never before, and not in a good way. I needed to know what was going on. I needed to know where Spencer was, and my mom, and everyone else. I needed to know what the hell had happened. 

After sitting up too quickly, I had to stop myself for a moment, a little nauseous as my head spun with a vengeance. It took a couple of minutes for the world to set itself right again, but I was out of bed as soon as it had. My head was pounding, so I was moving almost gingerly across the room, eventually making it to the door to the hallway. I turned the handle, but nothing happened. I turned it again. Still nothing. 

That’s when the real panic set in. 

Yelling as loudly as I could for my mom, I wrapped my hands tightly around the door handle and pushed and pulled and tugged and banged with all of my strength. The door still didn’t move an inch. After very ill-advisedly side-kicking the door and having only a jammed up knee to show for it, I ran over to the window. Pulling up the blinds in a fury, I practically yanked them out of the wall before leaning forward, intending to throw the window open and jump out if necessary, but what I saw in front of me stopped me in my tracks. 

I was not standing at my window in my bedroom at home. 

There was no backyard stretching out in front of me. In fact, the only space in front of me was a two-inch gap that ended in a very thick, very strong looking steel wall. A concrete floor made it obvious that I was not even on the second story of whatever building I was in. 

My mind was reeling. 

I was in my bedroom, but I wasn’t in my bedroom. 

Someone had recreated my bedroom to a ‘t’ in some other building, knocked me out at Spencer’s house, and locked me up in the replica. 

Sitting down was really my only option at that point. 

Too stunned and overwhelmed to really do much of anything, I just started gazing around the room, trying to take everything in. The closer I looked, the easier it was to tell that the room was counterfeit. The pillows on the window seat were off in color by a shade or two. A few of the books I had bought more recently were missing from the bookshelves. The lamp on my desk was a slightly different shape. The inconsistencies were small, subtle, but the more I looked around, the more I noticed them. 

My skin was crawling with anxiety. I had no idea where I was or what exactly had happened, but there was one thing that I was absolutely certain about. I knew who was responsible for all of what surrounded me, and the revelation hit me like a ton of heavy bricks. 

A had finally gotten to us. 

Despite the army of police officers patrolling outside Spencer’s house, despite the Mom Squad being ever vigilant and tough as nails, despite our own attempts to have each other’s backs, despite my own efforts to be prepared for anything, A had managed to slip right through the cracks we hadn’t even known were there. And, this time, it wasn’t to slap us on the wrist and warn us of what was to come. This time it was to do something much more serious. 

A had actually kidnapped us. 

My next thought had me on my feet in a second flat. 

If A had me there, locked up in a replica of my room, then it was highly likely that A had done the exact same to Spencer, Hanna, and Aria as well. Which meant they could be close by. Which meant they might even be within hearing range. 

My feet moved of their own volition, and as soon as I was standing in front of the locked door, I started pounding as hard as I could with both my fists, screaming out my friends’ names as I did so. Waiting a few seconds between yells to try to hear if anyone responded, I just got more and more frustrated and terrified with the continuing silence, prompting me to pound even harder. 

I couldn’t keep track of how long I stood there. I didn’t even stop pounding on that door when I saw red streaks appear from where my hands started to bleed, and I didn’t stop trying to yell out to my friends even when my voice was hoarse and cracked, but I was rapidly losing hope that I would receive any kind of response. 

Through my pain and my frustration and my fear, I got pissed. 

“What the fuck do you want from us, you deluded, psychopathic, freak? We’ve done everything you told us to do, so what now? Why don’t you just kill us instead of putting on this elaborate farce if you hate us so much? What the fuck do you want you fucking son of a bitch?”

I was screaming and crying and still pounding on that damn door. My head was killing me. I could barely feel my hands anymore. 

When I thought things couldn’t possibly get worse, they did. 

A loud screeching noise filled the room, so loud that I could physically feel it in bones. If my head had hurt before, it was nothing compared to this new invasion of sound. My hands flew up to cover my ears, barely diminishing the noise at all, and I sunk down to the floor, desperately wishing for the silence that had been killing me only moments before. 

It felt like the noise continued for hours. My feet were going numb from the position I had slid into, but I didn’t have the strength to move them. Even my eyes were screwed shut in an attempt to keep out the noise, but nothing was helping. 

When it was finally over, all I could do was crawl to my bed, curling up against the headboard and just lying there, staring at my fake window, my mind blank, too overwhelmed to formulate thoughts of any kind. 

Eventually, I fell asleep.

\-- Spemily –

For some unknown stretch of time, that was how I lived. 

I would lie in bed or curl up in one of the corners of my counterfeit room and stare off into space, just waiting for the next auditory onslaught to knock me out again. After what felt like it could have been days, I would survey my room, cataloging the differences and noting the cameras scattered across the room to monitor my every move. Finally, I began rereading books and writing in the few empty notebooks I found, anything to keep my mind off the anticipation of the noise that was sure to come. 

Time disappeared quickly. There were no minutes or hours, no night or day. It was just the same monotony, over and over and over again. 

I started writing and drawing on the walls when I ran out of paper. 

Food and water would magically appear in my room while I slept, but I could feel myself getting thinner. I tried to keep up my fitness, but I knew I wasn’t getting enough nutrition, so it was a lot harder than it should have been. 

My writing quickly turned away from chronicling how I spent my time. After writing the same thing five times, I got bored. So, I decided to get more creative. At one point, I wrote down every line of every poem I could remember, that transitioned into song lyrics, followed by my favorite quotes. I got more depressed as I started to forget things though, so I changed tactics again, trying to keep my brain as engaged as possible in my solitude. 

My first great accomplishment was a thirty-page essay about Spencer and how incredible she was and how much I loved her. That was when I ran out of paper. The lack of writing media gave me an idea, and what followed was probably my greatest accomplishment during my imprisonment thus far. 

The walls were my notepad, and A was my subject. Piling a bunch of books up on my office chair, I was able to reach all the way up to the ceiling, so I started from the top. And after I started, I couldn’t stop. So I filled the walls. I wrote down everything from the very beginning. From the “Jenna Thing” onward, I detailed every single atrocity we had suffered at the hands of A. I was so intent on continuing, that I ripped open the stuffed animals in my room and shoved the cotton innards into my ears, writing straight through the noise that was meant to disable me. 

And I liked that A was watching. 

I wanted the bastard to see everything that I was writing and doing. I wanted them to read every line, to know everything we knew, the depths through which we suffered. And I especially wanted A to know that we had survived everything they had thrown at us, that despite everything we were still strong and we were still together and we were still moving forward. 

I wanted A to know that they had NOT beaten us. 

So, I kept writing. I wrote and wrote and wrote until I couldn’t feel my hand anymore. By the time I physically could not go on any longer, I had filled up all four walls and most of the ceiling. I had every intention of continuing, but not until I had rested for a time, fairly confident that I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon and contemplating whether or not I could pull up the carpet and continue on the concrete underneath. I had only gotten as far as New York in my chronicle, and there was so much more to add. 

As I sat slouched against the foot of my bed, too exhausted to get off the floor, I allowed my eyes to run over the words that I had written. None of them were particularly elegant, Aria was the artist of our group and Spence our resident grammar nerd, but my words still managed to convey a depth and complexity to our plight that I hadn’t ever fully recognized before. 

I knew that I had been running from my emotions pretty much since Ali’s disappearance, and even more so since Maya’s death, but it wasn’t until I sat there and reflected on the written chronicle of what had happened to us that I was truly able to begin to understand. In all honesty, my first emotion was shock; I was absolutely shocked that the four of us had managed to survive everything that we had. I was even more shocked that we hadn’t failed out of school yet. Well, maybe not shocked when it came to Spence, but definitely the rest of us. 

Somehow, we had managed to compartmentalize all the death and destruction that surrounded us and continue on with our lives, only rarely allowing things to build up to the point that our problems manifested in some physical form. Hanna’s shoplifting, my drinking, Spencer’s pills, Aria’s addiction to Ezra. They were all direct consequences of the four of us refusing to deal with our emotions, and I don’t think any of us had actually recognized those behaviors for what they were at the time, or even in the months or years that followed. We had fallen so far down A’s rabbit hole that we didn’t even know ourselves anymore. 

My eyes finally slipped shut when my brain couldn’t deal with the words swimming in front of me anymore, reminding me, lecturing me, haunting me with their terrifying truth. 

I didn’t know who I was anymore. A had taken that, too.

\-- Spemily –-

It was oddly dark when I woke up to a strange scraping noise outside my door. In all the time I had been in that counterfeit version of my bedroom, it had never been dark, which was why it had been so hard to tell what time it was. Immediately, I was on alert. Moving swiftly to my desk, I quietly fumbled around, finally finding the barely sharp letter opener that so resembled the family heirloom passed on to me when my grandmother died. The object felt false in my hand, dirty somehow in its attempt to masquerade as something meaningful to me, but it was the closest thing I had to a weapon. 

Crouching low, I hid at the foot of my bed, hoping the darkness would at least blur my outline for whoever walked through that door. The strange scraping finally stopped a few moments after I got in position, and the door opened with a soft click. All I could see from my vantage point was the outline of legs, nowhere near enough detail visible in the dark to give me an idea of what I was dealing with. I was about to charge the person regardless, letter opener in hand, when a soft whisper stopped me in my tracks. 

“Em?”

That voice. I knew that voice. 

Spencer. 

“Spence?” I called out timidly as I rose from my crouched position, letter opener clattering rather loudly to the floor. “Is it you? Is it really you?”

I probably sounded horribly pathetic at that moment, but I desperately needed it to be her. I was slowly losing my mind in my solitude, and if anyone could help save me from my own thoughts, it was Spencer. 

“It’s me, baby. It’s really me,” she whispered with a strength I knew I no longer possessed, her dark outline stumbling toward me as she tried to navigate without any light. 

“Oh, thank god,” I sobbed almost silently, moving forward until I had reached her and throwing my arms around her waist, hugging her to me tightly, never wanting to let go. 

Spencer hugged me back for a few seconds but pulled away a lot more quickly than I would have liked. She placed a lingering kiss on my lips that made me want to cry, and then she was putting distance between us again, only our hands touching as we held onto each other tightly. 

“I’m sorry, Em, but we don’t have much time. I’ve been looking for you for days, but it seems like I found everyone else there was to find before I got to you,” Spence explained quickly, gently placing a finger over my lips when I tried to interrupt. “A must have purposely put us the furthest apart, but we can’t dwell on the why right now. You need to know that Hanna and Aria are okay, traumatized, but otherwise okay. I don’t know if you’ve been able to tell time at all since we’ve been here, but my estimations come to somewhere around two weeks, though it’s hard to tell because I don’t know how long we were out before we were brought here. Mona is alive, and she’s down here with us, wherever we are. Ali is a prisoner too, so now we know that our theory about her being A is wrong. Every night like clockwork the power grid goes down for exactly five minutes, and that’s when I’ve been able to find people. I had to make myself earplugs so the siren wouldn’t knock me out every night and I could actually escape my room. What about you? Are you okay? Has anything happened?”

I couldn’t take not being close to her anymore. So instead of answering her questions, I pulled her in for a blistering kiss, wanting to get as close to her as I possibly could. Spence was caught off guard for a couple of seconds but quickly returned the kiss, her hands wandering quite a bit before she pulled away again. 

“I’m sorry, my love. I wish I could just stay here and kiss you forever, but I have just under two minutes to hear what you have to say and get back to my room. A can’t find out that we can get out of our rooms or I might not be able to see you at all,” Spencer offered a little breathlessly, leaning her forehead against my own as she ran her hands up and down my back. 

“I’m okay, Spence. Going a little crazy in the silence, but physically okay. I may have written a manifesto about all of A’s wrongdoings that covers all four of my walls and most of the ceiling today though, so that might change at any moment. I’ll use my earplugs so I can get out of my room tomorrow night and we can talk about everything that’s going on. Now go, I don’t need you getting into trouble. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.”

Spencer responded in kind before nodding, kissing me quickly one more time, and leaving the room. It all happened so quickly; I was convinced that it had all been a dream. 

God how I had missed the feeling of Spencer’s lips against my own.

\-- Spemily –- 

When I woke up from yet another restless sleep, I was even more convinced everything had been a dream. 

Looking around my room, seeing the insanity that occupied my walls and ceiling, I was more certain than ever that my solitary confinement had driven me nuts. I couldn’t tell the difference between my imagination and reality any longer. That thought alone was enough to keep me curled up in bed for what must have been hours, wallowing in despair at the thought that the only way I would ever see Spencer again would be in my dreams. 

I would have cried, but I couldn’t quite summon the energy. 

Still, I put in the earplugs after a while. Even if the night before had been nothing but a wistful dream, hope that it had been real was the only thing I had to hold onto, so I was going to hold on tight, even if that hope was false. 

If nothing else, the hope broke up the monotony of the day. 

It was not until I heard an electric buzzing that was louder than usual that I was broken out of my depression-induced stupor. Looking around, it took me a moment to locate the source of the sound. Finally, glancing up to the largest video camera in the furthest corner of my room, I noticed it move just the tiniest bit, repositioning itself for a better angle or something. My first thought was that I somehow needed to tell Spencer about it. My second thought was that I should smash it into tiny pieces if it turned out the night before had just been a dream. Fuck the consequences; I couldn’t handle any of that bullshit anymore. I couldn’t handle being alone anymore. 

The rest of my time passed slowly as I waited. I wrote a bit more on the ceiling. I piled all of the trash I had created over my time there in one corner. I lamented my dwindling supply of shampoo and the fact that the video camera in the bathroom made it impossible to take a real shower. 

I organized the shoes in my closet for the seventeenth time. 

I made sure to keep the letter opener on me constantly. 

I changed into my lucky sweater. 

Still, the lights stayed on. 

I wanted to scream. 

It was not until I had crawled under my bed to investigate the possibility of unsealed air vents or clues of some kind to what was going on that there was a quiet click and the lights finally blinked out. Of course, I was all the way under my bed when it happened, and I had an interesting time scrambling out from underneath it in the pitch dark, but I managed eventually, stumbling to the door and yanking it open as hard as I could. 

That first step was my first step out of that room in over two weeks if Spencer’s calculations were correct. And it was Spencer, so obviously she was right. 

Thankfully, the hallway that I stepped into was dimly lit with emergency lighting, so I wasn’t running into walls or getting lost anytime soon. Glancing to my left first, I couldn’t see much of anything except an empty, very industrial looking hallway. Taking a deep breath, I looked to my right, gasping with joy as soon as I realized I wasn’t alone. 

Standing a few feet down the hall was Hanna, leaning heavily against the wall, looking absolutely terrible, her eyes trained on the floor in front of her. No matter how bad she looked, I was absolutely ecstatic just to see her at all. I practically ran down the hallway to reach her, enveloping her tightly in my arms as I felt hers twine around me with a desperation I had never felt from her before. 

“You’re okay,” I breathed into her ear, holding her even tighter as I heard a door open and close somewhere behind us off to the right. 

“We could say the same about you,” Aria’s voice called out softly, hugging me from behind, making sure her hands reached out to grasp onto Hanna as well. 

“Well I guess that gang’s pretty much all here,” came a voice that I never thought I would hear again. 

Untangling myself from my friends, I turned to find Mona smiling softly at us, and I immediately wrapped her up in a hug that kind of took us both by surprise. Mona hugged me back though, only letting go when a throat cleared somewhere behind her. 

“As happy as I am that you’re alive, Mona, we might have issues if you keep hogging my girlfriend,” Spencer warned playfully, only managing a quick wink before I practically tackled her in a backbreaking embrace. 

“I thought last night was a dream. I was so afraid that I hadn’t actually seen you, that I had conjured it all up in my head because I missed you so much. Oh god, Spence, I love you, I love you so much, babe,” I cried into her shoulder, still hugging her tightly to me as I spoke, convinced she was going to disappear if I let go. 

“I missed you too, Em, so much. And I love you, more than you could ever know,” Spence replied before pulling away just enough to connect our lips, the kiss deepening immediately. 

It was not nearly enough time, and yet the kiss seemed to last an eternity. My lips had been created to mold themselves to hers, and I got lost in the feeling of it for a few moments, lost in the haze of happiness that descended upon me whenever Spencer was around. I never wanted to let go. 

“I never thought the day would come when I could genuinely say how happy I was that you two looked so beautiful together.”

Shit. 

Alison. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or storylines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


	23. That’s All I Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer's POV
> 
> Sorry for the cliffhanger ending, but I stopped watching the show and never got around to finishing this one.

Emily immediately tensed up in my arms when she heard Alison’s voice, and I had to hold myself back from going into overprotective mode. Alison and I had talked over the past week or so, as much as we could with five minutes a day that had to be split up between the others in our group, and we were beginning to clear the air. I was not about to let her do or say anything that might make Emily upset or uncomfortable, but I knew I had to at least try to keep the peace. All we had down there in that hellhole was each other, and we needed to stick together as much as possible, bad blood or no. 

I ran my hands up and down Em’s back in an attempt to calm her as I glanced over to Alison, trying to warn her to be careful with what she said next. Alison grimaced in apology and nodded to me, appearing to have understood my intention. Emily took a deep breath before pulling away from our embrace just enough to survey our friends, neither of us quite ready to let go of our hold on each other. 

“So, since we don’t have much time, what do we know so far?” Em asked, avoiding acknowledging Alison’s words, though she did nod to our blonde friend to acknowledge her presence, causing Ali to sigh almost silently in what sounded like relief. 

“Mona, you’ve been here the longest, you want to give Em the short version?” Hanna inquired softly, not meeting anyone’s eyes as she continued to slouch back against the wall. 

Hanna had taken our imprisonment the hardest so far. She was reserved, quiet, and brooding whenever we saw her. She barely ever spoke a word, electing to listen at our nightly meetings instead.Her behavior made me question what exactly was going on in that room of hers every day. For the most part, it was the solitude and the lack of activity that was driving me nuts, along with the nagging fear that we might never escape, but there seemed to be something deeper getting to Hanna, and she refused to talk to any of us about it, which made me worry even more than I would have otherwise. 

“From the small amount of exploring Spencer and I have been able to do, we’re fairly certain that wherever we are, we’re underground. There is some kind of silo down the hall, but I haven’t ever had enough time to get inside it and see what is there. Spencer and I agree that this is most likely a bunker of some kind, maybe an abandoned government facility since it seems a little too commercial to be hand-built by a single person. Whoever built it, it has definitely been modified, because it seems that the whole purpose of the building now is to keep us in, rather than keep anyone out. Obviously we are all in agreement that A is responsible for all of this, but none of us remembers how we got here. I’m fairly certain we were all drugged, as there doesn’t seem to be any physical damage, but we have no way of telling what drug was used at this point without advanced medical equipment that we definitely don’t have access to. 

The lights going out seems to be a regular system reset that happens at the same time every day, which is how Spencer and I figured out you guys had been here for over two weeks, and that I have been here for over a month if our calculations are correct. Other than that, we don’t really know too much. We’ve only found each other within the last week, so hopefully, us working together will mean finding answers sooner rather than later,” Mona explained as quickly as she could, looking around once she was finished to see if anyone else had anything they wanted to add. 

Emily looked deep in thought for a moment as she processed everything, or at least tried to. There was a haunted look in her eyes that I hadn’t seen since Maya’s death, and it terrified me, while also making me feel even guiltier than I had before. I still couldn’t believe it had taken me so freaking long to find her. She had been alone in her fake room for over two weeks, with god knows what happening to her. Mona had been knocked out and forced back into the clothes she wore before Alison’s disappearance. The only outfit in Ali’s room was the one she had been wearing the night she disappeared, so she hadn’t been able to change for two weeks. Aria had woken up one morning tied to her desk chair as a masked figure dyed strips of her hair pink before gassing her with some chemical agent. Hanna wouldn’t talk to us about what had happened to her, but she insisted on wearing baggy sweats at all times and I was fairly certain she hadn’t even tried to bathe since our arrival. 

For my part, A had been taunting me with pills from the very moment I woke up in the replica of my room. Every time food appeared by my door, a bottle of pills appeared with it. The first couple of days, it was pretty easy for me to take one look at them and dump them in the toilet, but as time passed, it got harder. The hours of solitude and the restless nights had me contemplating them for longer and longer periods of time, and when over a week had passed without finding Emily, I actually opened a bottle without immediately dumping it. Thankfully, Mona found me that night and interacting with her and the others helped keep the temptation at bay. Still, I could feel myself breaking down, and it frightened me. 

I could only imagine what kind of torture Emily was experiencing. 

“We should get you back to your room, Em. We can all meet up again tomorrow,” I offered, waiting until she had hugged the rest of the group, even Alison, before taking her hand and leading her back down the poorly lit hallway.

Stopping in front of the door to Emily’s room, which was slightly further away from the rest of ours down the hall, I turned Em toward me, not quite ready to say goodnight to her yet. As my hand slid over hers, I frowned deeply, noting how rough her skin felt and how she winced slightly at the light movement. Before she could react, I pulled her hands up to my eyes, only barely able to make out the scrapes and bruises in the low light, gasping softly at the sight in front of me. 

“What has A done to you?” I demanded quietly, running my fingertips over her battered fists before lifting them to my lips and littering them with soft kisses, careful not to hurt her any further. 

“It wasn’t A, Spence,” Em offered in a whisper, her cheeks coloring a bit as her eyes found the floor between us. 

“What do you mean?” I inquired just as quietly, thoroughly confused. 

“I freaked out when I woke up and realized I was trapped. After all the times we’ve been locked up and locked in to places over the past few years, I guess I’ve developed a bit of claustrophobia. That on top of the fact that I couldn’t find you… I just couldn’t handle it. I started yelling and banging on the door for what seemed like hours until that siren knocked me out. Ended up doing infinitely more damage to my hands than the door,” she explained, ending with a humorless chuckle that had me cringing. 

We were losing ourselves down there, I could see it, and it made me more determined than ever to find us all a way out. 

“Jesus, Em. I’m so sorry that you’ve been left on your own all this time. I can’t imagine what it’s been like, but you can’t hurt yourself like this anymore. We need you; I need you, and I can’t stand to see you suffering like this,” I murmured, placing another kiss to her bruised fists and then moving up to place a sweet kiss on her lips. “I’m here now. We’re together. And we’re going to figure out a way to get the hell out of here. Together.”

Emily pulled me in for another searing kiss, and all I wanted to do was melt into her and never part from her again. But the closing of a door down the hall quickly knocked me out of my stupor, reminding me where we were and that our time was limited. Placing one more peck on Emily’s lips, I pulled away, sorely tempted to stay when a small whimper escaped her throat as we parted. 

“I love you, Em. If you can’t remember anything else, remember that. I’ll see you tomorrow night,” I whispered, kissing her cheek lightly before turning to head back to my own prison cell. 

“I love you more than anything in this world, Spence. Be safe,” she replied softly, her voice echoing off the walls before I heard her door shut firmly behind me.

I didn’t let the tears fall until I was back in my own room, sliding down my closed door and slumping onto the floor, loud sobs wracking my body. When I was with the other girls, it was easier to hold myself together because I felt I needed to be strong for them. Once I was alone again though, the reality sunk in. We were trapped in an underground bunker with no idea where we were, being tortured daily by a nameless, faceless entity that hated us for some reason unknown to any of us, and we were all slowly but surely losing our minds. 

There was no doubt in my mind that it was going to be another restless night, especially with the image of Emily’s battered hands and haunted eyes playing on a loop on the backside of my eyelids. Even the nightmares couldn’t compete this time around. 

\-- Spemily -- 

The pills were there with my breakfast again the following morning, taunting me. It still wasn’t easy to see them, let alone pick up the bottle and get rid of them. Thankfully, I had Emily’s touch from the night before lingering on my hands and lips, giving me a strength that I thought I had lost over the past few weeks. Knowing exactly what she would say if she were in the room with me, knowing she would remind me that I was strong and that I didn’t need the pills, and that I wasn’t alone, had me rushing into the bathroom and dumping the pills in the toilet, feeling a rush of pride as I flushed them. 

That was pretty much the only positive point of my day. 

Most of my morning was spent on yet another exploration of my room, which revealed absolutely nothing I had not seen before, interrupted only when I sat down to detail the schematics of the bunker that Mona and I had started a few days prior. It was not until later in the afternoon that things began to veer from the normal path. And not in a good way. 

I was sitting on my bed, reading through some notes I had made about the hallway outside our rooms after my first night of exploring when my blinds shot up of their own accord. My body rose at least a foot off the bed in my shock and surprise, and I scrambled back toward the headboard in fear, certain that whatever was going to happen next would be unpleasant at the very least. 

Behind the window that usually opened onto a steel wall, hung a television screen. It took a couple of seconds to switch on, but what appeared onscreen had my skin crawling. The opening sequence to a video of some kind was playing, and the screen was split into six boxes, showing live feeds of each of us in our fake rooms, all of our mouths gaping open in the direction of what I assumed to be individual screens. The title popped up over our shocked faces. 

_ Six Liars Too Many _

_ A Tale of Betrayal, Addiction, Greed and Selfishness _

_ Directed by Yours Truly (A) _

_ Kisses, Bitches _

The screen went black for a few seconds, and I naively thought that might be it, that A just wanted to remind us he/she was watching our every move. Of course, I was wrong. 

When the screen lit up again, it showed Mona standing in front of the bathroom mirror in her fake room, crying. The view switched to behind her, so we could see what she was seeing. I felt like crying myself when I saw the messages that appeared and disappeared across the glass. Taunts and insults popped up everywhere, everything from insults Ali used to sling Mona’s way to statements like ‘did you really think they would forgive you’ and ‘no one will ever love you.’ After what seemed like ages, Mona finally turned away and slammed the bathroom door behind her, but as the screen went black again the slump of her shoulders told me the damage had already been done. 

My heart began to race as I realized the video was far from over. Obviously, the rest of our group had not been entirely forthcoming when we were discussing the details of our daily lives in our prison. That thought did not give me hope for what I was about to see next. 

Next up was Ali. The screen showed a close up of her face while she slept, her head on her pillowcase that looked so much like her bed back home. Then the camera zoomed out, and I felt like I was going to puke. Ali was lying in a coffin. It had been made up with her sheets and pillows and comforters, and the lid lay open to the side. She stirred, blinking sleepily and taking a moment to realize what was happening. Once she did, she vaulted out of the coffin, tried desperately to open the locked door, and then broke down on the floor in the opposite corner of her room. The camera zoomed in to the lid of the coffin, where something had been carved into the wood. 

It said, “I buried you once. Let’s do it again.”

I was already crying as the video switched over to Aria’s room. The scene of her being tied up to her desk chair and having her hair dyed with pink streaks went pretty much exactly as she had described. The hooded figure, Aria waking up in the middle of it all and then getting gassed, it was even scarier to watch than it had been to hear about it, and I had the desperate urge to hug my small friend and make sure she never had to go through something like that ever again. 

My own segment was a montage of sorts. It showed every time I found a new bottle of pills, my interaction with them, how I shakily tossed them into the toilet and flushed. Living it had been hard enough, but watching it happen all over again was even harder, especially knowing everyone else was watching it as well, especially knowing Emily was watching. The video made it obvious that I was struggling every day with avoiding the temptation set out before me, and I was ashamed that that was the truth. I was even more ashamed when my lowest moment showed up on the screen in front of me, the day I didn’t flush the pills, the day I would have swallowed one if Mona hadn’t stopped me. 

I could only imagine Em’s reaction to all of it. 

My eyes were blurry as Hanna came onto the screen, tears streaming down my face. I was absolutely terrified of seeing what was about to happen because if Hanna’s demeanor was any indication, it was going to be something particularly bad. I was not wrong. 

It wasn’t so much what I saw as what I heard that had me keeled over with guilt, sobbing my eyes out. Hanna was curled up on the floor, crying as Zack’s voice came over the intercom, taunting her, being the overall creepy pervert that he was to her. Interspersed with his disgusting words were our voices, the people who were supposed to be her best friends, judging her and mocking her, not believing her when she came to us for help. All the while, Hanna just lay on the floor, crying silently, broken. 

That was the moment when I realized I had failed. I had failed miserably. 

The one thing I wanted more than anything was to protect the people that I loved. 

And I had failed. 

Finally, the video switched over to Emily, and I froze. She was sitting on the floor, staring vacantly in the direction of her fake window, until something sparked in her eye. Em was on her feet in less than a second, sprinting to her door. Then I got to watch as she screamed out our names, trying her best to bash her door down, practically painting it red with her own blood with her efforts. Once the siren had put her down, the video transitioned into a montage of Emily sitting absently on her bed, her fingernails scraping roughly down her forearms, leaving angry red marks and sometimes even breaking the skin. It looked like she wasn’t even aware of what she was doing. Then, all of a sudden, the video was at high speed, and Em was writing her manifesto on the walls, not stopping for hours, and looking positively crazed, writing and writing and writing until she could write no more. 

My heart broke. I needed to be with her. I needed to hold her. I needed to tell her I loved her and that everything was going to be okay. I needed to tell her she wasn’t crazy. 

The video switched back to a live feed of all six of us. Aria and Mona were sitting awestruck, hands covering their mouths as they stared at their respective screens. Ali was standing really close to her fake window, her fists clenched at her sides, looking more murderous than I had ever seen her, which was saying something. Hanna was just staring vacantly off into space, appearing too overwhelmed to actually react to what was happening. Emily’s feed was the one that caught my eye, though. She stood from her bed and stalked straight to the camera that was monitoring her, a slightly insane look in her eye. As she got within range of the camera, she pulled her desk chair over, clambered on top of it, raised what looked like a letter opener, and stabbed the camera straight through the lens. 

Her feed was just static for a few seconds before going completely black. 

I was frozen again with shock and indecision, terrified of what might happen next. Then I saw Ali moving, grabbing a heavy textbook before pulling her own chair over to the camera watching her and smashing it to bits. The rest of us pretty much nodded in unison as soon as it happened, moving to do exactly the same thing with various sharp or heavy objects that littered our counterfeit rooms. There was something truly cathartic about destroying the technology that had been spying on us for weeks, capturing our every move; our every weakness. 

We had all agreed with a silent nod. If Emily was going to get punished for this, we were going to make sure the rest of us were, too. We had to stand together. 

\-- Spemily --

When Em didn’t meet us in the hall within thirty seconds of the lights going out that night, I sprinted to her room, hoping beyond hope that nothing terrible had happened while we waited for the system to reboot. Throwing the door to her room open, I was more than a little relieved to see her sitting on her bed, waiting for me. Or, rather, it appeared at first that she was waiting for me. When I looked closer, I realized that she didn’t have much of a choice. 

The light from the hallway filtered into the room, reflecting back at me off of the cable that was attached to Emily’s headboard at one end, and drilled into the wall in the bathroom at the other. Em’s hands were resting over the cable, crossed on top of each other, the metal handcuffs holding her in place shining at me mockingly. It looked like black paint had been splashed on the walls and the ceiling to cover up Emily’s manifesto, and the new video camera mounted in the corner had a metal cage surrounding it. 

My heart sank at the look of complete and utter defeat in Em’s eyes as she looked at me. 

The woman I loved was hurting, and there was nothing I could do about it. 

Nothing significant, anyway. 

“Babe…” I sobbed, running forward and hugging her to me, entirely unable to figure out what to do or say to make this situation better for her. 

Thankfully, I wasn’t alone. 

“Em, we’re going to kill this bastard. I swear to god. We are going to get out of here and we are going to kill A, no matter what it takes,” Ali stated vehemently from behind me, entering the room with a flourish and crossing her arms forcefully over her chest to emphasize her point. 

“I’m with Ali on this. We are not going to let this stand,” Aria agreed quickly as she, Hanna and Mona entered the room behind Alison, looking equally as determined. 

Emily just sunk further into me, defeat hanging heavy in the air around her. She didn’t seem emotionally capable of responding to their support, let alone of being grateful for it or doing something about it. If nothing else, she seemed completely overwhelmed by it, and I knew she needed some time. 

“Listen, I think she needs a moment, you guys. Why don’t you all go do some exploring, make tonight count, and we can all meet here again tomorrow night?” I offered quietly, receiving reluctant nods from everyone before they turned to leave one after the other. 

Hanna was the last to leave, stopping in the doorway and speaking without turning.

“A can’t tell you who you are, Em. No one can do that. So be sad, be angry, be frustrated as all hell, but just remember that that bastard can’t beat you, not unless you let it happen. You’re strong, Em, and you’re not alone. Don’t let it happen.”

With that, Hanna walked out, not once looking back at either of us. 

Emily buried her face in my neck, and I could feel the tears streaming from her eyes. Wrapping my arms tightly around her, I sat silently and let her cry, knowing she needed to let it all out before she could talk to me. 

“I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you,” I whispered reassuringly, holding her tightly and placing soft kisses on her temple. 

“A didn’t even have to do anything. I did it all to myself,” Em whispered into my shoulder, shame dripping heavily off every word as she continued to cry. 

Rubbing my hands up and down her back, I did my best to calm her, knowing this conversation was not going to be easy. 

“What do you mean, sweetheart?” I asked cautiously, having a basic idea of what she meant, but also knowing she needed to hear it all out loud to get through it. 

Em hiccupped before forcing herself to stop crying and moving her head back just enough to look at me. 

“Here this bitch is actively torturing and bullying all of you for weeks, and you guys still managed to be resilient enough to get out of your rooms and find each other and start trying to figure things out. And then there’s my pathetic ass. All A had to do was lock me up in a room. I did the rest myself. I actually managed to drive myself nuts. I really am the weakest link, Spence. No matter what I do, I’ll always be the weakest link.”

Her voice was empty by the time she finished, like she had nothing left to give; like she had given up. 

“No, Emily, no. Don’t you see? The video was A’s torture for you. This is something that has bothered you for a long time, and A knows by now how much you hate seeming weak. There is nothing weak about how you have handled being kidnapped and thrown into solitary confinement, but A knew you would judge yourself against the rest of us and that you would doubt yourself because of it. What A definitely did not bank on was you going berserk and absolutely mutilating that video camera. That was not the reaction of someone who is weak, Emily. Destroying that camera was an act of defiance, a challenge, a fuck you to the scariest person we have ever encountered in our lives. That is not weak, Em. That is courageous, maybe a little reckless, but definitely not weak.”

Em just chuckled mirthlessly, and I knew she didn’t believe me. 

Time was probably the only thing capable of convincing her that I was telling the truth. I would have to be patient. 

“Thank you for saying that, Spence, for trying to make me feel better, but we both know it’s not true. You’re the courageous one here, the strong one who has been able to resist your greatest weakness even when it is put right in front of your face. You are the one who is going to make A regret that they ever targeted us in the first place. I’ll just be the one that is perpetually getting in your way,” she responded dryly, letting out that empty laugh again. “You should get back now. We don’t need you ending up handcuffed to your room like me.”

I was so reluctant to leave her knowing just how deep into the darkness she was spiraling. Still, I could do her no good if I was trapped like her, and I needed to figure out what I could use to pick the lock on her cuffs. So I stood up, but I didn’t leave quite yet. Moving in front of where she sat, I took her face in my hands and made sure that her eyes stayed anchored to mine as I spoke. 

“I know you’re not in the headspace to hear or agree with this right now, but I need you to remember something, Emily. You are the strongest, most loyal, most kind and compassionate person I have ever met. But I did not fall in love with you just because you were strong, Em. I fell in love with my best friend who trusted me enough to let me see all of her, even when she felt weak and vulnerable. I fell in love with my best friend who never made me feel lesser than for feeling weak and vulnerable myself. Right now, all of us are vulnerable prisoners, at the mercy of some faceless psychopath, but we are not weak because we have each other. So, if you’re feeling fragile right now, just let us protect you for a little while. Let me protect you for a little while. You did the same for me not too long ago, and I have no doubt in my mind I’ll need you to do it more than once in our future. I’m okay with that because as much as I hate feeling weak, I know your love makes me stronger, and, really, that’s all I need.”

Emily had tears in her eyes again, but she hadn’t looked away from me, which I found promising. I hoped I was finally getting through to her, at least a little bit. 

“I love you, Spencer, so much,” she whispered, pulling at my hands with her own cuffed ones until our lips met in another soft kiss, my hands quickly breaking from hers to run through her hair until she pulled away again. “Now go, be safe, be strong, and I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

Nodding, I pecked her lips lightly once more, heading out of her room, but stopping in the doorway just as Hanna had only minutes ago. 

“You are my everything, Emily Fields, don’t forget that. I love you.”

With that, I closed the door gently but swiftly, not giving her a chance to reply. I walked as quickly as I could back towards my room without running, not wanting to make excessive noise just in case. My hand was on the knob of my door when I felt someone grasp my upper arm, pulling me back around to face the hallway. 

“She’ll be okay, Spencer. We’ll all make sure of it,” Alison swore with an almost scary amount of determination, the steel in her eyes telling me she was deadly serious. 

“I know we will. Thanks, Ali,” I agreed with a nod, squeezing her hand in my own before we both released our grip and ran into our rooms, knowing we were cutting it close. 

My eyes had just barely shut in pretend sleep when the lights snapped back on, and it took everything in me not to react violently to the sudden flood of fluorescence that filled the room. Instead, I made a big show of pretending to wake up from a deep sleep. I rolled over in my bed, stretched my arms dramatically over my head, and yawned loudly, sighing a bit at the end to really sell it. Throwing my covers off with false effort, I rolled out of bed and dramatically stumbled to the bathroom, expertly using the toilet in a way that kept me at least mostly hidden from the camera that was meant to monitor me there. 

Once I had brushed my teeth, re-fastened my hair into a loose bun, and splashed a bit of water on my face, I stopped for a moment. My hands on the edges of the sink, I leaned forward, staring into the dark-rimmed eyes that looked back at me. 

I nodded. 

It was time. 

Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I exited the bathroom. Grabbing my desk chair, I slid it slowly across the floor, allowing it to rest just below the new video camera that A had installed to replace the one I destroyed. Standing up on the chair, I looked directly into the lens, doing my best to appear as confident and nonchalant as I possibly could, knowing what I was about to do. 

“Obviously, taunting me with pills isn’t working, and, honestly, it’s getting kind of boring,” I began, holding my voice as steady as I could while I taunted a murderous psychopath. “We are all stronger than you think, asshole. So, if putting a bottle of pills on my food tray every day is the best you can do, I’ve got to say, you’re losing your touch. At this point, you should probably just accept that you’re going to lose, bitch. I’m not so easy to break.”

With that, I calmly stepped down from the chair and put it back in its place at my desk. Pulling out some notes I had been working on about the facility we were being held in, I did my best to occupy my mind while I waited to feel the full brunt of A’s fury. 

We needed A to slip up. Keeping the status quo was not going to make A slip up. 

So, I rocked the boat a little. 

I just hoped I was the only one who had to face the consequences for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: None of the characters or storylines from Pretty Little Liars are mine. If they were, it would be one big Spemily story.


End file.
